Reply To: Unsure to move-in with my messy boyfriend:is it irrational?

@potatofries, I am glad the trial move-in suggestion was helpful. Waiting until March after he’s been focused on cleaning for a couple of months is also ideal. My final two cents are that if at the end of March you are not 100% sure that things will continue in a direction you are happy with, that you extend the trial for a couple more months. That first month of cohabitation is a huge adjustment and not nearly enough time to establish new routines. I anticipate it will be a few months before you can really see if changes are permanent. Now, I am in no way comparing your bf to a child who wants something, but at one point my kids wanted a dog and we only had cats. They swore up and down they would do all the work – feeding the dog, walking the dog etc. We made a deal with them that if they did all the care for the cats for three months, then I would believe them and they could get a dog. They were all excited, made plans to divide the work etc. They started out with gusto. It didn’t last. Again, I am not suggesting you treat your bf like a child. It’s just that those kinds of exercises (for all of us) help us distill what we are really open to working for longer term. (FWIW, I did get a dog years later, but only when I was prepared to do the work I’d have to put in.)

Good luck and regardless of how it works out, you are taking smart, responsible steps towards the future you want. That takes courage, good for you!