It’s time again for Shortcuts. For every question, I’ll give my advice in just a few sentences, because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great, being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go.
My boyfriend of nine months and I broke up last May. He was already dating someone else two weeks later. Six months after the break up, I started dating as well. Ten months have passed and this guy keeps texting me, wanting to “chat,” and he has even showed up at my door uninvited a couple of times. I love the guy I am with now, and I have told the ex not to contact me anymore. But, he won’t stop! What should I do? What does he want? He is still dating the girl he met after we broke up. — Stalked by Ex
Send him an email — it’s important you say this in writing and save it — and tell him that you do not want him calling you or coming to your home or in any way stalking you and, if he continues to do so against your wishes, you will be going to the police. And then do just that.
The man I am currently seeing is 41, and I’m only 21. I met this guy in 2006. When I first met him, I thought he was the sexiest man ever. He’s very handsome and very well-educated, but kind of to himself. Recently, I was in an abusive relationship (about two months ago) and he was there to save me. I left my home to avoid any memories of my past and started staying with the current guy I’m seeing. Since my fall-out with my ex, I’ve been here taking care of him when he wasn’t employed, i.e., making dinner, taking care of his dogs and basically catering to him. I’ve told him how I felt about him, and he said that the feeling was mutual, that he feels like we have something long-term, and that he wanted to talk about it when I came home from work one day. Now comes the time to talk and three times he denied me that talk. The first two times were understandable because he had no job and was stressed out. Now he has a job and is making money, all his bills are paid, and we still haven’t talked. I also feel as though our relationship (or whatever we have) is a taboo subject. No matter how much I try to talk to him I get stuck and I don’t know what to say or what conversations to have with a 41-year-old man. He opens up more to his friends (women) than he does me. When I ask him about his day, I get short answers, but when he tells his friends, they get all the details and yuck it up. They make him laugh, and I feel like I can’t do the same because of this barrier he’s put up. I feel like I’m just playing house, and I don’t want to feel like that. So what do you think I should do? — Half His Age
You met in 2006 when you were 14 and he was 34? MOA immediately, as in yesterday. This “relationship” is wrong on so many levels and you need to get out, get help, and move on with your life.
I have been dating a guy for two months. We met on a chat line months ago, but about two months ago we exchanged numbers and decided to meet in person. We have so much in common and we get along great. He had already broken up with his girlfriend before we started talking, but it turns out she was pregnant and he never knew until a week ago when she gave birth. I couldn’t believe he didn’t know! He said she is overweight, so she didn’t show. I just don’t know what to do. He says he doesn’t want to be with her but he is going to be responsible. I have two kids of my own, and they have different dads. He accepts that I have kids, so I want to accept him too. He is really a sweet guy, and we have a great time together. What do you think I should do? — Dating a Surprised Dad
You are a mother of two and can’t risk getting involved with someone who shows so many red flags. You say you met on a chat line months ago, presumably before he broke up with his girlfriend, which begs the question: what was he doing on a “chat line” when he was in a relationship? And what kind of boyfriend must he have been if his girlfriend didn’t even tell him she was pregnant? MOA.
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