It’s time again for Shortcuts. For every question, I’ll give my advice in just a few sentences, because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great, being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go.
I’ve been dating my boyfriend for a year and a half now and I love him more than words can explain. He’s always talking about marrying me and starting a life together, but the thing is I cheated on him in the first couple of months we were dating. I was in a bad place and just didn’t really care about anything. I was out partying every weekend doing my thing. But I get really bad anxiety and it was eating me up inside so I told him that this guy and I just kissed (which wasn’t the whole truth). He was devastated. And now maybe seven months have gone by since I told him that and my anxiety is eating me up inside and I don’t know whether I should tell him the whole truth or not. Everyone says not to, but I just feel horrible keeping this from him. — Eaten By Anxiety
You’d only be telling him the whole truth to alleviate your guilt, and that’s unfair and totally selfish. Let it go, move on and don’t cheat on him again. As for your anxiety, I recommend taking up running or kite-flying or kick boxing or Zumba. Break a sweat and get in touch with your breath. If that doesn’t work, therapy.
I met this girl a year ago and we were planning to go out soon, but, all of a sudden, her ex got back in contact with her and they got back together. All I know about him is that they were in a long-term relationship and they broke up because he said he couldn’t imagine marrying her. She told me that she was very hurt by it and she even said she thought he might be the one. I am worried she is going to get hurt by him again. I tried telling her that, but she is too stubborn. I won’t lie — I am in love with her even if we haven’t gone out on a single date yet. I want to help her, but I am thinking I might just have to let her find out herself. So what do you think about this? — Too Late
I think it’s probably time for you to MOA and to find someone to go on a date with who is both emotionally and physically available.
Why does it seem like my ex I was with for three years has already moved on? He posts pictures of some other girl and seems so interested in her… and, yet, he hangs out with me all of the time and is still emotional with me and shows love and affection and talks about the past and is touchy! We will hang out until 5 AM just talking and tickling and play fighting (all of which he initiates) even though he has to wake up for work at 6. Why does he spend all hours of the night with me comforting me, making plans for the future with me, being touchy and bringing up things from our past? He is the one who left me and it’s only been six weeks, but he already seems interested in this other girl. What’s his deal? Has he moved on? Rebounded? Confused? He’ll even gently tickle my back and play with my hair and rub my neck. I mean is he just used to doing this stuff and that’s why he does it?! HELP! What should I do? — Tickled By My Ex
Stop giving your love away for free! He broke up with you not because he’s not interested in you or doesn’t care about you anymore; he broke up with you so he could have his cake and eat it too. He wanted to continue hanging out with you and being intimate with you, but also have the freedom to pursue other girls. And you’re letting him get away with it. So, stop. Get some self-respect and tell him that, if he wants to be with you, he has to be with just you. And if he can’t do that, then that’s his loss.
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If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at [email protected].