It’s time again for Shortcuts. For every question, I’ll give my advice in just a few sentences because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great that being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go.
In nearly six years, my boyfriend, Bryan, has paid rent one time and has never ever paid a full month’s bills. He has had multiple jobs and just finally got back to work in May after being off for two years. We are in July now and he has paid me a total of $500 that he won at the casino. He has lost every car he has ever owned, and I have bailed him out of jail, while I have also been paying for our rent, food, and everything else. If I bring it up, he tells me I am attacking him. I explain that, no, I am not — I am just sick of his living for free.
Please help me. Am I crazy to think it’s wrong to have a boyfriend pay his half of the bills? — Paying His Half for Too Long
Of course not, but you sure are crazy to stay with the gaslighting loser mooch all these years. It’s way past time to MOA.
I asked my boyfriend to attend my cousin’s wedding with me, and he said, “No, if I have a day off I’d rather do something else.” However, when it comes to his family’s events, I’m expected to attend. It’s not “Will You?” but: “WE have to be there.” I give him the dates for things I want him to attend with me months in advance, while he gives me hours. I realize he’s being selfish in this case but usually he’s a good guy. I’m not sure I want to tolerate this new behavior. Should I stick it out or just leave him? — Minus One?
You should leave him, and you should adjust your idea of a “good guy,” because this dude sounds like the opposite.
My girlfriend and I recently split up. I had moved away to a new job, and the long distance and the busy lives we were both leading meant we didn’t talk much. At the time I thought it was mutual and for the best. Days later, I quickly realized how wrong I was to let this woman go without trying to work on our issues – especially since weeks before we had been speaking about moving in together and in a few months’ time she will be moving to the city I live in! I told her this and acknowledged where I had messed up, but she is adamant that she wants as much time to herself as possible to dedicate to her sports career.
We had spoken about spending the rest of our lives with each other, so her change of heart seems a little drastic to me. I desperately want to win her back and hope we can make a go of it when we live in the same city. What should I do? — Change of Heart
Huh, it’s funny that you dumped your girlfriend only a few weeks after you were talking about moving in together and, yet, you think HER change of heart, now that you have second thoughts about the breakup, is “a little drastic.” It’s also funny that the subject line of the email you sent me was: “My girlfriend of two years broke up with me to focus on her sports career,” when that is so not the case. YOU broke up with HER. She’s just wise enough not to take you back. Let her be; there’s probably some other woman who is lonely enough to put up with your bullshit (see a couple examples above…) until your next change of heart.
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If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org.