It’s time again for Shortcuts. For every question, I’ll give my advice in just a few sentences because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great that being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go.
I recently got into a relationship with a guy who is very sweet but who doesn’t do normal boyfriend things. For example, his friends told him in front of my face that I have a big butt and he didn’t do anything. This made me feel uncomfortable, but I have not addressed it yet. Then, last week, I cheated on him with my best guy friend. (I gave him my virginity). I have been friends with him for six years, but he is a player type and I don’t think I have feelings for him. When he has sex with other girls, he uses protection and does not kiss them. When we had sexual intercourse, though, we did not use protection and he attempted to kiss me, but I kept moving and closing my lips. I am honestly confused. Please help. — Lips Closed
Break up with your new boyfriend since neither of you respects the other. (He doesn’t defend you to his jerky friends, and you cheat on him). Then get tested for STDs, and don’t have any more unprotected sex with anyone, especially “player types.”
“A Friend Groped My Wife At a New Year’s Party”
I have been with my fiancé for two and half years. I broke off the engagement a few months ago after noticing that he was on dating sites. Since then, we went to counseling for a while, but he thought it was a waste of time because, according to him, the counselor wasn’t getting anywhere. He has a tendency to just disappear for days at a time without being heard from. Then he will call or text me and tell me that he needed time to think or that he was angry and needed to cool down. I have tried to give him the benefit of the doubt because he is bipolar and maybe that is part of the issue, but the more it happens the more I want to withdraw. I feel like this is a relationship that is going nowhere, but yet I have very strong feelings for him. I would like someone else’s advice on the situation. Can you help me out? — Withdrawing
You broke up with him for a reason and that reason hasn’t changed. Your boyfriend has untreated issues, including bipolar disorder, that are keeping him from maintaining a functional and successful relationship. Not only that, but he also isn’t interested in committing to one person if he’s on dating sites while engaged to you. Strong feelings are not enough to make a relationship work, especially if your partner isn’t interested in working on the relationship (or himself). MOA.
I have been seeing my boyfriend for three months. He works two jobs, seven days a week. We’ve gone from seeing each other twice a week to seeing each other once a week to, lately, maybe just once every other week. He has never come over to my place, and I have always driven to see him, which is a half-hour drive. He has cancelled on me every time I have asked him to come over. I just found out that he chose to go out with his friends for a recent long weekend instead of being with me. He says he loves me and wants to be with me only. But I never see him, and he knows how very upset I am. He is supposed to move in with me at the end of next month, but now I am thinking twice about that. He says that he never sees his friends or his family because of his work schedule. I can’t handle being lonely, and I told him that. I told him what my mom thought about his never coming to see me and how she thinks he shouldn’t move in. He got mad at her comments and won’t let it go, even though his friends told him the same thing — that he should come to see me. I don’t know what to do. I have strong feelings for him, but should I end it? — Three Months In
It’s been THREE months?! And this guy has NEVER been to your home? And you only see him every other week? AND YOU’RE PLANNING TO MOVE IN TOGETHER IN A FEW WEEKS? Dafuq?!? No. Just, no. Back up, slow down, and, for God’s sake, quit relaying messages from YOUR MOTHER or depending on your boyfriend’s friends to defend you, and speak up for yourself, sister. If this guy isn’t giving you the time of day, MOA. If you have to twist a guy’s arm to see you, especially just three months in, then that’s a clear sign this relationship isn’t working. And you sure as shit should not share a home together, good lord.
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If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org.