It’s time again for Shortcuts. For every question, I’ll give my advice in just a few sentences because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great that being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go.
A few things to try: give him suggestions for alternative places he can smoke that won’t put your job and your housing situation at risk; remind him again how important it is that you keep both your job and your apartment; tell him that, if you lose your job or you get evicted, he will be responsible for paying ALL of your bills and finding you a new place to live; buy him a vaporizer (which is supposed to dramatically cut down on the smell) and/or suggest he eat his pot instead of smoking it (in the form of brownies, candy, etc.); suggest he quit weed completely and find a new form of recreation.
Your husband is right on this one. If you’re going to go with siblings as Godparents and you each have one sibling, then it’s fair that for the firstborn (especially since there’s never a guarantee you’ll have another baby), each sibling be given the honor of Godparent. You could also assign more than one Godmother or Godfather to your child. Or you could, you know, let your siblings have the honorable title of Aunt and Uncle and save the Godparent roles for people the baby won’t already be related to.
If I were you, I’d slowly enjoy getting to know your ex after a 20-year separation and trust that, in time, he’ll begin to open up to you as long as you put the brakes on trying to control whom he talks to and about what. I can think of many reasons a recently divorced person might keep in touch with his very recent ex in-laws, including that they were family for 18 years and it’s probably hard to cut that tie even when a marriage ends. That stepmother may have been like a mother to him and he may have been like a son to her. They were family. Let him figure out the nature of his relationships with his former in-laws in his own time, and, if you feel like you aren’t able to do that, then maybe this isn’t the right time for you two to re-unite.
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org.