It’s time again for Shortcuts. For every question, I’ll give my advice in just a few sentences because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great that being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go.
I met a man two years ago through work. He’s always had my best interests at heart and done whatever needs to be done no matter the cost. He never wants to let me down even if it means putting me before his family (he’s married, but his wife never comes to any work functions). I confessed my feelings for him and he said that he was glad that I told him and, if he wasn’t married, that he might have asked me for a chance, but he says he’s happily married. I told him that I would understand if he no longer wants to work with me, but he’s still with me. We have an outing this weekend and he offered to pick me up. He paid for the event. Does he love me? Is he truly happily married? — Falling for a Married Man
No, he doesn’t love you. He loves his wife, and you are fooling yourself if you have any fantasies of his ever leaving her for you. If anything, he might be attracted to you and flattered by your interest. If tempted enough, he might even sleep with you, but that doesn’t mean he loves you and it doesn’t mean he has any intention of being with you. Stop playing with fire and keep your relationship strictly professional, or you’ll put your heart AND your career at risk.
I’ve been dating my girlfriend for close to eight months now, and I love her dearly. She is now 17 weeks pregnant. My mom absolutely despised her from the get-go even though she’s never even personally met her. I am 25, and she is 32 and has a 10-year-old son. My mom hates that as well. Because she doesn’t want my mom and me to have a bad relationship, my girlfriend is thinking about letting me go to keep my mom happy with me. I don’t want that. We both love each other so very much, and we had planned on getting married eventually and raising a family. How do I reassure her of my love for her so she doesn’t give in and let my mother run her off? Any advice will be greatly appreciated! — Baby Daddy To Be
Well, for one thing, you could STOP telling her that your mom has a problem with her. (I’m assuming you must be telling her since she’s never actually met you mother and I’m not sure how else she would know about your mother’s feelings towards her). You might also consider that, if your mother, a woman your girlfriend has never met, runs her off, then maybe there were other cracks in your relationship that helped push her away. Consider what those cracks might be and address them ASAP. Also, man up and stop being such a Mama’s Boy. You’re about to become a father. Focus on preparing for a baby instead of worrying about your mother and her opinion of your relationship.
I recently met this guy who is a bit younger then I am. We’ve hung out a few times and ended up having sex. He has been going through some financial issues lately, so I offered to let him stay with me so he could save some money while also helping me with my bills as he would have to pay half the rent. He said yes but also said that he didn’t want to blur the lines of our friendship as he is not looking for anything serious. He sleeps in his own room, but lately he has been wanting me to go and do more things with him and he texts me every day to say hi when I’m at work. In all honesty, I have very strong feelings for him, and I have told him that I really like him a lot but know we could never be more then just friends. I think about him all the time and am feeling jealous when he leaves to go hang out with his other friends. I feel like I’m getting mixed signals from him. He’s never said he liked me other then just a friend. — More Than a Friend?
Um, you blurred the line of friendship when you had sex with him and invited him to move in with you without expressing your feelings for him. Tell him immediately how you’re feeling and ask him to move out so that you can either create stronger boundaries in your friendship or explore a potential relationship without the complication of living under the same roof.
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If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org.