It’s time again for Shortcuts. For every question, I’ll give my advice in just a few sentences because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great that being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go.
My ex-boyfriend whom I broke up with two years ago is calling me! (I broke up with him because it was a long-distance relationship and I couldn’t do it anymore). The thing is, I still have feelings for him and he still has feelings for me, but he has a girlfriend. He called me the other day out of nowhere to ask how I was doing. He told me that he is always thinking about me, even with his girlfriend he is thinking about me; he even said “I still love you” to me. He asked me if I still had feelings for him, but I didn’t answer because he has a girlfriend. He has been calling me a lot lately and I have been ignoring him — not because I don’t want to talk to him but because I feel horrible for his girlfriend and I don’t want to cause any problems between them. Please help me! What should I do? — Still Has Feelings
Are you still long-distance? If so, it seems like if that was a problem before, it would be a problem again. And then, why create drama when there’s not much hope for a relationship anyway? But if circumstances have changed and you think there’s potential for something between you, I wouldn’t let the girlfriend stop you from sharing your feelings if he’s asking. I would tell your ex that you do still have feelings for him but you would never pursue something with someone who was in a relationship. The ball will then be in his court. If he doesn’t break up with his girlfriend, you know where you stand and you should probably stop taking his calls.
My boyfriend dumped me for another woman, because we were long-distance and it was too hard on him. I agreed that it was hard, but I begged him to stay and he didn’t listen. After a month, he started to text me that he missed me and he wanted to have sex with me. He is engaged now, but he keeps asking to have sex with me. It has been a year now since he decided to call it quits. Part of me wants to do it and part of me doesn’t. What should I do? — Still Misses Him
He’s engaged to someone else and he wants to have sex with you? All you would be is “the other woman.” He’s not even pretending that he wants you back and that he’d break up with his fiancé for you. He just wants to screw. Have some self-respect and MOA.
I was with a guy for ten years and I broke it off six years ago. He drank heavily and was very abusive. During the six years since we broke up, I never saw him even though he only lives down the road. He started ringing me about 14 months ago. I stupidly answered the call, and he asked to see me and said he wanted me back. I did meet him on a few occasions, but he still was abusive, putting me down all the time. I never answered his calls after that. He’s still calling me every Friday, Saturday, and Sunday nights when he is drunk, but I don’t answer. He leaves messages to ring him, but I don’t. Last night, I did answer his call only to be asked why didn’t I attend a funeral and to be told I was out of order for not going. He likes to mess with my head and, for that reason, I have asked him today–again–to delete my number. Why does he still call? — Ex On Call
Because he likes trying to get a reaction out of you. Continue ignoring him and he will hopefully get bored and stop. In the meantime, you should also contact your local police and report him for harassment. You’ll want a record of how long and how often these calls have gone on in case you need to press charges against him in the future. Good luck.
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If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org.