It’s time again for Shortcuts. For every question, I’ll give my advice in just a few sentences because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great that being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go.
I am 44 years and I have had a long-distance relationship with my guy for about three years. I have made all the trips in this relationship to visit with him since, as he says, my “schedule is more flexible.” I feel like our relationship is not progressing and I really am not sure if this is what I want anymore. He has seen me through some tough times but over the phone only. I have yet to have a visit from him, even though we have only about 130 miles in between us, which takes about one hour and fifteen minutes to drive. When I do get a chance to visit, it’s only for one day. I never get to spend more than that because of his work schedule. I feel like we are still at first base and stuck. I am at the point in my life where I am ready to settle down. I just don’t want to be wasting my time anymore. Hopefully, you can help me get some clarity. — Wasting Time?
I’m sorry, but you are wasting your time with this man if, after three years, he has not driven an hour and fifteen minutes to visit you in your home and he puts one-day limitations on how long you can visit him in his. He is just not interested in this going any further than it has. MOA.
The guy I’m talking to likes and follows these porn accounts on Instagram, and it’s making me feel kinda shitty. I don’t wanna be that annoying girl to bring it up, but I don’t know what I should do. Should I be worried about it? He doesn’t act weird or anything, and besides his following provocative accounts, everything is good. — Feeling Kinda Shitty
It’s not being “annoying” to express a concern you have about someone, and we need to stop the narrative that says it is. In this narrative, it’s almost always a woman who’s annoying, even though men are equally bothered by — and speak out about — behavior or habits of their female significant others. It’s patriarchal bullshit that needs to stop. So speak up and tell this guy that his public following of porn accounts on Instagram is uncomfortable for you (and give your reasons why) and that, if you continued seeing him, would he consider unfollowing them. If he says yes and does so, great! And if he doesn’t, that’s his prerogative and you can decide whether or not that’s a deal-breaker and move on if it is.
I’ve been on and off with my recent boyfriend for years. He left me for another girl but still cheated on her with me. They dated for two years and have been split up for eight months; we have been dating again for two weeks now. He took the other girl out for her birthday recently and now his sister’s wedding is coming up and he said that he has to take his ex so his family still thinks they are together. He told me not to worry. How do I handle this? — On Again
You move on already and put an end to this on-and-off dead-end relationship with a cheating’, lyin’, two-timin’ loser.
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If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at [email protected].