It’s time again for Shortcuts. For every question, I’ll give my advice in just a few sentences, because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great, being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go.
My ex-boyfriend and I broke up about two years ago (we were together for four years), but we still hook up (sex) once a month. He has a girlfriend. We broke up because he said he couldn’t trust me, even though he cheated on me and I forgave him and now he’s cheating on his current girlfriend with me, go figure. I was a complete mess when we broke up and it took me a while to let go. So around March of this year, when we started to hook up again, at first I did it because deep down I wanted his girlfriend to find out and break up with him, so he could feel as hurt as I did when he broke up with me. But I think I still love him, and it’s been really difficult for me too start a new relationship with anybody because of my feelings for my ex. Should I tell him how I feel, even though I know he will reject me? It’s just been so hard to move on. — Can’t MOA
Look, if you really wanted to move on from your ex-boyfriend, you wouldn’t be hooking up with him. Admit that you don’t want to move on, tell him how you feel, get hurt again when he either rejects you or cheats on you, and THEN maybe you’ll be ready to move on. Or just skip ahead to the part where you stop sleeping with him and tell him to fuck off.
My husband of eight years is OBSESSED with looking at women online, whether it be via porn, surfing the web, or apps he has downloaded to his phone. In the past he had been looking at a website that list escorts, explicit pics of women and easy access to their contact info. When confronted, naturally he denied ever making any contact and stated they are “just pics.” I told him I found this completely disrespectful, and that it had to stop. About a year ago, I found he had moved on from that site to searching Craigslist personal ads for women seeking men. Another red flag. Once again I was told the same story — “they are just pics.” Well, that answer is not good enough for me. I have had his two kids and managed to maintain my size 3 over the years while he has let himself go in the comfort zone, and now he has apps on his phone that are overloaded with pics of naked women? I feel like it’s time to move on as I can no longer compete with his obsession, nor can I continue my life as this angry insecure person. Thoughts please!!! — Over It
You can read some of my thoughts on this very issue here, here, here, and here. If you haven’t tried couples therapy, do that, and if he refuses or you find it doesn’t solve anything, MOA.
My boyfriend and I had just got back together. We had been fighting all the time, and I mean all the time, so I left town for a couple months. When I came back, I stayed with a friend and then hooked up with my ex who then begged me to move back in with him, so I did. Now we fight all the time again and he tells me to leave knowing that I have nowhere to go. So the other night after he told me to leave, I went to a girlfriend’s place, called up a guy who I know and went to spend a couple nights with him. Should I tell my boyfriend? — Bouncing Around
No, consider yourself broken up since he kicked you out after nonstop fighting. Get your own apartment already and quit crashing with guys you’re sleeping with. Life will be much easier when you aren’t dependent on a guy for a roof over your head.
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