Reply To: Unsure to move-in with my messy boyfriend:is it irrational?

As an adult mature enough to consider cohabitation, your first instinct should be to talk with your bf about this. Have you? If so, what did he say? If not, why not? Why would you think an online advice forum would provide more reliable guidance than the man himself?

Your bf’s behaviour in others’ homes indicates he understands how he should behave and show respect. How he lives at home indicates some of those behaviours, and having a tidy home, don’t matter to him personally. I would not expect he will suddenly begin to keep a tidy home because you live there – at least not for very long. He will likely revert to his habits and you will end up nagging him. However, maybe not. Talk to the man if you have not yet and make it clear that you will not be able to live in a messy home and ask him if he is willing to adapt.

I’d request a good 3 or so months rent-free (since he is already paying for the place that should be ok) and you will keep your old place during that time. This way, if you end up not being compatible, you can quickly move out, no big deal. That’s not just an out for you but for him too, because if he really hates cleaning or finds living with you not as he’d hoped, he can have you move back out without it being some long, drawn-out thing. Or, let him know you will consider moving in only after he starts keeping a more orderly place so you don’t end up complaining at him like his mother.