It’s time again for Shortcuts. For every question, I’ll give my advice in three sentences or less, because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great, being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go. Today we discuss sleeping with dogs and how not to cry at work.
I recently started seeing this guy whom I have so much in common with. I enjoy his company, his take on life, and his overall demeanor. It was pretty effortless to fall in love with him, but the only catch is that he has two dogs. I don’t hate dogs and his are actually very sweet and fun, but it bothers me is that my boyfriend has always let the dogs sleep in bed with him. They shed like crazy, take up so much space (which makes it difficult to move around comfortably at night), and jump all over the sheets after they get in from outside. I have brought it up to him a couple times that I do not like that they are in bed, but I felt I didn’t have a ton of right to say something… until now. We just found out I’m pregnant and in a few short months, we’ll have a new baby peanut to welcome. I told my boyfriend that it wouldn’t be good to have the sheets constantly covered in fur and that dogs aren’t people and don’t have a right to sleep with us. I even told him that I wouldn’t allow my cat in bed either. He just clammed up and got defensive. What do I do or say so that I am not fighting this hairy battle forever? — Fearful of Fur
Tell him he has a choice: He can sleep with you or he can sleep with the dogs, but he cannot sleep with both. If he chooses the latter, he can get himself a bed or an air mattress for him and his pets (you and your unborn baby get the comfort of the bed you have now!).
I want to leave my husband, but I am struggling so much with whether this is the right decision to make. We haven’t even been married one year, and we only knew each other for a few months before that. We were really happy in the beginning — great sex, closeness, we talked about a lot of things. My husband didn’t work when we got together — he had quit his job about a year before that. He started working again about a month after we got married. For the first four months of marriage, I paid for everything; he didn’t even have a car. I let him use my car when we got together. Since he started working, life has been difficult, with extra expenses and my husband can’t say no or go cheap if we were to go out to eat. As soon as he gets a buck, he has to spend it immediately. It’s very frustrating. He pouts and makes me feel bad if I say no on going out to eat or eating too expensively. We have bills to catch up on still. We haven’t had sex in two months, and were only averaging once a month for six months before that. He admitted to me finally about eight months ago that he is addicted to porn. But he said he was trying to get better. He’s been saying that for six months. He knows I’m thinking about leaving, and has asked me not to. I asked him if he even remembered when the last time was that we had sex. He couldn’t. I know this is not healthy for a relationship. I take care of everything at home. I do 95% of all household work and manage the budget and checkbook and our health insurance and his recently diagnosed diabetes. I’m not always the best at making right decisions and I don’t know what to do about my marriage. — In Too Deep
See a divorce attorney immediately. You might be able to get your marriage annulled. And then please get yourself to therapy and work on how to make better decisions in the future.
My boss makes me cry. He makes me cry because he’s nasty, his expectations are ridiculous, and he is overly critical. I don’t want to quit my job and I don’t want to take this issue up with HR, because despite the fact that he is well known both in my organisation and across the legal industry (surprise!) for being a huge jerk, he also pulls in the big bucks, so anything I say won’t make a difference and may even make my situation worse. I don’t even know why I cry, because I don’t think that I personally care what he thinks about me, but regardless of why I do get upset, I hate the sense of shame that I feel afterwards. What I would like to know is if you have any strategies that will help me manage my emotions so I can avoid tearing up in front of him? It’s silly, I know, but if I could get through a week without feeling emotionally overwhelmed, it would improve my quality of life so much. — Emotional Injuction
Take a kickboxing or regular boxing class three times a week and pretend the thing you’re punching is your boss. You will get out your aggression in a healthier way than crying at work and you’ll have a kick-ass bod to boot.
*If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org and be sure to follow me on Twitter.