It’s time again for Shortcuts. For every question, I’ll give my advice in just a few sentences, because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great, being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go.
My girlfriend was with me in the car and she saw a young black man walking down the street and she turned around in her seat to watch him, to the point of being rude. We were at the market and I was buying her groceries and a black man was ahead of us in line. She rushed to get ahead of me and just glared at him. Another time she asked me to take her to a bar to go dancing. A black man walked close to her and out-stretched his hand right next to hers, waiting for her to touch it. She was in front of me so I couldn’t see if she was giving him eye contact, but there was a reason he moved in close to her. I recently dumped her because of these feelings I had about that. What is your take on this? — Not a Black Man
That she is lucky to be free of you.
I’m a 25-year-old girl and have been seeing a 27-year-old guy for almost three months now. I really like him a lot and every time I’m with him I feel happy, but the day after I feel down and wonder if he cares at all about me. He doesn’t have time for us because he is always working, and sometimes we don’t text each other for 2-3 days. He does not call me and we don’t talk that much. I miss him so much I cry almost every night. I tell him that I miss him, and he just says “I miss u too.” I understand he is a busy man, but now I feel like giving up! He is the only thing I think about everyday. Should I forget it or should I be patient and see how things go? — Crying All Night
If after three months, you’re so obsessed with this guy that he’s all you think about and you cry almost every night because it’s been 2-3 days since you heard from him, I strongly suggest you get a life. Find some hobbies, make some friends, find anything else to think about besides him. No decent guy will want to get serious with someone who has absolutely nothing else going on in her life and screams “desperate” from a mile away.
I just got out of a bad relationship. He would say he loved me and was attracted to me, but that I drive him crazy and he couldn’t read me. He would always accuse me of talking to other men. He would start fights with me over stupid shit and leave me so confused and hurt. He started to be aggressive and emotionally abusive. I feel he was intimidated by me and insecure. Is that why he was acting the way he was? I never gave him a reason not to trust me. He knew I am an independent, strong, attractive woman. I’m what you call a “seductress” and I feel he couldn’t handle the type of woman I am. Am I right? — Seductress
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If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at [email protected].