It’s time again for Shortcuts. For every question, I’ll give my advice in just a few sentences because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great that being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go.
My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for about a year and a half. We’ve talked about marriage and children in the future, yet he still hasn’t asked me to be his girlfriend. I’ve met his family and he’s met mine as well. I feel silly even asking this because I know how it sounds, but how do I tread lightly about telling him I need a commitment from him? I love him, but I love myself more; I can’t wait on his beck and call for ever! Please Help!! — Ready to Commit
After a year and a half, there’s no reason to “tread lightly” about what you want. Just say to him: “Hey, we’re boyfriend and girlfriend, right?” He probably already thinks you are but didn’t realize he had to officially ask you to be his girlfriend like he did back in middle school. If, however, he doesn’t think you’re his girlfriend and actually doesn’t want that, then it’s probably time to cut your losses and MOA.
My boyfriend and I have been dating for two years now. We live in different states and see each other about every two to three months. He just recently took me to meet his parents. But we have been getting into small arguments here and there and saying things out of anger to each other. He told me we should take a pause to focus on our careers. Am I wrong to think it is over? — Taking a Pause
“Let’s take a pause” sounds a lot like “let’s take a break,” which is just a passive way of saying, “Let’s break up.” Sorry. But If you aren’t sure, you should probably just ask him: “Just to be clear, are we broken up now?” And if he says yes, just think of all the fun things you can do with the time and money you won’t have to spend visiting him anymore.
I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 1 year and 4 months. The relationship started off very well and he gave me tons of attention in a way my ex never had. Then a year ago, his father died just four months into our relationship, and things have since changed between us. We argue a lot, and during the December holidays he suggested that we go on a break. I refused, suggesting that we work on our problems together instead. He agreed, and we continued with the relationship until this week when he finally decided that we go on a break. I agreed since I can’t force him to be with me whilst he fails to express his love the way I want him to express it. We haven’t discussed his father at all because I feel it is his choice to bring it up when he’s ready. I really like him and want to stick this out, but my insecurities are telling me that this break will lead to a break up or maybe he’ll find someone else. — Can’t Force Him to Love Me
As I said above, “let’s take a break” is just a passive way of telling someone you want to break up, and your boyfriend has said it now twice. He doesn’t want to be with you anymore. I doubt his father’s death has a thing to do with it. People’s feelings change. It happens. And it’s probably why he’s “failing” at expressing his love the way you want him to express it — because he doesn’t feel it anymore. Which is why he broke up with you. Twice now. Time to MOA.
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