It’s time again for Shortcuts. For every question, I’ll give my advice in just a few sentences because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great that being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go.
Not telling me they were a gift from this girl, my boyfriend puts them on me and then proceeds to tell me that this girl got them for him and that she told him they were for wearing after sex. My boyfriend said that he wouldn’t ever wear them but that they look good on me and he’d like me to have them.
I feel a bit strange about this whole scenario and I’m not really sure if I should keep the pants or whether I should tell my boyfriend that this whole situation makes me uncomfortable. — What Do I Do With These Pants?
I mean… do the pants fit? Do you like them? Are they comfy? If so, you could say: “The pants are comfortable, but this situation is not. Giving post-sex attire to someone you aren’t dating is inappropriate. Passing said gift along to your girlfriend is even stranger. I’m not sure I’m ok with your friendship with this woman, and I’d feel better if you no longer spent time alone with her.” If he can’t guarantee that, you should move on.
There’s no reason a guy has to go to his ex’s home once every two weeks “just to talk.” Please. Your boyfriend’s a jerk and a liar and you need to listen to your intuition to not trust him. He calls you insecure as a way to distract you from the bullshit he’s pulling and make you question yourself. This is called gaslighting and it’s a classic tactic manipulators use. Fuck that. Oh, and “I lied because I knew you’d be upset by the truth” is also classic manipulation — as if it’s YOUR fault he had to lie. Come on. Dump this jerk and MOA.
Block his wife and/or him on social media so that their photos and posts don’t show up in your feeds. If you want, you can propose that you all agree not to post photos of the kids. And/or you can simply get off social media. If your relationship with your ex and his wife is cordial for the sake of the kids, it would seem that maintaining that is a much bigger priority than keeping in touch with the girl you sat next to in geometry in eighth grade.
Follow along on Facebook, and Instagram.
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org.