It’s time again for Shortcuts. For every question, I’ll give my advice in just a few sentences because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great that being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go.
Now I am the one that almost cheated. I got really drunk this past week and this guy I know tried to have sex with me. I was not aroused at any point and I begged him to get off of me because I was in a relationship, but also at the same time I was really wasted so I couldn’t push him off of me as much as I wanted to. He eventually stopped and left me. I am afraid to tell her what had happened because I knew that she would leave me. My cousin and best friend told me I should refrain from telling her since I was drunk and I told him to stop. What do you think? — Asked Him to Stop
I don’t even understand this. It sounds like you were almost sexually assaulted and not that you almost cheated. The guy was forcing himself on you and you were begging him to get off you, right? How is that cheating? Still, if your girlfriend wouldn’t believe that scenario, and she is making a habit of cheating on you (twice in three months), then, after four years of on and off dating, this relationship is probably better in the permanent “off” mode. Plus, both of you need to be more careful when you’re out drinking.
I have not heard from him for two days; he won’t respond to me. He said I was beautiful and kind and had a phenomenal personality but that he needed to work on himself. Really? He can’t be too focused on himself if he’s talking to other women. I even had flowers delivered. Is he wanting me to fight for him? Is he being an asshole and hoping I will take the hint? Will he ever reach out? I didn’t deserve this. I could not have been more sweet and supportive of him. It was always about him and then he ghosted me. Will this pain ever go away? I feel so deeply for him and I am in agony. I’ve gone to therapy, talked with friends and family, and have read as many articles I can. I pray daily for him. I just don’t know what to do or why this is happening. — In Agony
Let me get this straight: You met this guy a month ago and haven’t seen him in over two weeks? So, you essentially “dated” for, what, ten or 12 days or so? And you are in such agony over being ghosted, which happens all the time!, that you can’t stop crying, you’ve sent him flowers, you’re wondering if the pain will ever go away? Just a thought: Maybe the reason why he cooled his jets is that you came on a little too strong and he could feel you were a bit of a stage 4 clinger. At this point, you need to MOA and, in the future, don’t just say you’re going to take things slowly — DO take things slowly, and maybe then you won’t be so hooked after a few days that your world falls apart if the guy stops responding to your texts. And definitely keep up with the therapy!
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at email@example.com.