It’s time again for Shortcuts. For every question, I’ll give my advice in just a few sentences, because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great, being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go.
I have been dating my boyfriend for almost five years and it’s been rocky and we’ve had our fair share of ups and downs. Last July, I cheated on him with my neighbor because I was not getting enough attention. I came clean about a week or two later because I couldn’t handle the guilt, and we broke up but still continued to sleep together until we eventually got back together in September. Last week I discovered that he’d been having an affair for eight months with a married woman whose husband is 30 years older. He told me that he wanted to leave so many times, but she would threaten to tell me and act crazy and that he didn’t know how to get out of it. Meanwhile, he was never home and I begged for his attention. He said that they slept together often — probably more than we did — and that they had told each other they loved one another. When everything came out, she still indirectly denied having the affair and I basically beat the truth out of him. He apologized over and over and said that he wanted to stay with me, that he didn’t know why or how he did what he did and that he wanted to give me everything, which is why he chose to tell me the truth. My head says to MOA and my heart says can this be fixed. Which should I listen to? — Head or Heart
Your head. Five years is about four years and nine months too long to spend on a relationship that doesn’t work. Don’t waste any more time on this disaster.
My controlling and insecure boyfriend of one month searched my phone last week and found messages from another guy telling me he misses me. I replied that I missed him too, but that I’ve been busy. This guy is a friend and my boyfriend knows it. For some reason my boyfriend started yelling and insulting me, saying that I am sleeping with the guy and, since he is not the only one in my life, he might as well start following other girls. I was so hurt, but I kept quiet. It’s been two weeks, and I have not heard from him since. I’ve called and sent messages but no reply. What do I do now? — Not Too Busy for Him
Count your blessings you dodged that bullet, and, if you’re ever again in a position to say “my controlling boyfriend,” MOA because there’s no reason those three words should ever be uttered together by any self-respecting person.
There is a boy at my school whom I adore. He is the most popular guy of the school. Last year, I did not care about him, but this year he started smiling at me, so I introduced myself and we got to know each other. At the school dance he showed me his Facebook account (I don’t have one) and seemed very comfortable with me. His best friend told my friend that he likes me, but he “has some problems with an older girl.” I do not know what she meant exactly, but I was excited, created a Facebook account and added him as a friend. He had been ignoring me lately, and I asked him on FB what he thinks of me and if he ignores me because I have done something bad to him. He said he simply doesn’t care about me and I said the same thing, but during the conversation he was calling me “my girl.” I said I only see him as a friend, but he said he isn’t even interested in being friends with me. I said “OK, so tomorrow at school I should not even say a hi to you?” And he replied “Do whatever you want.” And I said “OK, I won’t talk to you, because, as I said, I do not want anything from you,” and he read that and immediately disconnected. It has been a month since then and we are not talking, but he keeps on looking at me and following me sometimes. Do you think he likes me? — Not in a Friendly Way
No, and more importantly, I don’t think he’s given you any reason to like him.
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