It’s time again for Shortcuts. For every question, I’ll give my advice in just a few sentences, because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great, being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go.
My boyfriend used to cheat on his previous girlfriends. He told me he has been with multiple girls at once — sometimes three a night (I know that’s terrible). But, we have known each other ever since I was 16, and since we started dating a year ago it’s been great. I haven’t found any messages or calls from other women and he always comes home to me every night. We got engaged two months ago, and he promised me on his dead grandpa that he does not want to be the man he was in his past and he does not cheat anymore. He says that I’ve changed him in a good way and he wouldn’t do anything to lose me. But he recently asked me if he could go out of town to work in Texas for 14 days and I don’t trust the men he is going with because I know for a fact that they cheat on their wives/girlfriends. Should I let him go? Can I trust him? — Scared to Let Him Go
I think that if you’re concerned about your boyfriend going on a business trip because you’re afraid he’s going to cheat on you, you probably shouldn’t be marrying the guy. Let him go… in more ways than one.
I just found out that my husband has been searching Craigslist personal ads. The worst part of all is that I found more m4m ads than anything else. We talked about everything I found and he swears he’s not bisexual or gay but that we have been fighting a lot and so he has thought about being with men. How can he say he’s not into guys? He told me like all the men from your other post “he will never do it again” and that he wants to be with me. I am sitting here dumbfounded. Should I leave the marriage and let him find himself? To be honest, I don’t think I could ever look at him the same again. — Dumbfounded
There are serious issues at play both in your relationship and in your husband himself if he’s cruising Craigslist in search for something he has either lost or never had. Whether you two can overcome these issues and salvage your marriage is something best determined in therapy.
I cheated on my boyfriend of over a year, with my ex boyfriend. Should I tell my current boyfriend? Or is it fate my ex walked back into my life? We text, but as friends, and it’s like my feelings for him went away but then gradually came back the more we talked. I love my boyfriend to death and he lives with me, but he doesn’t give me the attention I need, or treat me like I’m his number one, unlike my ex, who does. What should I do? — Back to Ex
Start finding validation in something other than a guy. In the meantime, break up with your boyfriend. You obviously aren’t committed to him and have no intention of ceasing all communication with your ex, which is what you’d need to do for your current relationship to have a fighting chance.
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If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at wendy(AT)dearwendy.com.