Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Shortcuts: “My Husband Has Been Married Six Times”

It’s time again for Shortcuts. For every question, I’ll give my advice in just a few sentences because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great that being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go.

>My husband has been married six times and he has children by two of his exes. He has pictures of two of his ex-wives in our closet. Should I be concerned about that? — Number Six


About the pictures? Of course not. But I’d certainly be concerned that your husband had five shots at marriage before yours and apparently couldn’t make them work. Would you feel safe driving a car that had been in five accidents? Wouldn’t the accident rate worry you a lot more than some memorabilia in the trunk? It should.

Suddenly, my boyfriend hardly talks to me, we’ve stopped going out, and we haven’t been intimate in two months, so I’m wondering if he has someone else. He always seems too busy with everything else — like work and friends — to spend time with me. Two weeks ago he went to the movies with a female friend. He hasn’t been answering my messages, but when I call, he answers, and when I ask him what’s going on, he gives me a solid or justifiable reason. Should I move on or stay? I’m unsure if we are even still together due to the way he is behaving. Please help. — Still His Girl

 
If someone is ignoring you so much that you don’t even know if you’re still dating, the answer is always: you’re not, and you should move on.

P.S. Yes, he’s seeing someone else.

I’m in a long-distance relationship with my boyfriend of two months. He is asking me to send nude photos since he sent me some of him. I am uncomfortable doing it and I’ve told him that before, but he thinks it’s because I don’t trust him. Should I send them to him? By the way, we have never met in person. — Uncomfortable with Nude Selfies

 
No, you should never do something you’re uncomfortable doing, especially sexual in nature. And if this guy, whom you’ve never even met, is pressuring you to do so, that is a clear sign that he is not someone you should be interacting with. Also, if you haven’t met in person, he’s not your boyfriend.

I have a friend who posted a picture on social media without permission that I wasn’t happy with (it was an embarrassing picture of me on my birthday). I told her to delete it right away and, even though she was on the app, she decided to wait for a good 10 minutes before she replied and deleted it. What should I do? Should I still be her friend? — Embarrassed

 
If you are thinking of ending a friendship over a photo posted on social media that it took your friend ten whole minutes to delete after you asked her to, then perhaps you were not very close to begin with and it’s no love lost for either of you to move on already.

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Follow along on Facebook and Instagram.

If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at [email protected].

13 comments… add one
  • avatar

    LisforLeslie March 29, 2019, 8:44 am

    WWS on all of these.
    #1 – Betting on the underdog at the SuperBowl is one thing. Betting on the team that came in last in the entire league is what you’re considering.
    #2 – He’s too much of a coward to break up with you. Don’t expect closure unless you tell him it’s over and block him.
    #3 – Online relationships have to move into IRL to be real. Once you send a nude, you no longer control it. Don’t let anyone force you to do something you’re uncomfortable with. If he loved you, he would not make you uncomfortable. You trusting him and him making you uncomfortable are not equivalent. He’s saying his needs are more important than your comfort and self protection.
    #4 – WTF? Seriously, you’d end a friendship over a 10 minute delay between request and action? Are you one of those people who expect an immediate response to an email and sends follow up emails with passive aggressive language like “Well I suppose email isn’t the best way to get in touch with you, I guess I’ll kill myself since you can’t answer whether or not you think the brown sofa is a better option than the mauve sofa.” ? Is that who you are?

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  • TaraMonster

    TaraMonster March 29, 2019, 9:29 am

    “If you haven’t met in person, he’s not your boyfriend.”

    Idea: A GoFundMe to place 5 million billboards that say this in giant letters all over the world.

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  • avatar

    Essie March 29, 2019, 9:41 am

    @TaraMonster, I am in. I am so in.

    LW2: You’re not in a relationship. He is not your boyfriend. He is a creep that is trying to sweet-talk you (and probably about two dozen other women) into sending nude photos that he will upload to some site for other creeps to masturbate to. Block this jerk, today.

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  • avatar

    ron March 29, 2019, 10:00 am

    LW #2 —
    It amazes me how many women have written in recently about LDR relationships with guys they’ve never met in person. Have you at least used Skype, or similar software, to be able to see who he is as you talk to him? That way you would at least know that the nudes he sent you were of him. Btw, unless you BEGGED or DEMANDED that he send you nudes of himself, which I doubt you did, you have absolutely no obligation to reciprocate. Even then, it would be a stupid thing to do. He’s acting like an ass, so dump his.

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    • Lucidity

      Lucidity March 29, 2019, 3:24 pm

      I want all these women to watch every episode of Catfish. And to never send nudes, ever.

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  • avatar

    Allornone March 29, 2019, 10:01 am

    the most direct answers I have for these ladies:

    1. That’s not what you should be concerned about.
    2. He’s seeing someone else. Break up.
    3. He’s a creep. MOA
    4. Seriously?

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  • avatar

    Sarah March 29, 2019, 12:17 pm

    LW1: Maybe you should have asked questions before becoming wife number 6…also please warn future wife number 7 about this guy. This isn’t going to last.

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    • Guy Friday

      Guy Friday March 29, 2019, 12:51 pm

      I mean, seriously though. How quickly did they get married after meeting/living together that this wasn’t an issue BEFORE they got married? I find it hard to believe he waited until you said “I do” and THEN put the pictures up (and in a closet?)

      Also, this letter makes me wonder what they mean by “husband.” I get that we’re all assuming “legally married six times and divorced five,” but I’ve seen a lot of people throwing around the term “husband/wife” to describe what most of us would call “boyfriend/girlfriend” (and, no, I’m not kidding) that it makes me wonder if we’re actually talking six MARRIAGES or six RELATIONSHIPS. Because if it’s the latter, the pictures are still possibly a stumbling block, but then the rest isn’t.

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  • avatar

    Prognosti-gator March 29, 2019, 1:15 pm

    LW1 – Unless your guy is a vampire that has been forging relationships with us short-lived mortals as a way to find some semblance of belonging over the last few hundreds of years, six marriages is a problem.

    LW2 – Unless your guy is a spy, who keep an extremely secretive lifestyle while meeting up clandestinely with others so that he can save the world, his behavior is a problem.

    LW4 – Unless you and your friend are both mayflies, racing through an entire lifetime in only 24 hours, 10 minutes pretty much IS “right away.”

    LW3 – Unless your nude-requesting remote “boyfriend” is … unless he is … Yeah, there’s just no way around this one. He’s a jerk.

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    • avatar

      AttackKitten March 30, 2019, 10:53 am

      Maybe he’s the king of England and he’s keeping pictures of the two wives he had beheaded. If she hangs in there he’ll die, she can marry the man she originally wanted to marry before the king noticed her, but then the king’s second daughter will come live with them and be caught in a tryst with the new husband and have to be put out of the house and removed to a different castle to wait out her brother and sister dying so she can become queen. I don’t know, I’m just spitballing here.

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  • avatar

    dinoceros March 29, 2019, 4:46 pm

    LW1: Surely you have been at least a little concerned by the fact that your husband has been married that many times, right? Or did he tell you all his exes were crazy?

    LW2: Why would you keep dating someone who shows so little interest in you that you are not even sure you’re dating anymore? I think he’s already moved on, with or without someone.

    LW3: No, and he’s not your boyfriend if you’ve never met in person.

    LW4: How old are you? 10 minutes isn’t unreasonable. You might need to get a new friend simply because she might get tired of your attitude…

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  • avatar

    Emily March 29, 2019, 5:24 pm

    Henry VIII is really not a good choice of spouse.

    I’m sure your husband didn’t actually execute several of his previous wives (if he did, you’ve seriously buried the lede!) but seriously, if he couldn’t manage a marriage any of the first five times, he’s not more likely to manage it now.

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    • avatar

      AttackKitten March 30, 2019, 10:55 am

      Hahaha! I just posted the same thing to another comment. I assumed the pictures of the two wives were Anne and Katherine that he had beheaded, those darn Howard girls!

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