It’s time again for Shortcuts. For every question I’ll give my advice in just a few sentences because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great that being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go.
This guy and I have been dating for a year now and I still haven’t met his parents, which is it’s starting to affect our relationship. He mentioned to me that he’s still with his child’s mother and doesn’t want to lose both of us.
The question is must I stay or move on? — Not His Baby Mama
MOA!! He’s in a relationship with someone else — the mother of his child. He won’t introduce you to his family. Honey, you are the other woman and you’re not going to be more than that. Have some self-respect and MOA.
In January my boyfriend and I started having problems in our relationship. There was a lot of arguing and trying to work things out, but by Feburary it just was not working. He kept saying he wanted space, so I started getting a feeling that he was cheating on me. Come to find out he was, and he had been dating this girl since our issues starting arising. He has constantly been at her house and going on dates with her. I broke up with him and decided not to talk to him. Two weeks after the break up he started contacting me every day. I responded but never made the effort to contact him. He poured his feelings out about how he misses me, we should be friends, and he felt like in our relationship he was holding me back. He keeps claiming he wants me, yet he is still with that other girl. I refuse to have sex with him because it will only make things worse. I feel like a fool because whenever he needs me I am always there, but it just isn’t fair because he is still with that girl. But he keeps acting as if this girl does not matter. I’ve never experienced this before, and I do not know what to do. Can you please help me? — Missing Him
MOA. You know how he acts like the other girl doesn’t matter? That’s how he acts about you with her. And the truth is that neither of you matters anywhere near as much as he matters to himself. Plus, he cheated on you. Get a backbone and tell him to back off. He lost his chance with you.
My boyfriend and I broke up several months ago as a result of my uncle who does not want us to be together. Three weeks ago he sent a message to me telling me he missed me and that I have become more beautiful. Before then I had noticed he changed his Facebook status from “single” to “in a relationship,” and I decided to ask him if he was truly in a relationship. He said yes but that it wasn’t serious, and, therefore, he wants us to start from where we stopped. I agreed, and we started chatting online (but no phone calls) until five days ago when he stopped chatting with me. Meanwhile, he is always online and, whenever I send him a message, he will never reply. He doesn’t call but rather give excuses whenever I call him that he saw my messages but was too busy to respond. I am now confused as to whether he truly loved me or was just taking advantage of me. Should I leave him and move on? — Confused
MOA! He has a girlfriend AND he is ignoring you. That’s not love. Also, why do I have a sneaking suspicion you two have never actually met in person? Aim higher.
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If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at [email protected].
Lianne May 30, 2014, 9:20 am
GatorGirl May 30, 2014, 9:22 am
Okay first off, why does your uncle have a say in who you date?
Secondly, get the hint. He’s over you.
Miss MJ May 30, 2014, 10:00 am
Because you’re a minor and he’s your guardian?
GatorGirl May 30, 2014, 10:04 am
That’s like the only “valid” reason I can think of too.
LlamaPajamas May 30, 2014, 9:34 am
General rule: when the person you’re “in love”/obsessed with is dating someone else, MTFOA (I amended that to include a curse word because these LWs left me beyond exasperated).
Laura Hope May 30, 2014, 9:36 am
Actually I was thinking “doormat” Friday. Want to join the festivities? 1.Remove backbone 2.Lie down
Amanda May 30, 2014, 9:48 am
Between this and my inbox at work, I’ve already reached my daily threshold for stupidity and/or helplessness.
All three LWs: MOA and grow a damn spine.
lemongrass May 30, 2014, 9:50 am
It is so sad that women (and men too) feel that they don’t deserve better treatment than this.
bagge72 May 30, 2014, 9:58 am
These can’t be real, I mean there can’t be this many people out there that actually are this desperate for love that they just ignore the fact that the person they are in a relationship with is also in a relationship with somebody else… can there be?
Also what’s up with girls recently saying they refused to sleep with there ex who is in another relationship, like it is some sort of big deal, like they should be praised or something for not fornicating with a scumbag who cheated them, and is now cheating on the person they cheated on them with… ugh I think I just confused myself.
So my opinion is that none of you should be allowed to date anyone ever if you think this is how relationships are supposed to work.
Marcie May 30, 2014, 10:16 am
My boyfriend had another girlfriend once. IN MIDDLE SCHOOL.
cakemonster May 30, 2014, 10:57 am
The three boyfriends I had in first grade seemed to be cool with it.
Kate B. May 30, 2014, 11:19 am
Today’s letters are proof that yes, there are that many people out there. These are the people who keep Maury Povich and Dr. Phil in business. They are the backbone of an industry. I’m thinking of changing careers.
artsygirl May 30, 2014, 10:04 am
Thank god for what I now affectionately call Facepalm Friday
lets_be_honest May 30, 2014, 10:23 am
Why is it that all it takes is a stupid text about “he missed me and that I have become more beautiful”?????
lemongrass May 30, 2014, 10:38 am
No shit, you’re “more beautiful” now (please tell me how to do that) so NOW I want you, but not enough to dump my current girlfriend. How is that okay???
Miss MJ May 30, 2014, 10:40 am
But if you bang me, it might tip the scales in your favor, so….
Kicia May 30, 2014, 10:24 am
Well, at least no one got pregnant. That’s progress.
honeybeenicki May 30, 2014, 10:39 am
Or at least they didn’t mention it. Wait for the updates.
Stonegypsy May 30, 2014, 10:26 am
You know, a lot of the time Shortcuts are so absurd they make me laugh. These just made me sad.
Aim higher, girls. Aim higher
Laura Hope May 30, 2014, 10:43 am
Kicia–Great observation! By the way, I read this morning that they’re coming out with a new condom that’s only worn on the tip. Maybe people will actually use it.
Cassie May 30, 2014, 1:31 pm
I have a lot of questions.
Sara May 30, 2014, 10:53 am
j2 May 30, 2014, 10:56 am
Yes, a true triple facepalm!
honeybeenicki May 30, 2014, 10:59 am
Um… what? LWs… all of you need to move on and get some self respect. If you’ve been dating someone for a year and he’s “mentioned” he’s with his child’s mother, that means you’re the other woman. If you feel like you need praise for not sleeping with your ex, you need to reevaluate what you’re doing. And if someone is ignoring you (and dating someone else), you need to just move on. They’re not interested. They probably enjoy your messages because its a good ego boost.
rieux May 30, 2014, 11:53 am
Hey LW1, are you SURE it’s the meeting-the-parents thing that’s causing all the problems in your relationship? I’m just throwing this out there, it MIGHT have something to do with the whole he-has-another-girlfriend thing.
shanshantastic May 30, 2014, 12:03 pm
NO! It can’t be true. They have a special love!
DesiDad May 30, 2014, 1:09 pm
My favorite comment from many LW’s:
“He told me he has never felt this way with anybody else, not even his current girlfriend!”
Mclovin May 30, 2014, 1:46 pm
I really hope that Wendy decides to do a video version of Shortcut responses in the future. Maybe while doing some interpretive dances and saying MTFOA into the camera.
rainbow May 30, 2014, 3:06 pm
Yes, please! With a top hat.
DreamPlanActLive May 30, 2014, 2:19 pm
*facedesk* because facepalm is really no-where near enough for those three.Why would you even ask?OF COURSE YOU SHOULD MOVE ON!!!
kali May 30, 2014, 2:56 pm
Seems like we should just rename this The MOA Page…
Generally it seems that if you have to ask, you should already have MOAed!
Bittergaymark May 30, 2014, 4:36 pm
LWs 1, 2, and 3: um, stay with these losers, i guess. If you’re all REALLY this dumb, well, gee… I suspect it IS hard to land a man…
tzvifl June 2, 2014, 11:51 pm
The comments above are pretty unanimous, but I though I might play devil’s advocate for a second. Why is everyone so judgemental on these three? I know the letters are pretty clueless, but why is it so obvious that in the first one, for instance, the “other woman” should move on? Maybe our advice should be she should decide if she is happy being the other woman? If she is, who are we to judge her choice?
I make this point because I think there is a very inconsistenly applied principle at this site – no judgementalism on matters sexual, except when there is. Thus, no “slut shaming” or anything but the openest acceptance of “alternative” relationship arrangements. But lots of judgement of anyone acused of being a doormat, of refusing to “aim higher” than certain kinds of unconventional relations – that phrases come out about “stupidiity”, about how “sad” it is, and lots of “facepalms”.
I’d like to know if otthers think this is inconsistent, and if so, why or why not..
If you want my real view, I think there is an incosistency, and I think it has a lot to do with social class. Those who know how to express their alternative relationship dramas in the language and values of the upper-middle class types who dominate this website – and that includes our esteemed host – get the benefit of “non-judgementalism”. Those from a different social class venue who can’t express it that way – like the three above – get treated like idiots.
Anyone have any thoughts?