It’s time again for Shortcuts. For every question, I’ll give my advice in just a few sentences because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great that being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go.
He doesn’t have “a right” to know that you were a virgin any more than anyone else would. It’s none of his business. Furthermore, you slept with your sister’s ex-boyfriend! Be grateful that, given the potential drama and complication that could create, your first time was so “great.” Leave it on a high note and MOA.
You know how upset you were when you found out your ex-boyfriend had been lying to you/withholding important information? Well, now you’re doing the exact same thing to this new guy if you are pursuing some sort of relationship with him (and whether you say want a relationship now or not, if you care about him and you’re sleeping with him, you’re in a relationship). He deserves to know you’re pregnant, and you should have told him before you crossed the line from friendship to something more. You purposely have kept pregnancy a secret because you have been afraid of losing him, which is exactly the reason your ex never told you he had a fiancée. Yes, this guy may very well “back off and run the other direction,” especially since you haven’t been honest with him from the start, but doing the right thing isn’t always easy and doesn’t always yield you the result you want. Don’t be like your ex. Do the right thing, be honest. He’s going to find out eventually . . .
There’s so much WTF here, I don’t even know where to start. Have you never heard of birth control? And how in the world are you feeding two children on $780 a month? Why are you letting your boyfriend stop you from getting a job? What does it even mean that your boyfriend “tells you about other men” any time you talk about getting a job? Like, really, what the fuck does that mean? And, yes, you’re making a mistake “believing that things will be ok.” How would they be ok? They’re not ok NOW. How will having a third child to care for and feed make things any more ok? Maybe give #3 up for adoption and get a job already. Also: birth control!!!!
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org.