Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Shortcuts: “He Won’t Put My Picture on His Facebook Page”

FacebookIt’s time again for Shortcuts. For every question I’ll give my advice in just a few sentences because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great that being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go.

I have asked my boyfriend to put my pictures on his Facebook page, but he keeps telling me that I’m nagging him and controlling him and that he doesn’t think we have a future together, so should I MOA or what? — LW 1


My girlfriend and I have been together a year and four months. A while ago, I was stupid and cheated on her with her friend. Thank god she forgave me. But we both made a deal to not talk to the friend ever again. Also, a while ago we broke up and she didn’t wanna talk to me, so, to push me away, she told me she was in love with this other guy. We got back together later, and he told me she didn’t really love him but she was just saying that to keep me away. She’s best friends with him and once she lied to me to go meet him. I know nothing happened, but he’s always texting her and I know he likes her. I told her that, since she was uncomfortable with me talking to the girl I cheated on her with, she shouldn’t talk to this guy since I’m uncomfortable with it. What do you think? — Uncomfortable with her friend

I think that, because you have one cheating mistake, an unrelated breakup, and distrust on both sides to the point of saying whom you can and cannot talk to, it’s time to cut your losses and MOA.

My boyfriend and I have been together since June 5th. Back some time around the beginning of December we had a some people over. One of them was a tattoo artist so he had three women come over with him. Anyway, my boyfriend came onto one of them while I was standing in our kitchen watching. He had no idea that I was even standing there. It still bothers me to this day, but any time I bring up the subject he just says that he didn’t do it and doesn’t want to talk about it. He was intoxicated, but that still doesn’t make it right. I don’t know what to do about this. I can’t even get him to answer why he would flirt with another woman if he’s as happy as he says he is, not to mention why he would do it in front of me…especially in our apartment. — No More Flirting in My Kitchen

Do tattoo artists always have entourages of women they travel with? You said it like it was a matter of fact: “He’s a tattoo artist, so yeah, naturally, he had three women with him.” Also, you met in June and were already living together six months later? You move fast! Also: what is it that you want your boyfriend to tell you? If you saw what you saw, it’s not like you need him to confirm it for you, right? You know what you saw! If you’re looking for a reason as to why your boyfriend would flirt with another woman, here you go: because he was attracted to her and felt like it and wasn’t thinking about you. Now, if you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen.


You can follow me on Facebook here and sign up for my weekly newsletter here.

If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at wendy@dearwendy.com.

120 comments… add one
  • j2 February 14, 2014, 9:05 am

    Triple Facepalm Friday!

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  • dabbler February 14, 2014, 9:19 am

    i’m glad i’m not the only one that picked up on the implied tattoo artist entourage… haha.

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    • GatorGirl February 14, 2014, 9:27 am

      Yeah…I was totally confused by that too.

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      • ktfran February 14, 2014, 9:39 am

        Me Three. Well, I guess maybe four.

    • MsMisery February 14, 2014, 12:03 pm

      All of my tattoo artists have been married. I’ve never seen them with an entourage, so I have no idea what that’s about!!

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  • mrmidtwenties February 14, 2014, 9:28 am

    I have nothing to add to these letters, other than I’ve been up since 3 this morning to take my roommate to the airport, then I continued driving for a couple of hours to get to my parents house, where I’m spending the next three days because it’s my dad’s birthday. Anyways, I’m bored, who want to be my friend today?

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    • TaraMonster February 14, 2014, 10:36 am

      You were not kidding about using your dad’s birthday as a Valentine’s Day out!

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      • mrmidtwenties February 14, 2014, 11:29 am

        Haha it’s the greatest out ever.

      • Addie Pray February 14, 2014, 11:33 am

        Hahaha, point Tara for remembering!

      • Addie Pray February 14, 2014, 12:02 pm

        Alright, alright, we get it, thumber down, you hate points for Tara. Geez. Also, as my 4 year old nephew likes to say, “you’re a poo poo head!”

  • Katie February 14, 2014, 9:28 am

    Well I guess I shoulda been a tattoo artist. Geez.

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    • call-me-hobo February 14, 2014, 9:38 am

      Have you ever seen the tattoo show “Bad Ink”? I want to be THOSE tattoo artists. They are hilarious. One of them is a soccer dad to two adorable little girls, and the other one has an ugly puppy that he hauls around. Somebody who gets a tattoo will be all, “You wanna go to a party later?” and they’ll be like, “Nahhh, man, My little girls are hosting a sleepover. Can’t miss it”

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      • Morgan February 14, 2014, 9:57 am

        Maybe that was the entourage of women? It was the tattoo artist, his wife, and their two daughters. You boyfriend didn’t hit on a four year old, did he, LW? Because that’s a pretty big detail to leave out.

      • dabbler February 14, 2014, 10:23 am

        haa, ruckus!

  • Ella_ February 14, 2014, 9:37 am

    LW 1: It must be because your boyfriend has a secret family so if he posts your photo on his page, his wife will find out and bust him.

    LW 2: I think it is true love! Might as well get rid of your phones and only have two way radios so you can only contact each other because true love means being suspicious of all your SO’s friends of the opposite sex.

    LW 3: Was the tattoo artist giving someone a tattoo at your apartment? Were the women his assistants? How do all those people fit in your kitchen?

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  • GatorGirl February 14, 2014, 9:39 am

    I wonder what the percentage of DW letters involve FB issues. It seems like an awful lot.

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  • Amanda February 14, 2014, 9:42 am

    …and I’m no longer feeling down about being single on Valentine’s Day.

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    • MsMisery February 14, 2014, 12:05 pm

      My valentine is my cat. I am going to buy him a rose and he is going to eat it.

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  • ktfran February 14, 2014, 9:46 am

    I’m super excited to get a boyfriend. Because when it finally happens, I can’t wait to use the word boyfriend. And the moment he becomes my boyfriend, his facebook profile picture and his cover photo MUST be a picture of me. Also, my boyfriend better change his facebook status to in a relationship IMMEDIATELY! Then, a couple weeks after he becomes my boyfriend, he won’t be allowed to speak to any other female ever. I will cease communication with all males. Hmm, maybe we’ll never leave the house. And forget about inviting anyone over. Especially tattoo artists. Who knows what kind of women they’ll bring. Boy, I can’t wait. Sounds like so much fun.

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    • iwannatalktosampson February 14, 2014, 12:16 pm

      TOTALLY unrelated – what ever ended up happening with your Colorado boy?

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      • ktfran February 14, 2014, 2:00 pm

        Ooh, that fizzled. Unfortunately. We saw each other the weekend before Christmas. We texted a bit on Christmas and New Year’s. He sent a happy birthday text exactly a month ago, on my birthday. But nothing in between. After the holiday visit, I pretty much knew it was over, and I was going to tell him as much. But he never called again. And I didn’t call him. But what do I say, “hey, you don’t contact me anymore so it’s over?”. Because before, he would at least call every week.

        Idk. I’m pretty devastated. Especially since I know if things were different, i.e., he hadn’t move, we would be dating. I’ll get over it though. Now on to the next unsuspecting lad.

  • MaliceInMaryland February 14, 2014, 9:51 am


    signed, Malice.

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    • Maddie Gray February 14, 2014, 10:11 am

      Hi Malice. There are so many crazy people in the world – people like NSP (wow, i love you, starpattern), people who throw remote controls at their girlfriends for falling asleep early (dem bitches have some nerve, right NSP?), people who like to thumb down AP (i mean WHOA), people who get out of a 4-year prison sentence for stalking (and IMMEDIATELY, the very next day, re-stalk) … I want to crawl into a hole and disappear. signed, Maddie

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      • TaraMonster February 14, 2014, 10:42 am

        I feel like I missed something big this week! THUMBING DOWN ADDIE PRAY?! Why does all the drama happen when I’m MIA from DW?!

      • Maddie Gray February 14, 2014, 11:14 am

        It’s been a weird week for Addie. She’s dealing with a crazy stalker and also a lot of downward thumbs. I mean, the former has been worse but just by a like a … thumb. (That was kind of funny, no?)

      • TaraMonster February 14, 2014, 12:23 pm

        Holy crap, I just read that whole thread. NSP successfully scared me into not posting on it, even though I want to hug Starpattern forever and drink wine with her and also tell her to get a retraining order or something bc HOLY SHIT.

        Also, I want a grumpy name. But I already have Monster in my name. Maybe I should make a cheerful name instead? Idunno what to do!

      • iseedeadpeople February 14, 2014, 12:26 pm

        ScaraMonster 🙂

      • TaraMonster February 14, 2014, 12:44 pm

        It took me a second to work out your real DW name, and I am dying!!! I think yours and Deathany are my faves. Hahaha.

      • bethany February 14, 2014, 2:07 pm

        I’m sure it makes Deathany happy to know you like her name 🙂

      • TaraMonster February 14, 2014, 12:51 pm

        What about TerrorMonster? Redundant?

      • TaraMonster February 14, 2014, 12:55 pm

        Wait. Wait. What if I do it this way:


        Is that scarier?

      • iseedeadpeople February 14, 2014, 1:30 pm

        And then if we had a cute puppy renaming you could be TERRIERmonster!

      • Banana February 14, 2014, 12:35 pm

        WAIT WHAT THREAD? I missed something big on the day I decided not to DW to get more stuff done?!?!

      • iseedeadpeople February 14, 2014, 12:37 pm

      • TaraMonster February 14, 2014, 12:46 pm

        Dude. It’s totally creepy. I read the whole thread and my jaw was just on the floor.

      • MaliceInMaryland February 14, 2014, 12:51 pm

        Banana, you were supposed to save me!!!

      • Banana February 14, 2014, 12:54 pm

        NOOOOOOOOOOOO. I just read it. I feel so bad for you and starpattern and everyone he targeted. Wow. I know that you feel confident there was nothing that he found that you wouldn’t mind people knowing, but I’d still feel creeped out and violated. That’s just not cool.

      • TaraMonster February 14, 2014, 12:57 pm


        That’s your grumpy DW name. You’re welcome.

        (But yeah, the whole thing was totally cray.)

        Also, I take back my above comment because I actually have three favorite Grumpy DW Names and MaliceInMaryland is one of them.

      • Banana February 14, 2014, 1:00 pm

        Maybe mine should be Gru?

      • othy February 14, 2014, 12:24 pm

        Maybe the crazy stalker is her thumb-downer?

  • Morgan February 14, 2014, 9:53 am

    LW 1: If facebook is a major player in your relationship issue, just MOA. Also, your boyfriend told you he doesn’t see a future with you. Appreciate that he is being honest with you and not stringing you along, and listen!

    LW 2: I feel like I just read a pitched idea for a gossip girl episode. Your names wouldn’t happen to be Nate, Serena, Blair, and Chuck would they? MOA.

    LW3: What?

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  • Stonegypsy February 14, 2014, 10:05 am

    All of the tattoo artists I’ve ever met have a minimum of three women with them at all times. It makes it really complicated when I invite them for dinner.

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    • honeybeenicki February 14, 2014, 11:37 am

      I have the same problem. And if I try to invite more than one tattoo artist for dinner at a time, I end up feeding like 40 people. Because the tattoo artists have tattoo artist friends and they all have their 3-minimum entourage. My dining room table only seats 6 or 8 if we use the extender leaf, so I end up having to set up tiny tables throughout the entire house.

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      • Stonegypsy February 14, 2014, 11:42 am

        I know! And I never have enough food for all of them. And I really only have so many plates. And my husband has such a hard time deciding which member of which entourage he wants to come on to, which is very stressful for him.

      • honeybeenicki February 14, 2014, 11:58 am

        We always run out of food, but thankfully a lot of the entourage members don’t eat, so that saves a little bit. We bought stock in a paper plate company to ensure there are always enough dishes, but it’s weird serving certain things on paper plates (lasagna, filet mignon, etc). My husband usually comes on to groups of entourage members in shifts. It makes it a lot less stressful and eaiser to keep track of.

      • Stonegypsy February 14, 2014, 12:05 pm

        Those are such good ideas! You know, I tend to just make up big batches of soup anymore, since it’s so easy to serve a lot of people that way. I should just buy a closet-full of those really good quality paper bowls.
        I’m definitely going to bring up the shifts idea up to my husband. That’s going to make things so much easier.

      • stabstabtastic February 14, 2014, 12:24 pm

        Slow cooker potato soup and some Chinet bowls are the way to go. You should also stock up on plenty of plastic spoons (seriously, those big boxes last FOREVER – I think they self-regenerate). I think I would even skip tables, just maybe set up some small tray tables to set down drinks.

        And now I want to host a tattoo party just to see how my husband would come on to the entourages. What a great experiment. (But really I just want some soup.)

      • honeybeenicki February 14, 2014, 12:43 pm

        Soup! I can’t believe I never even thought of that. It would be very quick and easy. And the chinet bowls would be perfect. I agree that not even providing tables would help. Thank goodness I’m on DW – all of my troubles can be resolved here. As far as the drinks, is that something I should provide or should it be a BYOB type thing? I guess I can provide tap water. That’s what I usually do. But water gets expensive around here.

      • Stonegypsy February 14, 2014, 12:53 pm

        I always make them bring their own booze, but then I end up with PBR in my fridge for weeks and it makes me sad. Why can’t they drink GOOD beer?

  • Portia February 14, 2014, 10:22 am

    Thanks, I needed a good laugh this morning, and instead got three!

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    • MsMisery February 14, 2014, 12:07 pm

      Like an unexpected entourage of laughs??

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  • sarolabelle February 14, 2014, 10:24 am

    LW3 – I am a married woman and my husband still flirts with waitresses, cashiers and sometimes our friends. And I flirt sometimes with his friends who are flirting with me. It is just silly talk. It means nothing at all and we know it. Maybe you are just taking him talking to another woman a little too seriously?

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    • deathany February 14, 2014, 10:28 am

      My parents have been married for 40 years and my dad still flirts with waitresses. I think my mom gets a kick out of it.

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    • othy February 14, 2014, 10:51 am

      Well, it’s not like your husband is flirting with tattoo artist entourages. That’s way worse than flirting with waitresses.

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  • lemongrass February 14, 2014, 10:41 am

    Can I just say that if you feel the need to say “I know they didn’t cheat” or “I know they would never do X” it is a red flag.

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  • Bittergaymark February 14, 2014, 11:42 am

    1) I dunno. How long have you been dating. Your letter is so vague and childlike. If it is truly a REAL relationship of many months? Yes. MOA. If you are only together a few weeks? You are being pretty fucking stupid, desperate, and pathetic.

    2) REALLY get back at her by seducing this hot and obviously hunky male friend/stud of hers. Send me an mp4 of said encounter.

    3) Tattoo artist? Artist? Tattoo? Talk about an oxymoron.

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    • dabbler February 14, 2014, 11:47 am

      you have clearly met the wrong tattooers. 🙂

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    • Addie Pray February 14, 2014, 11:51 am

      Agreed, completely, re: #3.

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      • Addie Pray February 14, 2014, 12:19 pm

        asshat, stop it! if it were about the tattoo comment you would have thumb’d down BGM too but you didn’t – you’re just out to make me feel bad and it’s working! In case you didn’t know, I am one of those people who thrive on positive re-enforcement, and all this negative re-enforcement is giving me an ulcer. AN ULCER, I SAY! But it’s kind of funny, too. But ok maybe your goal is to ruin my stars, but that’s already done and I’m over the stars so let’s all just stop now mmmkay?

      • Addie Pray February 14, 2014, 12:28 pm

        Also who are you? THIS IS DRIVING ME NUTS. Just tell me who you are and I will thumb up all your comments forever if you just. stop. down. thumbing. me. I hate not knowing things that I want to know and I AM GOING NUTS HERE. This is pure agony. Are you HAPPY?????? All the thumbs, all the not knowing, this world is going to the shitter. THE SHITTER!

      • SquirtLemonInYourEye February 14, 2014, 12:42 pm

        Clearly it’s notstarpattern

  • Diablo February 14, 2014, 11:43 am

    OK, this is eerie… I first came on to M at a party… in the kitchen… and she stood there and watched the whole time, even during the kiss. No, wait, it’s not the same, is it?

    True Valentine story: mere seconds after our first kiss, which was in a kitchen at a party, before we had even pulled our faces apart, another woman came up and hit on the both of us. I mean, like, she got right close and tried to kiss us both at the same time. I’ll admit it, I froze. I was so entrenched at the time with this strategy of “one girl would be better than no girls,” that a three way had not even occurred to me. I don’t think M woulda done it, though, demure thing, so I suppose my shock played well into the overall longterm monogamy scenario that has worked out quite well. I know that doesn’t sound romantic, but I assure you, the naughty version is in my mind. M’s coming home tonight after 4 days out of town. Steak and shrimp. One girl is actually pretty good. HULK LIKE MONOGAMY.

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    • Bittergaymark February 14, 2014, 11:53 am

      Straight guys are always so obsessed with the apparently forever forbidden fruit of threeways. Gay guys? Eh, we just go out and actually have fourways… 😉

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      • Diablo February 14, 2014, 12:04 pm

        To be fair, Mark, everybody is kind of obsessed with everything. I know I am. It’s all forbidden fruit for most of us not because of some point of view, but just because most of us have a big enough challenge finding one person to be with. These things simply never happened to me.

        For the sleek, glamourous LA types such as yourself, it’s a brave new world. I’m sure your fourway man action is beautiful and sweaty. For myself, I actually have no complaints. My girl is so sweet, it’s actually like corrupting an innocent every time. True kink is in the mind. Especially of old marrieds.

      • Bittergaymark February 14, 2014, 12:28 pm

        Strangely, my fourway was decades ago and in the rather unlikely state of Arizona. College. Freshman year. With my first male lover/NON-boyfriend who I was hopelessly in love with and who was hopelessly in love with me. Still, we couldn’t be boyfriends! GASP! God no! We were just… Um… Uh… Experimenting! (Hey, it was 1989…)

        Anyway, the fourway happened when we went away with his best friend and his very own nonboyfriend to a condo up in Flagstaff. Mountain air. Hot tub. Vodka. Four hot closeted fraternity guys… What can I say? Sometimes you come out of the closet with a real bang. Sometimes, its condoa gangbang.

      • Addie Pray February 14, 2014, 12:31 pm

        Oh oh can I ask you kind of a nosy question? Have you ever, like, put it in a guy while he was putting it in another guy while he was putting it in another guy while he was putting it in another guy,…. Someone should try that and report back.

      • Bittergaymark February 14, 2014, 12:39 pm

        Oh, what the hell. Yes. We did in fact form a “daisy chain” at one point. Hah! Which at the time I think we rather all thought WE’d just invented… Ah, the sweet naiveté of youth. That is even hotter than all the effortlessly tight bodies.

      • Addie Pray February 14, 2014, 12:41 pm

        Oh and did the chain loop back around to form a bangin’ circle??? If not, please promise me you’ll try it and report back.

      • Bittergaymark February 14, 2014, 12:43 pm

        Yes, but with four it is more like a messy square.

      • Addie Pray February 14, 2014, 12:45 pm

        Get at least 8 dudes in the loop and then get a 9th guy to stand in the middle and, I dunno, hoola hoop. And then film it.

      • SquirtLemonInYourEye February 14, 2014, 12:47 pm

        Oh please, Addie. We all know you want to be hula hooping in the middle.

      • Bittergaymark February 14, 2014, 12:49 pm

        Again, Addie. Seancody.com. They have free previews, too… For each and every video.

      • Addie Pray February 14, 2014, 12:51 pm

        Yea but are there any sean cody videos with me hula hooping in the middle?

      • Diablo February 14, 2014, 12:35 pm

        They made that story into a movie, didn’t they?

      • Bittergaymark February 14, 2014, 12:41 pm

        It’s the basis for many a sean cody vid to be sure.

      • muse February 14, 2014, 1:09 pm

        This is..Um. Really. Hot. I’m a straight female and have trouble not picturing this and being turned on. At work.

        Thanks BGM. And Happy Heart Day!!

  • iwannatalktosampson February 14, 2014, 12:19 pm

    True story: After Colin and I had been dating about 6 months my mom facebook stalked him (most of his page is private so I think she could only see profile pics) and called me legitimately concerned that he didn’t like me very much because there were no pictures of me on his page, and she was concerned he was trying to hide me. Crazy does not fall far from the tree.

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    • Banana February 14, 2014, 12:39 pm

      Did things between you and Colin go south while I was off DW for, like, a day and a half? I am so confused and everything is happening so fast and everyone’s unhappy and I missed it all and now I’m worried for all my internet stranger-friends and all I did was take a day off to write!

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      • iwannatalktosampson February 14, 2014, 12:41 pm

        Haha no I’m calling my mom crazy for thinking because he didn’t have any pictures of me on facebook that meant he didn’t actually like me.

      • Banana February 14, 2014, 12:55 pm

        Phew! Everything went fucking insane yesterday and I was just like, “This will be my personal writing goals day, I can resist DW.”

      • dabbler February 14, 2014, 12:46 pm

        it’s the ‘how do you deal with your so when he’s in a terrible mood’ thread. start on like page 3.

      • Portia February 14, 2014, 4:47 pm

        Oh man, I had no idea that that whole thread was happening yesterday, but I’m reading it now and, WHOA.

    • SquirtLemonInYourEye February 14, 2014, 12:41 pm

      I’m glad my mom isn’t the only Facebook stalker out there. My mom stalks me and calls me to ask about things on my page that she doesn’t understand. “What does ‘gotta get down’ mean?”

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      • theattack February 14, 2014, 12:46 pm

        Omg, she actually calls you? That’s hilarious!

        My mom just thinks that everything on her newsfeed is a personal message to her, and that she’s obligated to comment on EVERYTHING even when she has nothing relevant or interesting to say about the topic. It is so embarrassing.

      • iwannatalktosampson February 14, 2014, 12:51 pm

        MY MOM DOES TOO. And she’ll repost any pictures that I put up, it’s so so embarrassing. The older generation doesn’t really get facebook sometimes.

      • theattack February 14, 2014, 12:53 pm

        Not at all. I don’t want to say that parents shouldn’t be allowed on facebook (like old parents, not like Wendy or lemongrass), but…. parents shouldn’t be allowed on facebook.

      • GatorGirl February 14, 2014, 12:54 pm

        My aunt used to tag herself in my photos, that had NOTHING to do with her. Like a picture of just me and GGuy at the beach, she’d tag herself. WTF?? I think she finally figured it out, but I was super annoyed for a while.

      • theattack February 14, 2014, 12:56 pm

        Ohh man, my aunt did that with all of my graduation photos, and I just told her to stop because it didn’t make any sense. She was offended, but seriously? That’s confusing to EVERYONE.

      • GatorGirl February 14, 2014, 1:06 pm

        I just was passive aggressive and untagged her every time, even though I wanted to scream “that’s what the LIKE is for!!!”

      • theattack February 14, 2014, 1:13 pm

        Hahaha, So true.

      • SquirtLemonInYourEye February 14, 2014, 1:23 pm

        My friends aunt tried to tag herself in my pics of my friend’s kid. Never met this lady before.

      • SquirtLemonInYourEye February 14, 2014, 12:51 pm

        My mom calls me for everything related to the internet. I had to step by step help her set up an email account over the phone. And of course whenever she screws up it’s the computers fault. “I didn’t make a mistake typing my password!” “Those (captchas) are useless, they shouldn’t exist!”

      • theattack February 14, 2014, 12:55 pm

        Haha, of course it couldn’t possibly be a typo!

        The other day my mom was telling me about how she’s going to switch to email communication to arrange the next family reunion, because she was tired of typing out the exact same messages on facebook. I was like “Mom, why don’t you just copy/paste the messages then?” And she shouted “You mean you can copy/paste on facebook?!?!”

      • TaraMonster February 14, 2014, 1:27 pm

        Haha. My aunt does this too. She’ll also comment on things like, “U r so funny, T. C U tmrw! OX AuntUncleGrandmaDogsNames”

        My brothers and I had to explain to her why she doesn’t need to sign all her posts and there is no character limit on FB so she can type her words out in full. She doesn’t sign them anymore, but she was genuinely confused about why she shouldn’t. And she still does the text message circa 2005 abbreviation thing. I can’t get her to understand that one somehow. Lol.

  • Addie Pray February 14, 2014, 12:44 pm

    Oh oh so listen to this: As of 11:43 am central time, of ALL THE COMMENTS above – really, ALL 57 OF THEM, only two commenters have been thumb’d down – me (multiple times, I’ll add) and BGM (just once, but it’s kind of to be expected).
    Am I the only one who sees this as a travesty of justice?!

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    • GatorGirl February 14, 2014, 12:50 pm

      It’s not me AP. I only did it once that first day. Now it’s pretty mean!

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    • bethany February 14, 2014, 12:51 pm

      I only did it that first day!!!!

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    • Banana February 14, 2014, 12:57 pm

      Just just thumbs-downed all my own posts on this thread so you don’t feel alone.

      Dear AP’s down-thumber: cut it out! It’s old now.

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    • sarahhhh February 14, 2014, 2:59 pm

      Addie I am literally searching for all of your comments just to thumbs them up. I am clearly way too invested in this. I’m (hopefully) not creepy though!

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  • rieux February 14, 2014, 1:57 pm

    My otherwise lovely boyfriend had a picture of him and his ex-girlfriend as his Facebook profile for the first couple months that he and I were exclusively/seriously dating (and he’s on facebook a lot, it’s not like he forgot). I pretended to be cool but secretly was not cool, because I mean come on. And he STILL after several years has never put me in his profile. Finally, after like maybe two drunken fits I threw that did not have the desired effect, I was like, “OK, I’m leaving this topic, but if you don’t at least put me in your profile picture on the day we get engaged, the engagement is off.” He laughed and agreed, but he apparently intends to wait until that exact moment.

    I dare anyone here to tell me they’d be 100% cool about this. 🙂

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  • Northern Mermaid February 14, 2014, 2:13 pm

    Totally unrelated, but remember how I posted that forum topic where I was sad because someone I didn’t like posted something mean on my tumblr and I was going to just start a new one and hope she never found me again and then you guys gave the best advice ever, and I didn’t? I’m so glad I did’t because one of my drawings got featured on the MadewithPaper blog and I wouldn’t have known if I abandoned my original tumblr! So yay!!

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  • bethany February 14, 2014, 2:13 pm

    This has nothing to do with anything, but I just felt like telling you guys- Dave’s x-gf emailed him the other day to see if he wanted to have lunch. WTF? I’m impressed that he actually told me about it right away this time. So anyway, they’re going to lunch on March 1st. Who wants to come to PA and spy on them with me? Just kidding! He actually said I could come if I wanted to, but obviously I declined… that’s way weird.

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    • iwannatalktosampson February 14, 2014, 2:23 pm

      I would definitely go spy with you.

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    • Addie Pray February 14, 2014, 2:30 pm

      Me too I’ll go. Iwanna and I should go and get a table RIGHT NEXT TO THEM and record everything they say and report back to you.

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      • iwannatalktosampson February 14, 2014, 2:34 pm

        YES EVEN BETTER. You actually can’t really come Bethany, but we could.

        Can I be snoopy and ask a bunch of questions. Is this an ex you’ve met? Why are they getting lunch. Like are they genuinely friends and still part of the same friend group? Is she in love with him and he wants to be friends? Go.

      • bethany February 14, 2014, 2:50 pm

        I could totally go! I already told him I was going to sit in the booth behind them and spy! He thinks I was kidding, so he’d never know if I was sneaky about it 🙂

        You can totally be snoopy!
        I haven’t met her. They are getting lunch because she asked him to meet up. I guess they’re friends? But I wouldn’t say they’re part of the same “friend group”. They meet up for lunch every year or so- that’s it. I don’t think she’s in love with him, but who knows? He’s quite the catch! She’s married now with 2 kids, so I don’t think she’s trying to get him back or anything.

        They dated in HS and college, so I think she probably hold onto the whole “shared history” thing. My HS boyfriend is still near and dear to my heart because of that reason, I think. So I can’t blame her for feeling the same way. Plus I had dinner with him a few years ago when he was in town!

      • Addie Pray February 14, 2014, 2:52 pm

        Why wouldn’t you want to go? Maybe she’ll tell you some funny old Dave stories? It doesn’t sound like there’s ANYTHING to be worried about. If she’s cool enough that he would want to keep up a friendship maybe you’ll like her!

      • iwannatalktosampson February 14, 2014, 3:02 pm

        Yeah agreed. Now that I know it’s not weird how could you not go? Curiosity would kill this cool cat.

      • bethany February 14, 2014, 3:13 pm

        I would like to hear old Dave stories, but I think it would be weird if I went. I’m fine with them having lunch and being friendly, but I don’t know if I would react well to actually seeing it in person, so I think it’s best if I just leave it alone.

        Also, since he never tells me funny old Dave stories on his own, I’ve started asking him more open ended questions like “Tell me about your favorite Christmas gift” and have actually just shut up and let him talk, and it’s been working! He’s been telling me all sorts of fun stories!

    • GatorGirl February 14, 2014, 3:08 pm

      I’ll come along! Why are they having lunch? That’s weird to me.

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  • iwannatalktosampson February 14, 2014, 2:35 pm

    Do you guys know what does NOT put you in the mood for sexy valentines day fun? Being hungover, tired, grumpy, and eating two breakfast burritos. I am a planet.

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  • theattack February 14, 2014, 3:36 pm

    You guys, I hurt my cat earlier (emotionally), and it’s all my fault. We’re pretty sure that she was abused before she came to us because of a lot of her behaviors. She has PTSD flashbacks where she freaks out and becomes violent over absolutely nothing, and not in the normal way that cats are just moody. For the most part I’ve figured out how to not overwhelm her, but this morning I impulsively forced her to cuddle with me, and she flipped her shit and started attacking me and her son. There was a spiral of nasty fighting between us for a few seconds. She’s been on edge all day now, and I keep apologizing to her and trying to earn her trust back again. I would never hurt her intentionally, but it is really hard to parent an abused animal without flying off the handle sometimes.

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    • bethany February 14, 2014, 3:49 pm


      Give her some space… She’ll come around.

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      • katie February 14, 2014, 3:50 pm

        yea, definitely give her some space. like, literally, but her in a quiet and small room if you can! itll help her calm down.

      • theattack February 14, 2014, 3:55 pm

        I just left her to do what she wanted to do. She has plenty of quiet and isolated spaces she could go to, but surprisingly, she’s just been hanging out on her tower in the living room. She seems to be okay. I just hate betraying her trust.

      • katie February 14, 2014, 3:58 pm

        well, if you have the space, “time outs” are very effective for cats who get worked up- ive used it on zoe before. the hope is that it removes all external stimuli (no people, no other animals, no noises, no food to potentially fight over, no tower to kick the other cats off, no birds outside to get worked up over, ect) so they can calm down.

      • theattack February 14, 2014, 4:03 pm

        So like closing them up somewhere, like a closet? We have a spare bedroom they can go calm down in with no disruption, but I’ve never closed the door on them.

      • Skyblossom February 14, 2014, 4:53 pm

        Our cats always hated being shut into a small room and it would actually panic one of them. I think it made her feel trapped and helpless. Sitting up on a high perch where she can see everything probably makes you cat feel safest. It let’s her feel like she can see danger before it reaches her.

  • Astro February 16, 2014, 3:20 pm

    Also, you met in June and were already living together six months later? You move fast!

    Fast? Is this a joke? I met my wife in March, dated her the first time in May, moved in with her in July, and married her in November. And this was in the mid-1970s. I keep hearing relationships move faster now.

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  • Wayne February 16, 2014, 6:59 pm

    Stuff like this, whiny, bitchy, controlling, petulant, narcissistic crap makes me thankful I’m not in a relationship.

    1. Really, won’t put you on his facebook, even after you nag him about it? Maybe, its because he doesn’t put that kind of stuff on facebook as trophies. Or, maybe it’s in defiance of the nagging. Or maybe he doesn’t need to have “whipped” tattooed on his forehead. Maybe he doesn’t want to give you another opportunity to nit pick his facebook account: “Why did you pick *that* picture? Why did you pick the one with that in the back ground? Why are all of my pictures of me holding a drink, passed out, or have my mouth open?”. Really, I’d find a TON of passive aggressive ways to make you regret demanding that I have *your* picture on my facebook page.

    2. If you can’t grow up, have mutual respect and trust, get out as peacefully as you can, I agree with Wendy. No one wants to live under that. If you think it’s uncomfortable now, it will be much worse when you’re parents. Since you’ll end up being the visiting parent and writing checks, that will make those trust and resentment issues just that much more special.

    3. I need to take up tattooing. Seriously seems like a good way to push weak relationships over the edge, and meet women with daddy issues. And irritate them with an entourage.

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