Inspired by this comment made in the “My Fiancé’s Groomsman Has No Teeth!” thread as well as the whole “Shit Girls Say” videos, I put together this little list of shit guys say to women (that they’d never say to each other).
1. “Calm down, calm down.”
2. “Are you sure you can handle it all by yourself?”
3. “Here, take this one, I didn’t make it quite as strong.”
4. “Someone’s sure done her research.”
5. “Oh, come on, smile; it can’t be that bad.”
6. “You’re being crazy.”
7. “Be careful, it’s spicy.”
8. “You’re about the same size as my wife. Would you wear this?”
9. “Must be that time of the month!”
10. “What perfume are you wearing? I want to buy some for my girlfriend.”
11. “I love a girl who can eat.”
12. “How do you walk in those things?”
13. “My ex is totally psycho.”
14. “It just doesn’t feel good with all that latex in the way.”
15. “You have the smallest little doll hands.”
16. “Oh, come on, just the tip.
17. “I’m not really looking for a relationship-relationship.”
18. “I already have a mother.”
19. “You probably have a better shot ’cause they wanna hire a woman.”
20. “I’ll call you.”
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Addie Pray January 12, 2012, 12:11 pm
Way to take a dipshit comment and turn it into something positive, Wendy!
Christy January 12, 2012, 12:14 pm
Can I ask a completely uninformed question, as resident lesbian? I totally don’t understand the “Oh, come on, just the tip” thing. Do guys actually do that? Why would a girl agree to that if she didn’t want to have full-blown penetrative sex? It honestly confuses me.
ReginaRey January 12, 2012, 12:18 pm
I believe it’s something 18-year-olds do in order to trick their high school girlfriends into having sex with them. At least, that’s what my boyfriend tried on ME in high school, anyway.
bethany January 12, 2012, 12:18 pm
Yes, some guys really do that. In my experience, college guys do that!
I think their thought process is that we’ll agree because if it’s “just the tip” then it doesn’t really count. But then we’ll be so into it that we’ll change our minds and go the whole way.
Though I’d love to hear a guy’s thoughts on the issue.
Budj January 12, 2012, 12:18 pm
I have actually heard of more girls suggesting that…and claiming they are still a virgin after (in one case)…than guys requesting it…to me that is just punishment.
Christy January 12, 2012, 12:19 pm
Just speaking as someone with no past, present, or future involvement with sex with penises, just the tip or not.
Great list, Wendy! The “are you sure you can handle it all by yourself?” happens with butch lesbians too. There are still gender(-spectrum) issues even within one gender.
CottonTheCuteDog January 12, 2012, 12:20 pm
I thought it meant the guy was asking the girl to only pay for the tip at a restaurant…..
Addie Pray January 12, 2012, 12:27 pm
Funny!
cookiesandcream January 12, 2012, 1:27 pm
hahaha! Don’t worry, I thought the same exact thing too when I first read it!
sweetleaf January 12, 2012, 2:26 pm
I thought it was referring to a restaurant tip too!!
FireStar January 12, 2012, 2:43 pm
Me too!!
rangerchic January 12, 2012, 3:06 pm
I’ll admit…that’s what I thought it was at first as well 🙂
Kind of wish it actually was.
*HmC* January 12, 2012, 3:08 pm
Well I must be a huge perve because I got it right away… though I’ve thankfully never heard that in real life (that I recall). Yuck.
Amy January 12, 2012, 3:38 pm
They said it on Wedding Crashers – that’s how I knew what it meant. A little strange to imagine that in real life…
Mel January 12, 2012, 12:55 pm
As far as I know, it’s a way of getting the girl to engage in penetrative sex without it hurting. “It’s just the tip, it won’t hurt, I promise”
Only it’s really not about the girl not suffering, it’s more about the guy getting her to have sex with him somehow.
AKchic January 12, 2012, 1:27 pm
Yes, guys will do this. Teenagers, older guys, etc. All with juvenile mentalities. There are a few different reasons for this particular line.
1) Saying it to virgins to assure them that it’s not “real” penetration, therefore they are still virgins.
2) Attached males will say it to naive women to justify cheating. If it’s not full penetration, it’s not cheating. *laugh* We know it’s not true, but to younger (mentality-wise) guys, if it’s not full penetration, it’s not cheating in their minds.
3) Easier to pull out so they don’t have to wear a condom. Some older guys hate wearing condoms to the point that they would rather have minimal penetration with a woman’s legs closed (simulated vaginal intercourse) and then pull out during orgasm. It’s messy, but it does work.
4) Honestly, if the tip is in, it’s easier to get the rest in. Date rape is almost inevitable if you “allow” it to go that far and then attempt to resist further penetration.
MsMisery January 12, 2012, 1:44 pm
I had a guy try that one on me on a first date once. He didn’t get any tip. And I have no idea what the logic behind it is.
rainbow January 12, 2012, 3:50 pm
Some guys also do this for anal. Makes a tiny bit more sense, but still. So cheap and unsexy that you have to beg like that.
bethany January 12, 2012, 12:16 pm
4. “Someone’s sure done her research.”
I hate things like this one…. They really get under my skin. Yeah, I’m informed- Don’t try to patronize me!
caitie_didn't January 12, 2012, 12:46 pm
Yeah, that plus “calm down” or “you’re being crazy” are INFURIATING.
Speaking of the whole calling women crazy, everyone NEEDS to read this article (NSFW):
http://www.nerve.com/love-sex/true-stories/true-stories-hell-hath-no-fury
Red_Lady January 14, 2012, 9:25 pm
AWESOME article!! Thank you for sharing!
SweetPea January 12, 2012, 12:26 pm
“Here, take this one, I didn’t make it quite as strong.”
Okay… I don’t mind this one. I’m a friggin’ lightweight. I don’t mind my boyfriend making my drinks less potent.
redessa January 12, 2012, 2:27 pm
Ah! That one’s about drinks! As the resident Mormon, that totally went over my head.
liza January 12, 2012, 4:26 pm
This one isn’t entirely unfair, though I can see how it could be insulting. In college I could handle alcohol better than some of my guy friends, so comments like this were never an issue for me, personally. And if a guy I was getting to know romatically said that to me, I would actually take it as a statement of respect (i.e., he isn’t trying to sneakily get me wasted and wants me to be mentally present for our evening together). At the same time, women DO get intoxicated faster than men and can’t handle as many drinks as a guy, simply due to differences in physiology (muscle to fat ratio and body mass differences). Two drinks puts most ladies over the legal limit for driving, while three puts most guys over the limit.
Anna January 13, 2012, 7:21 pm
Same here, Sweetpea! I would rather enjoy two yummy not-so-strong drinks and still be coherent than try to keep up with how much he can drink. He can drink a 12-pack with some shots in between in still just be mildly buzzed…not me.
Kate B. January 12, 2012, 12:27 pm
I love my dad, but I will never forget when he said to me: “You’re too smart for your own good.” I even remember where we were and when. (In the car, driving home, I was in high school.)
AKchic January 12, 2012, 2:36 pm
*shudder* Of calling you “Nancy Drew” when you use logic to figure out that something isn’t right. You don’t call him Frank or Joe Hardy when he figures out you’ve had a hard day (or started your period), so the whole Nancy Drew thing is an irritant.
And yes, telling a girl she’s too smart for her own good is telling her she’s too smart to land a decent husband. My grandma used to tell me that. She loved that I was smart, but told me that I’d never find a decent husband because men didn’t want a woman smarter than them. She swears I’m too independent and smart to find a “man” to “take care of” me. As if I want that. I am so glad that my grandpa reveled in my tomboyish behavior and treated my like a grandson. I would be so screwed otherwise.
rainbow January 12, 2012, 3:01 pm
My mother used to tell me “boys don’t like you because you’re too smart and it makes them uncomfortable. couldn’t you at least *try* not to intimidate them?”. Come on, lady, who would want a relationship with someone you have to be careful not to intimidate?
fast eddie January 12, 2012, 6:26 pm
You wouldn’t like if they did it to you, so why do it to them?
theattack January 12, 2012, 7:12 pm
hahahaha, this cracked me up!
AKchic January 13, 2012, 1:19 pm
If a guy is intimidated by intelligence, then honestly, he’s not someone I’d want to date in the first place. A good partner needs to be secure in his own intelligence (or lack thereof, if that’s the case), and not feel that intelligence is a competition between the two of us.
moonflowers January 12, 2012, 9:53 pm
I don’t want guys to be intimidated by me, but I’ve seen guys count themselves out right in front of me because of my major and degree. It’s super disappointing – sometimes I actually really like the guy and don’t want him to feel put off from dating me.
Kate B. January 13, 2012, 5:18 pm
Indeed. However, I am still single 30 years later, so maybe he was right.
Kate B. January 13, 2012, 5:19 pm
Indeed. However, I am still single 30 years later, so maybe he was right.
FireStar January 12, 2012, 2:45 pm
I had a guy tell me he wanted to marry me but I “knew my own mind” so he couldn’t since that would make his life harder… I’m not sure why he thought marriage was ever on the table but bless his heart.
AKchic January 12, 2012, 3:17 pm
*laugh* I had something similar happen to me in the 9th grade! This guy I was friends with in the chess club (yeah, I said I was “different”) one day told me that he wanted to marry me but he couldn’t because I was too “independent” and “being bisexual is a deal-breaker”. All I could think of was “when the hell did I ever express an interest in dating you?”. He even told me that if I could change, he’d reconsider his position.
I don’t know if he ever married. I would assume that he did. He joined the military a few years out of high school. I know I never became his 14 year old version of the model wife material.
Red_Lady January 14, 2012, 7:42 pm
Haha, that’s hilarious! Crazy 14 year olds! And how kind of him to offer you the opportunity to change for him. Lol!
TheOtherMe January 12, 2012, 12:28 pm
I hate # 1 & #9 …
Ktfran January 12, 2012, 12:29 pm
#3 Pisses me off. I can handle a strong drink. I prefer a strong drink. In fact, people ask me to go easy on the alcohol when I mix drinks.
#16 Made me take a second look. Then laugh out loud. Awesome.
#20 is the worst. But I don’t take much stalk in that phrase and prefer to be pleasantly suprised if a guy were to actually call.
Emily January 12, 2012, 12:30 pm
Ha, 15 made me laugh!
cporoski January 12, 2012, 2:50 pm
me too. Honestly, my husband loves to measure the size of our hands against each other. Like they are growing still. That is a wierd guy thing. He also likes that my foot is as big as his hand. I don’t get it.
rainbow January 12, 2012, 3:04 pm
I like that one. I enjoy being smaller than my partners.
Imsostartled January 12, 2012, 4:14 pm
Yeah, must be a guy thing. I’m taller (and *cough* weigh more) then my fiance, but he loves how his hands are giant compared to mine. He’s pretty much obsessed with my pinky fingers, since they’re so small. Since, his feet and hands are really the only body parts we share that are actually bigger than mine, I let him have his kicks. 🙂
JK January 12, 2012, 12:32 pm
The absolute worst for me is “yeah, this (insert food) is ok, but the one my mum used to make was SO GOOD”
rainbow January 12, 2012, 3:08 pm
UGH that one. I guy I was seeing once saw me making mashed potatoes and offered to call his mom so she would give me some pointers “because hers are the best ever and I’d really like some right now”.
Dude, that’s classy. Since we’re at it, would you like me to call my dad so he explains to you how to get the door for me, buy me flowers and help me get my coat on?
AKchic January 12, 2012, 3:18 pm
I can’t say much… my ex-husband calls me to see if I can give his mother some of my recipes.
Sarah January 12, 2012, 12:41 pm
“Oh, come on, smile; it can’t be that bad.”
This is BY FAR the worst thing on the list for me. Why do guys think women like to hear this?? Its usually an old f*cker too and he thinks chicks in the 60’s liked to hear that followed by a jaunty ass pat. THIS IS WHY WE STILL HAVE THE GLASS CEILING.
ReginaRey January 12, 2012, 12:48 pm
“Juanty ass pat” is a phrase I’m going to have to work into my regular dialogue.
Addie Pray January 12, 2012, 12:53 pm
RR – I totally one-upped you on our fight over Budj in the “His Take: He’s Seducing Me With More Than Words.” You can’t beat that I know!
Addie Pray January 12, 2012, 12:50 pm
I couldn’t agree more! I can’t stand it when I’m walking down the street and some older man says that to me. It’s like, what, are women here to smile for you? What is so great about you that we are all supposed to flock to you with smiles and giggles, you fucker? I’m sure they mean no harm by it… just like those guys that say “honey” and “sugar” right before they ask a woman for something.
applescruff January 12, 2012, 12:56 pm
I used to work at a mall kiosk in high school, and people passing by would always tell me to smile. Is my screen saver face really pissed off looking? Would it somehow be better if I was sitting there, grinning maniacally at nothing?
Kelly L. January 12, 2012, 12:57 pm
Screen saver face! I need to remember that one.
lets_be_honest January 12, 2012, 1:22 pm
Great image of you smiling like a freakshow. You should totally do that next time someone tells you to smile.
MsMisery January 12, 2012, 1:47 pm
@applescruff, I get that too! At work! And I wonder the same thing. Would you rather I sit in my cube all day long smiling for no good reason? I’m not lobotomized!
Sarah January 12, 2012, 1:06 pm
One of these days I’m going to get the nerve to go up to an old man on the street who says it and say, “I’ll smile when I walk by your unmarked grave, asshole.” And then I’ll make jabby motions in the air with my fists and moonwalk away. No one tells the crazy bitch to smile.
I’ve also been working on the comeback, “Why are you telling me to smile? I’M SIXTEEN, YOU PEDOPHILE.” But I don’t think I can pull that one off anymore lol.
GingerLaine January 12, 2012, 2:22 pm
LOL! I’m glad someone else thinks about the comebacks they’ll never actually use. I have always wanted to respond to that with: “Are you saying I have bitch face?!” Because really.
*HmC* January 12, 2012, 2:24 pm
Ha, seriously! And the main thing is, can you imagine anyone telling a guy to smile? They get to look all stoic and rugged and we’re stuck with the label “bitch face”. I’m getting myself all worked up over this. Next time some innocent kind-hearted old lady urges me to smile I think I might punch her in the face. :/
*HmC* January 12, 2012, 2:25 pm
(that was directed at Addie Pray but I guess it doesn’t matter…)
Sarah January 12, 2012, 3:41 pm
I honestly have to fight down the RAGE RAGE RAGE every time I think about men who’ve done it to me. It is such a socially accepted disparagement to women because you’re right, who would ever say that to a man? Men get to go out in public with their face in a natural expression and women have to act like they’re walking around in a f*cking Julie Andrews musical.
AKchic January 12, 2012, 2:23 pm
Telling someone that you physically cannot smile works, or tell them that “yes, you’re right, it’s not THAT bad, it’s WORSE” and then describe a litany of fake things that have happened to you in the last week, up to and including an alien abduction where your toenails were raped will really work wonders.
rainbow January 12, 2012, 4:10 pm
http://asofterworld.com/index.php?id=759 they posted one about this today!
theattack January 12, 2012, 7:17 pm
Someone told me to smile right after both my grandma AND my lifelong dog died last winter. I’d never thought of this as a gender issue. Just a “You never know what someone else is going through” issue. But you guys are definitely right! No one would ever say that to a man.
moonflowers January 12, 2012, 9:59 pm
“Like” on your statement. “Dislike” on inconsiderate people who only care what face you show them. Sorry about your grandma and your dog.
theattack January 12, 2012, 10:26 pm
Thanks. I really appreciate it. It’s pretty fresh right now, as my dog has been dead a year this week.
Will.i.am January 13, 2012, 3:26 pm
I disagree. I’ve been told to smile more times than I can count. You know what happened? When I learned to “fake it till I make it” everyone seemed to be more pleasant to me. I’ve worked with someone who wasn’t pleasant and I will never want to be put in that situation again. You don’t have to have a shit eating grin on your face, but just look approachable.
I’m sorry, but if someone looks pissed off and sad. I’m going to think they are in a bitchy mood. Guy or girl, gender doesn’t matter on this issue.
RhyanShae January 12, 2012, 11:50 pm
I have always heard this phrase at my job, by both sexes, but it took reading this thread to realize it was more often spoken by men, and usually by those about my father’s age. These are the same that if I DID smile, would call me “Smiley” in that creep-tastic way that makes my skin crawl. Not to mention that because I work in a service industry, a smile automatically means I want to jump their bones, don’t ya know? Ugh.
va-in-ny January 12, 2012, 12:51 pm
The one that gets me into a rage is, “You always do that!”
Um, no. I don’t ALWAYS do anything! Ughhhhh
lets_be_honest January 12, 2012, 12:57 pm
YES! Always and never throws me into the Seth Meyer voice “Really? Really I ALWAYS do that?” Grrrrr.
TheOtherMe January 12, 2012, 4:33 pm
The Seth Meyer voice always makes me smile LBH !!!
Mel January 12, 2012, 12:57 pm
You always get mad when someone tells you you always do someting!
AHA!
va-in-ny January 12, 2012, 1:01 pm
yep! That’s the only thing!
AKchic January 12, 2012, 2:26 pm
*laugh* I ALWAYS breathe (unless I’m not, in which case, I’m dead). I always blink (unless I’ve lost my eyelids, and then we really should go find them). I always sleep with my eyes closed (unless I don’t). And I always pee sitting down (mainly because I lost my penis during the Civil War, thanks to a lucky bayonette stab to the groin, but that’s another story for another day). Anything else is just an overexaggeration.
Mainer January 12, 2012, 1:06 pm
“Calm your tits, I was just joking.”
I just think the phrase “calm your tits” is funny, but that sentiment isn’t always shared by the fairer sex.
Morgan January 12, 2012, 1:34 pm
One of my best (girl) friends always says “calm your tits.” I love it, but if a guy said that to me, I don’t think I’d love it as much.
Something More January 12, 2012, 3:00 pm
Kind of bordering on sexism with that one…
Morgan January 12, 2012, 4:10 pm
I have a very ambivalent relationship with the word “tits.” On the one hand, I kind of like it. On the other hand, I usually associate it with very negative situations, because the only times I’ve heard guys use the word is in a very negative way (usually sketching on some poor girl in a bar, specifically).
theattack January 12, 2012, 10:35 pm
Do you mean the phrase “calm your tits” is bordering on sexism, or that it’s sexist to only be okay with girls saying it?
Something More January 13, 2012, 7:27 am
To be OK with only girls saying it.
theattack January 13, 2012, 11:31 am
Hmm… I don’t think it is. I mean, there are certain things you’re only okay with certain people saying. For example, it would be okay for my best friend to tell me my dress has gotten too tight. Definitely NOT okay for my boyfriend (or any other guy) to say to me.
Something More January 13, 2012, 1:47 pm
Right. Which is why I said it is “kind of bordering…” I’m sure we all have things, like your example, that are more acceptable said from one gender or another. I was just making an observation. Considering how riled up people get over double standards on here (hence almost the whole basis of Wendy’s post) I just thought it was… ironic.
Will.i.am January 13, 2012, 3:30 pm
Really? That is kind of dumb to me. I had a girlfriend tell me that I wasn’t attractive anymore because I had gotten lazy and only wanted to wear sweatpants. True story. Why not be told you need to spruce up due to losing focus. I rather someone be honest with me the pussy foot around issues. That’s probably why so many people end up in relationships that haven’t been going anywhere in 3 years, and they write to DW about it!
Something More January 13, 2012, 3:47 pm
Yeah, I would hope that my man would let me know if something I was wearing wasn’t flattering anymore. I have said on many occasions, “Yeah, you aren’t wearing that/those.” As long as he’s not a douche about it, I would hope I’m the kind of person who could take a little constructive criticism.
MovingAgain January 12, 2012, 11:51 pm
LOL one of my great girlfriends always says “Hike up your tits and get on with it”…love that phrase, I’d be pissed at calm your tits though, do my tits have emotions? No
Dennis Hong January 12, 2012, 1:39 pm
Cool your sack, Mainer.
Mainer January 12, 2012, 2:01 pm
Calm your dong, Hong.
We’re getting a lot of snow today, cooling my sack should not be a problem.
AKchic January 12, 2012, 2:28 pm
You too, eh? The reports are so varied that I’ve heard 9-18 inches, 6-12 inches, 10-15, and 12-14. I can barely see the building a block over and my truck has gotten 4 inches on it in the last 2.5 hours since I got to work. It’s awesome.
Chillin’ my drill won’t be hard today 🙂
Mainer January 12, 2012, 2:41 pm
We’ve probably got around 6 so far and it’s still coming down fairly decent. Not as thick, seems on the verge of changing to sleet and then later today freezing rain, which they predicted. So that’ll be fun.
AKchic January 12, 2012, 3:20 pm
Irony – ACDC’s “Big Balls” is playing on the radio right now…
Dennis Hong January 12, 2012, 3:21 pm
My dong whirls, remember? It’s never calm.
Given the weather you have out there, would you prefer that I wish you keep your nuts toasty?
AKchic January 12, 2012, 3:32 pm
Goodness gracious, great balls of fire!
TheOtherMe January 12, 2012, 4:35 pm
I don’t know why any man would actually prefer Tits that are clam, just sayin’
TheOtherMe January 12, 2012, 4:36 pm
And by “clam” I mean CALM dammit !
Mainer January 12, 2012, 5:08 pm
mmm, clammy tits.
PFG-SCR January 12, 2012, 5:10 pm
You must be suffering from hypothermia already, mainer.
Landygirl January 12, 2012, 1:12 pm
I’m guilty of #12 because I still don’t know how women walk in those things. I’m a flats gal through and through. #5, I hate that, its as if we are put on this earth to delight men with our pearly whites. #17 because guys go through the motions of a relationship to lull you into having sex with them but then fall back on the “but I told you I wasn’t looking for a relationship” line.
*HmC* January 12, 2012, 1:55 pm
These should be taught in sex ed. As what not to do, and what not to stand for.
sweetleaf January 12, 2012, 2:30 pm
I’ve never had a guy say any of these things to me!
redessa January 12, 2012, 2:49 pm
When I was pregnant with my first child I was driving an awesome 2-seat convertible. My husband had a regular car (you know, with a back seat and a top on it) but it was only a 2-door model. So we started looking for a standard 4-door sedan to replace my car with to better accomodate the baby. Well, I went to go look at cars one afternoon by myself (since would be *my* car after all) and found one I wanted to test drive. The sales guy actually told me to come back with my husband. I was kind of dumbfounded at the time and just left but went back later and complained. I hope it goes without saying they did not get our business because of that jerk of a salesman.
AKchic January 12, 2012, 3:24 pm
Oooo, that would have burned my ass too. When we were looking for a suburban, guys wouldn’t talk to me, but would talk to my SO (who knows nothing about vehicles). They would start telling him BS and I would calmly walk around and pop the hood and start looking around. Point out problems. They’d continue their sales pitch with my SO.
Anyone who ignores me during a sale loses my business. Plain and simple. I’m paying for it, I’m the one who will be taking care of the maintenance and repairs (if any are needed), therefore I will not be ignored.
theattack January 12, 2012, 7:22 pm
This happened to me buying archery supplies this winter. I had to get the guy at the store to help me with some stuff, and I was the one who approached him. But because my dad happened to be with me, not even paying attention, the sales dude kept talking to HIM about it instead. Uhmm, hello, don’t piss me off when there’s reason to believe I have a weapon.
JK January 12, 2012, 7:30 pm
I would love to do archery SO MUCH!!! But people laugh at me when I say that because my arms have next to no muscle on them.
theattack January 12, 2012, 8:05 pm
Mine really don’t either! You just need to get the right bow! A recurved bow doesn’t require much strength, except to hold the thing up in a steady position. There’s not a heavy draw. If you want to use a compound bow, just find one with a lighter draw. Seriously, archery is amazingly fun! It’s relaxing, and it’s a great way to channel your position energy and get rid of the negative. Plus we all know those skills will become useful in the coming apocalypse…. haha Seriously, you should do it! Tell me if you do!
JK January 12, 2012, 8:10 pm
Thanks for the advice, I´ll have to find a place near me.
Sue Jones January 12, 2012, 2:58 pm
Add:1. Oh her? We’re just friends. 2. My wife won’t mind, we have an arrangement. 3. Check’s in the mail. 4. I’ll do it tomorrow. 5. I cleaned up. ( really means ” I washed one spoon and left the rest for you”)
CatsMeow January 12, 2012, 3:10 pm
#5 is one of my biggest pet peeves EVERRRR (probably tied with people who put the make/model of their car or some other distinguishing characteristic on their personalized license plate – for instance, an Escalade that says XCALADE or ANY VW bug that has “BUG” [ie, LOVE BUG] on their plate). No one will ever say #15 to me. 🙁 My hands are skinny and loooooong, like witch hands, and they spread out so WIDE that some people are surprised I can’t palm a basketball.
Something More January 12, 2012, 3:12 pm
8. “You’re about the same size as my wife. Would you wear this?”
10. “What perfume are you wearing? I want to buy some for my girlfriend.”
Maybe I’m reading them differently, but I don’t really see an issue with these…?
Wendy January 12, 2012, 3:20 pm
I’m curious if you’re a man or a woman. I think most women would probably agree with me that a) just because your wife and I look to be the same size doesn’t mean we have the same taste in clothes (plus, it’s kind of creepy to be “sized up” by a random married guy), and b) it’s kind of weird that you want your girlfriend to smell like me.
AKchic January 12, 2012, 3:31 pm
I dunno… creepy yet flattering. The guy is TRYING, so there are points there for that. At the same time, yes, it’s a bit creepy because the guy is checking you out and sizing you up/noticing you in that kind of light.
With the perfume thing – if you wear it, people can smell it. If they can smell it and like it, isn’t it nice to know that someone actually likes it enough to want someone ELSE to wear it around him too? I mean, why wear it if you don’t want it noticed? How is it okay for a woman to ask what perfume you’re wearing, but not a guy to get as a gift for his female companion?
If I guy were to ask me if I would wear a particular article of clothing that he wanted to choose for his female companion, I would probably answer as I do when elderly women ask me the same question (it’s happened when I’ve worked retail and they were shopping for grandkids in their teens): “We may not have the same taste in clothes, so it probably would be better to ask one of their friends, family, or settle on a gift card”. Unless a guy has seen a woman wear the exact same thing, or she has specifically said “I want X brand in X color” etc, then guys should really avoid buying clothing.
Morgan January 12, 2012, 4:30 pm
Oh, the grandmas. For some reason, they loved me when I was younger. I’d be in the mall and some older woman would tell me she had a granddaughter about my age, and did I think she would like x or y Except I was a really tall kid, so this would happen when I was 8, and grandma actually was shopping for a 16 year old. Grandmas aren’t the best judges of age.
CMF January 13, 2012, 9:53 am
Totally had the opposite! I’m only 4′ 10″, and women would say, “My daughter/granddaughter is about your age, would you like this?” and it was like a purple corduroy jumper with Winnie-the-Pooh on it and I was maybe 19 at the time.
MELH January 13, 2012, 12:02 pm
Grandmas can be bad on size too! Once when I was younger, I wore a size 12 in kids clothing. My grandma gave me an outfit that was a size 12 in juniors. it fit my mom. and I was be no means a big kid….i’m still only 5’2″!
Will.i.am January 13, 2012, 3:37 pm
Exactly. There’s times I’ve loved perfume on a female friend and asked what it was, because my mother or girlfriend would have liked it as well. I don’t see anything wrong with that at all. The trying on clothes thing is a bit creepy. But like you said Akchic, instead of focusing on how the situation put you off, look at it more as an awkward flattering situation.
I was at a club 4 or 5 years ago when I was still on the pudgy side and I made a mistake of wearing a red shirt. Since I’m black, a drunk lady decided to come up to me and say, “Hey, has anyone ever said you look like Fat Albert?!” And in front of all my friends as well. Clearly, I wasn’t too flattered, but I wasn’t mad enough to get upset either. It takes me having real emotion with someone to get upset. If it’s someone passing down the street I can give a shit what they think about me.
Red_Lady January 14, 2012, 7:53 pm
I’ve had a few older ladies ask me about clothes for their daughter/granddaughter while I was just shopping. Never any creepy men, though. I completely understand Wendy’s point though – being the same size does not AT ALL imply similar styles.
redessa January 12, 2012, 3:39 pm
Eh, I don’t so much have a problem with these either if some poor clueless guy is looking lost in the mall. But if it were someone like my best friend’s husband, I might start getting creeped out.
Then again, I recently had to help out some man on the tampon aisle at walmart because he hadn’t written down the name of what he was supposed to be getting and turned out he was looking for a product name that didn’t exist. So when a woman (me) happened into that section, he looked like he’d just seen a lifeline. LOL I figure if I can help with personal hygiene supplies, I can steer a man in the direction of the perfume counter.
Jiggs January 12, 2012, 3:44 pm
The second one also raises the important question: why is this man smelling me?
cporoski January 12, 2012, 3:50 pm
I worked in retail and this happened all the time. the joke is that guys have no idea what size thier wife is so they fumble through it all. I think it all has to do with the way it is said. If they guy looks at you with that desperate look like I need help, I don’t mind. If they are doing it with an I’m hitting on you voice, that is different.
cporoski January 12, 2012, 3:53 pm
Also, it is funny that they would never say that to a guy…like “hey bro, you are about the same size as my wife <> would you wear this?
cporoski January 12, 2012, 3:54 pm
what cologne are you wearing? I want my wife to smell like you!
Something More January 12, 2012, 4:04 pm
Woman.
a). True, being “sized up” by a married man would be creepy, but I guess I just read it as some helpless sap who is trying to be sweet and buy his wife something, got to the store and realized they are all in different sizes!! I’m a benefit-of-the-doubt giver… lol.
b). Why? The girlfriend isn’t the only one that has to smell it or be subjected to it when she walks in the bathroom. Personally, I wouldn’t buy my man anything that I didn’t like the smell of.
moonflowers January 12, 2012, 10:05 pm
The “my sister is close to your size” line is actually recommended by pick-up artists as a good way to start talking to potential-target women while shopping. So maybe sometimes it’s innocent, but sometimes it isn’t.
sobriquet January 12, 2012, 4:48 pm
“Stop being so sensitive!”
“Are you mad?” asked while I’m stressed out. This one KILLS ME. I’m allowed to have other emotions that don’t involve you, boyfriend!
“Smile!” said by a complete stranger (similar to #5). Why do men think this is acceptable? It makes me think of the 50’s, where a woman’s sole purpose was to make the men around her feel comfortable and happy. Gross.
Leroy January 12, 2012, 10:07 pm
I think that you’re misreading ‘smile!’. It’s intrusive and condescending, but it’s probably motivated by a misguided sense of chivalry more so than an attempt to make you conform to some 50’s stereotype. Like other commenters have noticed, that sort of statement is likely to come from an older man. He thinks that you’re upset and that it’s his responsibility to make you feel better. He also sees every woman under 35 as a proxy for his daughter.
This like the others can also arise from anxiety. Angry women tend to make men very uncomfortable. The way that men and women express anger is a bit different, and escalates differently. The same behavior coming from a man signals a potential threat. Compounding this is the fact that we can’t respond to you in the same way (i.e. with physical violence ). So now you’ve got a perceived threat that you’re unable to defend yourself against. Hence anxiety.
Caris January 15, 2012, 8:16 pm
It doesn’t mean anything that they are older, and I highly doubt they are trying to be chivalrous. And believe me, many of them do not see women under 35 as a proxy of their daughters or grand daughters. Unless they feel attracted to them (ew!). I can’t count how many times older guys have stared at me and/or said creepy things to me (hi babe,etc,etc). So no, just because the guy that is saying it is old enough to be your dad or your grand-dad doesn’t make him a nice not creepy guy.
pamplemousse January 12, 2012, 9:15 pm
I hate #1, especially when a) a male co-worker says it to me and b) when I’ve not done anything the could possibly be conceived as freaking out… and c) when a and b occur at the same time.
Meredith January 12, 2012, 11:36 pm
Lol! Love it…number 1 makes me so mad! Especially when said in the “you’re obviously totally crazy” tone. Don’t patronize me!
RhyanShae January 12, 2012, 11:59 pm
Probably the most irritating thing I get is with my male friends insisting on telling me about their sex lives and which women are hot or not, etc. I don’t know what motivates them to discuss it with me, and it comes out of nowhere. It drives me bonkers because it’s unsolicited and I really don’t WANT to know about their sex life! I don’t care! I don’t get it.
Painted_lady January 13, 2012, 12:10 am
Yeah, read these to Painted Dude while he was making dinner (it’s his birthday and my weirdo boyfriend WANTED to cook), and he laughed his ass off at most of them. The stronger drinks bit was especially funny as I can handle WAY more liquor than him – the one time he tried to outdo me ended up with him worshipping the porcelain god at 3 am…and then again at 3:30…and again at 4. Now when I say, “Wow, I’m feeling it,” that’s his sign to STOP.
Although he seems hellbent on singeing off his tastebuds, so when he says it’s spicy…I generally go carefully.
CMF January 13, 2012, 10:01 am
The one I can’t stand is, “Wow, I didn’t know you were so feisty!” after I express an opinion. Feisty is probably my most-hated word when used to describe anything besides a kitten.
MELH January 13, 2012, 12:14 pm
Any comments made about a woman’s voice are bad too. I had a boss who told me “I spoke like a child.” I asked him if he meant that I used childish language (something I could improve), and he responded, no it was just the sound of my voice. I was furious at the insinuation that I needed to deepen my voice to be taken seriously.
Something More January 13, 2012, 1:55 pm
Honestly, I get a little weirded out by any “child-like voices.” Joey Lauren Adams… LOVE her as an actress, but I don’t think I could listen to her talk for more than one movie. Altho, if it was available I would have her voice saying “That BITCH!” from Dazed and Confused as my ringtone.
LadyinPurpleNotRed January 13, 2012, 2:00 pm
Dazed and Confused is one of my favorite movies and that is one of my favorite parts!
Something More January 13, 2012, 2:56 pm
Mine too and MINE TOO!! 🙂
rainbow January 13, 2012, 3:17 pm
“Oh, come on. I MEANT to do it. That has to count for something”
You’re not a child learning how to behave, and I’m not your mom being happy that you at least had the intention of doing it. Intentions don’t count in grownup world if you don’t back them up with actions.
fast eddie January 13, 2012, 3:28 pm
How about equal time for the stuff women say to men?
1. You wouldn’t understand, it’s a girl thing. (Your right, we don’t.)
2. Does this dress make me look fat? (Like you really want an answer to that?)
3. What are you having (to eat)?
Wendy January 13, 2012, 3:42 pm
Eddie, there’s a whole video series devoted to “Shit Girls Say.”
Will.i.am January 13, 2012, 3:45 pm
Exactly, both genders do things that are annoying but that’s what makes us love the opposite sex or even the same sex. Since it seems some gay and lesbian relationships still have some gender role at play. I’m not stereotyping here either. If I’m far off someone please correct me.
I love that I’m different from a woman and mess up to where she has to correct me. I’m not perfect nor do I want to be and I for sure don’t want to be a robot either.
Leroy January 13, 2012, 4:16 pm
Yeah, there’s shit girls say, guys say, black guys say, etc… The first SGS was funny in parts, then it got tired very quickly.
Anna January 13, 2012, 7:34 pm
#12 is something I say too, even though I am a woman. Apparently the ability to walk in high heels is NOT inherent to the extra X chromosome…I love how they look because I’m only 5’3″ but I’ve actually managed to twist my ankle in my 2″ wedges. I think I was born with 2 left feet.
#19 really pisses me off…I am a professional woman and when I am hired for my dream job it will be because of my actual qualifications, not my lack of a penis. Luckily, my guy would never say that. He knows I am very qualified for a great career and that’s why we’ve already decided we are going to try for a single-income household when we have kids…with me as the breadwinner and him staying home to cook/clean/watch kids.
I’ve never heard #15 but my boyfriend has told me I have funny little elf/hobbit hands. lol.
#20 is the reason my current boyfriend is my boyfriend. Up until I met him, most guys who said they would call didn’t so I assumed that phrase meant “I’m not interested.” When I expressed interest in dating my current boyfriend (we were coworkers), he said he would call me that night so I basically had already written it off as “He’s not interested and now this is going to be awkward.” But he did call, right when he said he would! That’s when I knew asking him out was the right move.