New readers, welcome to Dear Wendy, a relationship advice blog. If you don’t find the info you need in this column, please visit the Dear Wendy archives or the forums (you can even start your own thread), or submit a question for advice.
It’s time again for Shortcuts. For every question I’ll give my advice in just a few sentences because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great that being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go.
I think it was selfish of him to dump that on you two weeks before he’s going to go away for four years like he expects you to just wait for him even though you’ve never been more than friends. If I were you, I’d tell him you’re flattered and that you have feelings for him and if, in four years, you both still feel the same and are both single, you’d love to re-visit the idea of being more than friends, but for now a long-distance friendship will have to do.
I think the better question is: Who cares? The only wedding where it matters whom you’re accompanying up or down the aisle is your own. The two or three minutes that you and your husband have to walk along someone other than each other are not in any way worth another second of anxiety, frustration, anger, or sadness. Instead, why don’t you celebrate that your brother thinks highly enough of your choice in a husband to make him his Best Man!
You have four options: help her find a different place to live (and if she needs money to afford a different place to live, then you need to help with that, too); talk to her about her meddling ways and explain that she cannot continue living in your home while bossing you around and butting into your business; let her stay, but ask her to do more around the house, like babysit, cook, and clean, to help earn her keep and help keep you from being too resentful of her presence; you and your three kids find a different place to live separate from your boyfriend and his mother.
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org.