I am going to weigh in as a daily user of the marijuanas. I live in Oregon, all legal here, but as I am dating this has come up. I enjoy smoking pot, it makes me happy, helps me be creative and tolerate my mother when we are together (yay edibles). I have declined to date people because they wanted me to stop and quite frankly I don’t want to. I am honest and upfront as are they.
Please do not try and control your spouses behavior. You can’t. For many of us this is the same as having a beer at the end of the night. As long as they are not skipping life duties (work, school, family functions, church, etc) in order to get stoned then you need to be ok with it.
To be clear, it is perfectly ok not to want to smoke or have a spouse that smokes, you are well within your rights to know what is comfortable and acceptable to you. You cannot decide this for another person. You cannot demand that they follow X,Y and Z to make you happy. If their behavior is ‘violating’ you, then I would strongly suggest couples counseling to get on the same page.
People change, grow apart and get divorced. It happens and, while unfortunate, is sometimes necessary for all parties to be happy)