It’s time again for Shortcuts. For every question, I’ll give my advice in just a few sentences, because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great, being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go.
Why does my boyfriend refuse to tell me about any of his ex-girlfriends? I don’t need to know deep, secretive information. I’m just curious about how they ended, idiosyncrasies that drove him crazy, what he learned from them… anything! We’ve been dating for a year and four months and it’s definitely a serious relationship. However, every time I’ve asked any question about his previous relationships, he tells me that it’s inappropriate to talk about them. Do you think he is ashamed of them? Do you think that once a relationship is over, he forgets all about them? I don’t want to be in love with a man who keeps things from me for fear of being uncomfortable. I’ve honestly told him everything I believe he needs to know about my previous relationships. I’m worried that I’m too trusting of him. — Ex-Communicated
It sounds like you have something in common: you both have told each other everything you believe the other needs to know about your previous relationships. Now, drop the obsession with the past and start focusing on your current relationship before you have another ex to add to the list.
I have been with my significant other for close to 20 years. Long story short, we broke up a few years back. He called me one and a half years later and said he would like to start seeing me again. So we started dating — and then he changed jobs, moving from Portland, Oregon to Maui, Hawaii. He wanted me to come with him. We have lived together now for two years. He asked me to sell his truck for him and said I could use his cell phone to take pictures and post them on Craigslist. While I was looking at his photo gallery, I ran across a picture of a younger lady. He had taken it from his work truck and she was walking away from him. All I could see was the back of her in a short black dress and her long blonde hair. When I asked him about it, he said, “What? Let me see!” Then he deleted it and didn’t answer my question. I asked: “Who is that lady walking away from your truck?” He wouldn’t answer me, so I asked him if he has a girlfriend and if I need to move out. He still won’t answer me and just ignores me like I haven’t even said anything. What is your answer for me? — Truck Stop Love
Sell the car, keep the money, quit the boyfriend, stay in Hawaii (because, why not?).
My boyfriend and I are in high school, and we have been dating one year and four months. We have had a great relationship and we were very close, but about a month ago he started MMA fighting/training with his friend. He’s trying to lose weight and learn how to fight, but ever since he started this he’s changed. He’s more into his friends and isn’t spending much time with me because he is always at training. We’ve seemed to have grown apart, and his new friends don’t seem to like me and tell him we should break up. He had good friends that accepted me, but he’s kind of pushed them away too. I really love this guy, but I feel we are falling apart and he’s losing interest and his friends are changing him. He knows I don’t like that he does training and that I’m fine with his weight. But I don’t know what to do or what to say to bring us close again. Should I give up? What do you think I should do? — Fighting for Our Love
If you haven’t already, start spending more quality time with your own friends and develop hobbies you can enjoy when your boyfriend is busy training. That way, if you continue drifting apart, you’ll have your own life and a circle of friends to support you.
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