It’s time again for Shortcuts. For every question, I’ll give my advice in just a few sentences, because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great, being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go.
One problem: I’ve been scared to tell my parents — not only about moving in together but the fact that I have a boyfriend who’s 33. My parents are very old school and strict. I know they’ll judge him and that’s what scares me every time I’m about to let them know. Help! I potentially found the man I want to be with but don’t know how to tell my parents. — May, December
Tell your parents you’ve been dating someone you really like, but don’t move in with this guy. Let your parents finish paying for your school and THEN, and only then, if you’re still together, think about living together. You’re only 20 — you have a long, long time to spend the rest of your life with this person if that’s what you choose, so why not take advantage of your parents’ generosity long enough to at least finish school?
Considering that this man’s house is far from yours and your mother doesn’t want you to go there, why not just let him come to your house, since the “unexplainable” feeling you had when he was there was a “good” one? And if your mother won’t let him come spend time with you at your house, I suggest you cease dating someone 12 years older until you are old enough and mature enough to live on your own and make your own decisions about whom to date and whose house to visit.
Why, indeed. I think you’re scared of what you don’t know and you believe the devil you do know is less scary. It’s not. Please find the support you need — friends, family, a counselor, a lawyer, a nonprofit group that helps women in situations like yours — and get yourself out of your marriage and MOA. It’s only going to get worse.
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