It’s time again for Shortcuts. For every question, I’ll give my advice in just a few sentences because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great that being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go.
My boyfriend of five years is a boat mechanic and a captain of boats as his own business. I found out five months that he has his ex-girlfriend working for him running parts and helping him move boats to and from other marinas all over. So she has quite the closeness going on with him. Also, she lives right around the block from him. She also hangs at the bar every night right down the street. How convenient. I’m not happy at all. He states there is nothing going on. And she makes his business a lot of money. They text and talk behind my back. He is very sneaky with his phone — it never leaves his side. I don’t trust either of them. And I hate him for this. What do I do? He will not talk to me about her. He gets too defensive. — Not Happy At All
You don’t trust him and you say you hate him. Honey, it’s time to captain your own boat here and in the words of Enya, sail away, sail away, sail away.
I have been sexting this guy I went to school with twenty years ago. Apparently we both used to have crushes on each other. Or so he says. I am really into him and have told him so. He says I’m hot. But after we had that good conversation, we didn’t talk for a couple days. He is in AZ and he says he is coming to visit me in a couple months, but I’m not sure if I believe this. What’s your input? Does he like me? He says he wants a job were I live. — Looking for Answers
So, you predominantly sext, and, when you confessed that you were into him, his response was not to tell you he was into you but to tell you you were “hot” (different, even, from “beautiful” or “lovely” or some other adjective that might suggest he appreciates anything other than your looks), and after that great conversation you haven’t heard from him again? My crystal ball says he’s probably just thinking about sex and is casting a wide net job-wise while lining up sex contacts wherever he thinks he is most likely to find work (or even just spend a few days interviewing for work). But, you know, my crystal ball has been known to be wrong on occasion.
I am engaged to a 35-year-old male. This would be a second marriage for us both. We both have kids. Both of our marriages ended badly. We have been best friends for about five years. Last night he told me that he likes to take “creeper pics” of random girls — like in yoga pants or with big boobs. He says sometimes he just deletes them or uses them to jerk off to and then deletes them. I feel it’s kinda creepy. He says it’s not like it’s a compulsion. I just don’t know what to think. He says he loves me and has no desire to cheat. He had a bad marriage and every reason to cheat and never did. I believe him about that but is this just too creepy? The reason I even question is because… well, my secret sexual fantasy would be to dress all hot and have guys want to take creeper pics of me, so how can I judge him? But, yet, I just don’t know. Help. — Into Creeper Pic Fantasy
Well, you might not feel like you can judge the guy, but I can: he is a CREEP. Big time creep. He is violating women, taking intimate photos of them without their knowledge or consent. This isn’t the kind of guy you want around your kids. Or yourself. And there’s a huge difference between fantasizing about something and engaging in it in reality. You can — and SHOULD — judge the hell out of your boyfriend. And then you should dump his ass because, creep. This is not good husband or stepfather material here.
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If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org.