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It’s time again for Shortcuts. For every question, I’ll give my advice in just a few sentences, because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great, being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go.
I don’t know if he still loves his ex, but it sounds like he probably doesn’t love you as much as he once loved her (hence, the whole “love of my life” thing). Sorry. It doesn’t mean his love for you won’t grow though, but you should consider this a red flag and proceed cautiously. (Also, needing to reassure him that you won’t cheat on him is red flag #2).
You are not dating — or even “dating” — this man. The fact that he lives just 20 minutes away and has only bothered to see you two times in three years speaks volumes. I mean, there are bartenders in other cities I visit more often than that. The guy has zero intention of ever making you a girlfriend — probably because he already has a few and maybe a wife, too. Regardless the reason, he’s not interested in you that way. MOA.
Start communicating what it is that WILL please you. (Do you even know? If not, figure it out!) Show him yourself. Ask him to do what you do. Tell him it’s time to make your satisfaction a priority. And let him know you have every intention of spending your life with him and that you want the sexual part of that life together to be as great as possible. But, honestly, if he keeps saying “sorry” and shows no initiative, interest, or desire to please you, no matter how much you ask him to, you might want to consider that whole “forever” thing. People who are selfish in bed don’t usually make great life partners.
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