It’s time again for Shortcuts. For every question, I’ll give my advice in just a few sentences, because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great, being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go.
I have been with my boyfriend for over a year now, and last night we had a petty argument that turned into a conversation about his insecurities. I let him know that I would never cheat on him, and he said, “Well, the love of my life did” (meaning his ex girlfriend). I asked him to repeat himself, and he said the exact same thing. It was when I remained silent that he realized he probably shouldn’t have said that. He has told me that he doesn’t care about his ex anymore, but I still can’t help but wonder why he blurted that out! Am I over-thinking things?! It’s the most hurtful thing I have heard. Does he still love his ex?! — Not The Love of His Life
I don’t know if he still loves his ex, but it sounds like he probably doesn’t love you as much as he once loved her (hence, the whole “love of my life” thing). Sorry. It doesn’t mean his love for you won’t grow though, but you should consider this a red flag and proceed cautiously. (Also, needing to reassure him that you won’t cheat on him is red flag #2).
I am a 27-year-old who’s “dating” a 32-year-old. I started talking to him 2-3 years ago on Facebook. I finally saw him for the first time this past October. He only lives 20 minutes away, but he was always in and out of relationships. After I saw him, it was all sparks! We had a really great time. I couldn’t stop thinking about him, and he felt the same way. Now, this is the part that I’m confused about: I didn’t see him for three months after we finally met face-to-face. I recently saw him again a few weeks ago–but not since then. I keep asking him when I’m going to see him, and he says, “I’ll make time for you, baby, I’ve been busy.” We text on a daily basis and he has said “I love you” to me (I was shocked), but it’s all talk and no action. It’s too much for me with all these mind games. Please help me! — Tired of Mind Games
You are not dating — or even “dating” — this man. The fact that he lives just 20 minutes away and has only bothered to see you two times in three years speaks volumes. I mean, there are bartenders in other cities I visit more often than that. The guy has zero intention of ever making you a girlfriend — probably because he already has a few and maybe a wife, too. Regardless the reason, he’s not interested in you that way. MOA.
I have been with my high school sweetheart for eight years. He’s great and I love him so much, but he has never been able to please me in bed. We were each other’s firsts, so, while initially it seemed okay, after a while it got to be frustrating. I talk to him about it and he just says “sorry” and that’s it. I know I will spend the rest of my life with him, but the sex has to get better than this. What do I do? — Frustrated lover
Start communicating what it is that WILL please you. (Do you even know? If not, figure it out!) Show him yourself. Ask him to do what you do. Tell him it’s time to make your satisfaction a priority. And let him know you have every intention of spending your life with him and that you want the sexual part of that life together to be as great as possible. But, honestly, if he keeps saying “sorry” and shows no initiative, interest, or desire to please you, no matter how much you ask him to, you might want to consider that whole “forever” thing. People who are selfish in bed don’t usually make great life partners.
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