New readers, welcome to Dear Wendy, a relationship advice blog. Read some of the most popular Dear Wendy posts here. If you don’t find the info you need in this column, please visit the Dear Wendy archives or the forums (you can even start your own thread), do a search in the search bar, or submit a question for advice at wendy(AT)dearwendy.com.
The bummer is he has a girlfriend who lives in another city (about 4 hours away). As the semester has gone on, I’ve wondered if he might be feeling the same way. A few girlfriends who know I like him (and have hung out with both of us) think it’s pretty clear he has some feelings for me, and a few people on campus have asked if I’m his girlfriend. We’ve joked about dating before, but there is equal probability he’s just joking or he means something more. I’ve tried dating other guys, but I’m secretly hopeful he has feelings for me.
I’m not sure if he would end things with his girlfriend based on the strength of our friendship, but I wonder if he would if I told him how I felt. I was thinking I might tell him before the holiday break starts, and we won’t see each other for a month and a half. Either he’ll feel the same way, not be sure or he won’t reciprocate at all. And if it is either of the latter two, the break will be a good time for him to think about what he wants or for me to get some distance. I figure if he isn’t interested, it’ll suck, but at least I can move on. And I think (I hope) our friendship will only be awkward if I make it awkward – although, maybe I’m being naive and it will change a lot (maybe his girlfriend won’t want me to hang out with him anymore, maybe he’ll feel too awkward, etc.). But the upside would be so great!
Is it a terrible idea? When I like someone, I tend to read all his behavior with the slant that he likes me. So maybe the fact that he has a girlfriend and hasn’t ended things is reason enough that he’s not interested.
I feel like you’re going to give me tough love which is good because I think I am seeing this situation too hopefully. — Ready to Tell
No tough love. The guy has given you enough signals that your feelings may be reciprocated that you two getting together isn’t some far-fetched idea. You’ve given this a lot of thought, weighed the consequences of confessing your feelings, and seem — rightfully so — to think the potential benefits of being honest outweigh the potential drawbacks. I say go for it! Just make sure you’re OK with possibly losing this guy as a friend (which would probably happen anyway if you continue harboring unexpressed feelings for him) and for things to be a little awkward until this blows over.
You can follow me on Facebook here and sign up for my weekly newsletter here.
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org.