It’s time again for Shortcuts. For every question, I’ll give my advice in just a few sentences because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great that being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go.
I guess you should feel relieved you don’t have to go to a wedding for someone you’ve had so much conflict with.
If you’re so threatened by a dead woman that you don’t think her kids should have photos of her up on the wall, and you resent that your boyfriend’s adult children still live with him, maybe your cohabiting isn’t the right step in your relationship right now.
You have been broken up with your ex for eight years. Neither you nor this other woman are romantically involved with him, but you are both mothers of his children. Essentially, you are both extended family members of his family, and as such, if he’s going to invite to a family gathering one woman with whom he has a child but with whom he is no longer romantically involved, it doesn’t strike me as odd that he would invite another woman with whom he also shares a child but isn’t romantically involved with. I can understand how you may resent this woman who slept with your man while you were still together, and why you wouldn’t want to spend a holiday with her, but I think being “freaking mad” that you were both invited to a family gathering as mothers of half-siblings, eight years after your breakup, is perhaps misdirected energy. Skip the gathering, sure – but what you’re really mad about is being chronically cheated on through your entire relationship and now being tasked with watching a child who isn’t yours when your ex is supposed to. Your ex was never the man you wanted him to be and he never will be. His inviting both baby mamas to a family gathering is hardly the thing worth being mad about though.
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org.