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It’s time again for Shortcuts. For every question I’ll give my advice in just a few sentences because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great that being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go.
The worst thing you could do is let this guy you’ve just started dating believe the baby you’re pregnant with is his. The second worst thing you could do is believe him when he says he wants to start a family of his own with you. You’ve just started dating! Slow down, be honest, tell him you’re pregnant with your ex’s baby, and use the time until that baby is born to see how your relationship with this new guy develops. As for your baby-to-be’s father (and grandmother), he may not want anything to do with you, but he sure as shit has every right to know about his baby if you plan to keep it. Stop making excuses, and tell him immediately.
Quit wondering how your boyfriend sees your relationship and why he won’t accept gifts from you and isn’t interested in pleasing you and ASK him. Tell him you see a difference in the way he treats you versus how he treated his last girlfriend and it confuses you. If he can’t give you a satisfactory answer that makes you feel good about where you stand with him, consider moving on–because what you’re describing doesn’t sound like a loving relationship. And if you can’t get love from your boyfriend of a year, what’s the point in being together?
Your ex isn’t sending mixed signals. He’s sending one signal very clearly; you just don’t like it. He has told you (and shown you through actions) that, while he likes having you as a friend, he is not interested in being anything more than that. Since you’re still hung up on him romantically, take a break from him. No more hanging out with him (one-on-one or in groups). No more going over and playing with his daughter. No more spying on his house to see when his girlfriend comes over. Literally, look the other direction and MOA until the thought of him not being yours doesn’t hurt anymore.
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at email@example.com.