It’s time again for Shortcuts. For every question, I’ll give my advice in just a few sentences because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great that being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go.
My girl and I have been together for three years, and over the last 11 or so months there have been zero physical relations. I’ve tried romance, waiting, and begging, and I have even resorted to doing it alone. She’s worried because she doesn’t feel like it and any thought of physical contact is making her ill. She tells me that it’s not “me,” but I can’t help but worry. The other night I was “in the mood” and decided to touch her while she slept. I had tried this before, but she stirred and I stopped. After I touched her for a while, she turned away from me, leaving me to have to leave the room and help myself. We never talked the morning after that. I think she feels violated, but I just wanna try things to see if I can’t help her get past this loathing of contact with me. — Helping Myself
Your girlfriend feels violated by you because she WAS violated by you. (That you “stopped” when she “stirred” indicates that you weren’t actually trying to get her in the mood — you were trying to use her body while she was unconscious, which is despicable). This is a toxic, unhealthy relationship that is unsatisfying and frustrating for you both and it hasn’t even been one year. Cut your losses and move on.
It’s been a year since I broke it off with the father of my 2-year-old daughter. What gets to me nowadays are his obnoxious whatsapp status and profile pictures, gloating about his new love. What’s even worse is that, even if I wanted to ignore them, I can’t because we use whatsapp to communicate about our daughter. What pisses me off is that he never gloated about our relationship while we were dating. Why is my ex making his love life public on whatsapp? It’s so obnoxious, and it makes me angry and hurt because he never did that while we were dating. — Not Into Gloating
Block your ex on whatsapp and find a private way to communicate with him about your daughter like, oh I don’t know, talking to each other on the phone.
About a year and a half ago I made a joke about my old-fashioned grandmother not letting me wear heels because I looked like a whore. My fiancé’s brother’s fiancée took that to mean I was calling her a whore even though I also wear high heels. I have apologized for any hurt I may have caused. Now they are having a big wedding and reception (400 people) and are inviting my fiancé to the actual ceremony without me and then inviting both of us to the reception. I think this is incredibly rude. Would it be in bad taste for us to decline? — High heeled Drama
Yes, and beyond that it would be setting a (bad) tone for the rest of your married life as part of this extended family. It was incredibly rude for you to be excluded from the wedding, but you were invited to the reception and that’s something at least. Be the bigger person and go and play nice. And when it’s your time to send out invites to your wedding, be gracious and include both your BIL-to-be AND his high-heeled wife.
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If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at email@example.com.