Well, a few of the crew won’t be bringing dates, so the cabin isn’t full, and another (male) friend from college asked if he can bunk with us. Thing is, he’s my ex from high school. We dated almost 10 years ago and, while we ended with hard feelings, we have since forged a comfortable friendship with little awkwardness and see each other maybe twice a year for a meal or coffee. He’s really good friends with all of the girls in the cabin, even closer to one of them than I am. I didn’t think it would bother me, but I find myself feeling awkward sharing a cabin with him, especially since my current partner of three years (we live together and are very serious) will be there as well.
The other girls in the cabin are deferring to me on this one, which I appreciate. I value his friendship and don’t want to hurt him or be mean, especially since our cabin might be the only one of folks from our college days, so his alternative might be bunking with complete strangers, but I am finding myself feeling surprisingly weird about the idea of sleeping in the same big room as him.
My current partner isn’t jealous at all (especially since it’s been 10 years) and is deferring to me on this. Is there some way to make this less awkward or do I just remind myself that it’s been a long time, we’re friends now, and so sharing a room with him is just like sharing it with any other male friend? — To Share or Not to Share
Since you were on the original invite list to stay in the cabin and this old high school boyfriend wasn’t so much invited as he simply asked if he could stay there, and since everyone seems to be deferring to you on this, you get to make the call. If sleeping in the same room as an ex from ten years back along with a bunch of girlfriends, their dates, and your boyfriend, wigs you out, you could consider perhaps sleeping in another room of the cabin (sleeping bags or an air mattress in the common area), pitching a tent outdoors, or simply staying elsewhere — a nearby motel or hotel.
Another option, of course, is to let your friends, who have deferred to you, know you aren’t comfortable with your ex sharing a sleeping space with you and you’d like him to stay somewhere else. Realize, though, that if you choose this option you will likely piss some people off, not least of whom is the ex in question, with whom you say you’ve forged a comfortable friendship. But maybe that’s preferable to you than the awkwardness you’d feel in bunking next to him. Then again, maybe it won’t be as awkward as you think. It’s been ten years, after all. You were kids when you dated. And it’s not like you’ll be sharing a room with just him and your boyfriend. There will be 12 of you. Can’t you just sleep on opposite sides of the room and pretend he isn’t even there?
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