It’s time again for Shortcuts. For every question, I’ll give my advice in just a few sentences because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great that being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go.
It doesn’t sound like their presence is enough though, is it? You’re also asking for them to spend $45 each (so $90 per couple — more if people are bringing children — plus tip, plus money for drinks) for their dinner. Oh, and some people may have to drive up to an hour each way to this “centrally-located” place. Are some people going to need babysitters, too? That’s not cheap either, especially if you’re paying for up to two hours of babysitting time just for your commute.
I understand that you didn’t have a wedding and so you want to do something “nice” now to celebrate ten years of marriage. Throwing a party at a fancy winery with a gourmet meal would be great… if you could afford it, but you can’t. You’re asking you guests to subsidize your party, which is not only bad etiquette, it could potentially threaten your relationships with your guests. I don’t see how it’s any different than throwing a wedding and asking people to pay for their plates. If you want to invite people to a dinner to celebrate with you, you either host at your place or you pay for the dinner at a restaurant yourself. You could also choose an inexpensive place with a varied menu — so people can choose a $6 soup as their entree if they want — and you at least pay for a bunch of appetizers (and/or pitchers of beer and soft drinks). But you definitely don’t pick a gourmet winery and stick the guests with 75% of the tab. I guess my response is longer than a typical shortcuts response, but girl, it needed to be said.
P.S. Happy anniversary (really)!
How do you move in with a guy you’ve known only a few months when you have three kids, especially when the dude in question hasn’t expressed any interest in being a parent figure to them?! Yes, break up, move out, and start focusing on your kids.
This probably won’t be the last time a guy tries to make a unilateral decision about and for you without asking for your input. Now is the time to practice saying no and to set a precedent for the rest of your life that you matter, your wants and needs matter, and that you are in control of your personal decisions. You can do this by telling him firmly: “You must be confused. I’m not interested in being your girlfriend and it makes me uncomfortable when you text me that you love me, so please stop.”
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If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org.