It’s time again for Shortcuts. For every question, I’ll give my advice in just a few sentences, because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great, being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go.
I texted my ex to say, “I’m not ashamed to say I miss you.” He responded with, “I’ll call you.” When he called, he said he was at a loss for words, and then he asked how I was and talked about his plans for the day. He said he’d call back and he did. Then, we met up. It had been a month since we saw one another. He picked me up, we went to his house, and…yes, “it” happened. As he was bringing me home the next morning, he got two calls he wouldn’t answer. Within four hours after dropping me off, he called to ask about the next time I would come over. Since then, he calls three times a week — sometimes twice in one day — asking me what I’m doing. What is he really saying? — Not Ashamed
He’s saying he would like to continue having no-strings-attached sex with you.
I am 21 years old and I live at home with my grandparents, father and aunt who are old-fashioned and always in my business. They help me a lot and so I always feel like I owe them explanations for everything I’m doing and it irritates me when they try to tell me when and how to do things. Long story short, I want to go on vacation this summer with my boyfriend of almost four years, but I’m afraid of the comments and assumptions I’ll get from my family and it slightly turns me off on the vacation idea. But I realize that that’s silly and I can’t not do things because of them! Help! How do I tell them about the vacation?! — Afraid of Comments
If your family “helps” you a lot (i.e. pays your bills, lets you live with them rent-free, etc.), you probably DO owe them some explanations. If that is too irritating, move out and pay your own way. You’ll soon learn that is also irritating. If you’re not ready for the irritation of being financially independent, suck it up and ask for permission to go on vacation with your boyfriend. If, at 21, you think you’re too old to have to ask permission for something like that, then maybe you’re too old to be financially dependent. Cake, eating it too, etc.
I recently got back into the dating game after opting to not date for several years. I met this guy named Bill who is intelligent, thoughtful, nice and is very into me. I enjoy his company, but I am not physically attracted to him. How can I nicely let him know he is more of a friend than a boyfriend when he is obviously into me? We’ve been on three dates thus far and I don’t want to get in any deeper. — Not So Into It
I would shoot him a quick email — the sooner the better — and say that you’ve really enjoyed your time with him and getting to know each other, but you’ve realized now after three dates that you feel more of a friend vibe with him than a romantic spark and you don’t think any more dates will change that for you. He’ll probably feel a little rejected and hurt, but it’s not like after just three dates he won’t be able to move on pretty quickly. The key is to stay simple in your message and not gush or go on and on about what a great guy he is or you’ll just sound condescending.
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If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at [email protected].