It’s time again for Shortcuts. For every question, I’ll give my advice in just a few sentences, because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great, being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go.
From the forums:
Over summer vacation I met this guy and we started talking. We had a lot in common and, once vacation was over, we still continued to talk and text since we live in different states. We became friends, but before too long we both felt something more and started a long distance relationship. We we both fell head over heels for each other and then the unthinkable happened: I found out his age and can’t believe I fell in love with a sixteen-year-old! I’m twenty-four and don’t know what to do. My feelings are very strong for him and I want to stay with him. Am I wrong for that? — In Love with a Teen
Yes, he’s a child. MOA. Find someone age-appropriate who, preferably, lives in your own state. Go on a date some place where an ID may be required — like a wine bar — to weed out any teens.
I’m stuck between my current boyfriend Zach, my ex Brad, and my other ex Ty. I’m so confused about who I wanna be with. Zach is a rich boy who is super sweet but there’s no spark. Brad is a boy I dumped because I thought he was cheating on me when he wasn’t. I really liked him, the relationship was great, we had a house and he was a firefighter and he truly loved me, but then there was Ty. I was seriously in love with him and it was like the kinda country boy relationship every girl dreams of, but he suddenly broke up with me because he said he was scared to fall in love. Ty is amazing, but I just can’t forgive him for what he did. He always says he loves me, but I feel like he’s using me because he’s always texting other girls and trying to get with them too. I’m 18 and I don’t know what my heart wants and I need unbiased advice please. I’m trying to not break anybody’s heart. — Three’s a Crowd
So… Zach you have no spark with, and Ty you can’t forgive (plus, he’s always trying to get with other girls anyway). I’d tell you to stick with Brad because “the relationship was great” and you have nothing bad to say about him, but you dumped him and seem more into Ty anyway. So, I say go for Ty. If nothing else, being with someone who doesn’t give you the love you want might make you appreciate a solid guy like Brad in the future, when you’re older and more mature and better prepared for an adult relationship.
My 40th birthday is next Friday. When it’s my husband’s birthday, I always ask him what he would like to do and I meet his wishes. But for my birthday, he has decided to invite my in-laws to our home for the whole weekend and to attend a “ball” on Saturday night (the ball is a fundraiser for his high school alma mater; he is constantly attending meetings and gives $3,000-$4,000 to this high school). He is fully aware of the day of my birthday and knows that it is my 40th. Is it strange that he makes other plans suiting his needs for my birthday? — Unhappy Birthday Girl
He sounds like a jerk, but you’re the one letting him get away with behaving that way. Just because YOU are thoughtful enough to ask what he wants to do for HIS birthday obviously doesn’t mean he will return the favor. You need to speak up and say, “Hey, my birthday is next week, and it’s a milestone one and I want to do something special. With you. And, no, a fundraiser for your old high school doesn’t count.” Tell him you want Friday night to be a special night for YOU (no in-laws) and if it’s too late to make next weekend about you and your birthday, tell him you’ll accept something special the next weekend.
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If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at wendy(AT)dearwendy.com.