Reply To: Unsure to move-in with my messy boyfriend:is it irrational?

Hello again,

I have spoken to him about this number of times, especially pointing out particular mess that had surpassed my tolerance level. His most common response to it is he is too busy and he is stressed from his work and can not put efforts into “these things”. And when I expressed about how I worry about moving-n with him because his perception of mess is really really really different from mine. His response is, “I live alone so I do not have the motivation to be organised but if you come live with me of course I will do better , I will make efforts”. The big problem is he doesn’t see mess like I do, he can learn putting dishes into the dish-washer right away, throwing the cartons boxes right into the bin, wiping the cook-top etc but I fear he will never learn to notice the smudges on a mirror, spills over the sink top, the fact that the garbage bin requires cleaning too or dusting tables etc. It infuriates me sometime to realise that I know his kitchen better than he does. We almost everyday sleep together, mostly in my apartment during the weekdays and fridays and saturdays at his as it is convenient for me to go to work from my apartment. And after all these discussions, now he has slowly learnt to do things my way in my apartment.
When I met his family I understood, partly, why he is the way he is because his mum told me she did all the stuff for him. The thing is my mum did all the stuff for me and my two brothers. one of my brothers turned out to be exactly like my boyfriend. But it is not a justification, one should start adult-ing when being an adult.
The thing is I am renting and he has his own place, so I could really do the “trial move-in” before I give up my place (if I were to consider moving-in at all) because I do not want to go through apartment hunting again. Thanks for pointing out this possibility.