It’s time again for Shortcuts. For every question, I’ll give my advice in just a few sentences because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great that being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go.
My new boyfriend and I decided to get an apartment together. He has a one-year-old daughter with his ex. His ex is okay with me being around the baby and he kind of is, but he won’t let me pick her up or anything of that sort. We move in together in two weeks, and I feel like I’m not allowed to have a relationship with his child. For example, he was in the shower and she woke up crying, so I got her up and sat her on the bed with me, and I think he got mad because, when he went back to the bathroom post-shower to “do his business,” he took her with him. — About to Move In
Do not move in with someone who has a child whom you are not allowed to touch. That’s insane. In fact, don’t ever move in with a “new boyfriend,” period. Don’t move in with anyone until you do these things. And also until you’re allowed to hold the child of the person you’re going to co-habitate with, sheesh.
Recently, my boyfriend of two years asked me to take my diet seriously because he said he feels like I’m eating too much sweet stuff. He also told me to add more regular exercise to my routine. (My weight is 160 pounds and I’m 5’7”. I’m an on-and-off gym girl, and I’m in my third year of medical school.) I gave up my habit of sweet items even though I LOVE eating sweet dessert items, I started going to the gym every morning at 5:30 a.m., and I run in the evenings. When I come home, I’m dying to eat something, but he won’t allow me, saying I’m throwing away all my effort. So basically, I have one meal per day (lunch) and I have a coffee in the morning before my 8 a.m. lecture. Being a medical student, I know how dangerous this is for my body, as my body doesn’t get time to rest or to relax, but I still feel like I need to do more for him to make him love me. Is this supposed to be like this? I’ve heard relationships take work sacrifices, so am I just complaining for no reason?
P.S. I love him a lot! Even before we started dating, I had a crush on him for four years. — Weighted Down
Someone who loves you wouldn’t ask you to starve yourself and exercise yourself crazy. Your weight is normal. Your boyfriend’s a dipshit asshole. You’d lose a whole lotta weight really fast if you dropped him and moved on.
I have been dating my boyfriend now for six years. Two days ago he disrespected me by calling me some dirty names. He refuses to call his ex-wife the names he’s called me. I told him we are done until he calls her the names. And he will NOT. I told him to go back to his ex since she can be respected and I can’t. What’s your advice? — Dirty Name
I think it’s really weird that you’re encouraging your boyfriend to call another woman dirty names. I would think his calling YOU dirty names should be enough for you to move on. That you are so threatened by this other woman is a nail in the coffin. MOA.
I am 20 years old and I have a boyfriend of going on four years. My problem is I want us to get our own place, but he won’t move our of his parents’ home. He makes plenty enough money. I work in a retail store and I make okay money but not enough for me to move out on my own. I have two more years of college left. We could definitely pay all the bills if we moved in together. I really wouldn’t care to wait till I got out of college, but our parents won’t let us have privacy. We have to sit on our couches to hang out with each other. I feel like I’m still in middle school. To have sex, we have to wait for his parents to go to bed and do it in the back seat of my car. It’s been like this for four years. It’s really annoying. What should I do? — Tired of Car Sex
Get a roommate to share bills with. Your boyfriend can come to your apartment to hang out and have sex. And when you break up in a year or so like most couples who started dating as teenagers do, it won’t be as complicated because you won’t share an address. Trust me on this! See also: 15 Things Couples Should Do Before Moving in Together.
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If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org.