Two days ago I became a married woman. I had been engaged since September of last year and have had the wedding date set and bridesmaids selected since October. By Thanksgiving, the venue had been picked, the dresses (mine and the bridesmaids as well) had been chosen and prices calculated. I offered to buy the $140.00 dress anyone who could not afford it just to keep everything stress-free but all the bridesmaids turned the offer down, including the Matron of Honor.
Now a little background on my Matron of Honor: we’ve been best friends since sixth grade. After I joined the Navy, she married a younger man who joined the Army at her behest and deployed to Iraq last fall. Since he’s deployed she began cheating on him with his best friend who still rooms with them in base housing. She also began cleaning out his bank account every payday on frivolous objects. She gave her son up to her mother because she decided she didn’t bond with him and was unhappy being a mother. The she changed her mind and started talking about getting pregnant about a month after giving him up, and has threatened to leave her husband because he asked her to stop seeing his best friend and he started talking to his ex about how unhappy he was in his marriage. She has the most drama-filled life I have ever seen, but I support her through her ups and downs and give her a shoulder to cry on.
Anyway, in April she mentioned she hadn’t bought her shoes, dress, bra, and whatever else she needed for the June wedding. I offered to pay, but she declined and I began asking about the status of her dress every 4 days or so. By the end of April it was bought and hemmed and everything was fine. In the middle of May as I was going over RSVPs I asked her about her hotel reservations since she was coming to Knoxville, TN from Fort Hood, Texas for the wedding. She stated she hadn’t made them yet and I reminded her that its the top season for weddings, and that the block of hotels that I had put on hold for the wedding had already been taken, but that there were some cheaper but still nice hotels in the area. It was around this time she began talking about money issues, so I asked her if I needed to give her some cash — give as in not loaning, but as a gift. She declined the offer and said she was going to be there no matter what.
At the beginning of June her husband returned from Iraq for his R&R, and proceeded to tell me how excited he was to come to the wedding and see me. Four days before the wedding I log onto Facebook and see her latest Facebook status states (in full) “With a heavy heart and a heavy sigh…I see the door closing on my trip to TN…. I don’t see any way possible to get there safely and in a price range we can afford at them moment….. I feel like shit…I’ve let my best friend down…. ”
Of course, finding this out through Facebook immediately upset me so I texted her and she replies with something along the lines of she was going to call me in the morning, but wanted to post it first. Awesome. So after talking for a while I tell her this doesn’t impact our friendship. The next morning I make a phone call to my mother-in-law and together we raise about $1000.00 for hotel costs and gas to and from Texas plus any food she would need and spending money. I immediately call her and leave a voicemail. Seven hours pass and I don’t hear from her so I text her and re-explain that I have the money for her. Ten minutes later her husband calls me and explains that “She has a bad feeling about the trip, and because she has had visions of her dying after her 24th birthday (which is about two weeks away) she will not be attending the wedding.”
I explain to him that her not attending is going to cost me well over a thousand dollars, because her name is all over everything being the matron of honor. I would need to find a last minute stand in, I would have to redo all the programs, movie posters (tt was a Hollywood-themed wedding) and buy everything for the new bridesmaid last minute. He replied with “She understands this, but this will be a sacrifice you have to make. She cried after hearing your voicemail this morning about you getting us the money but she’s not coming. I’ve tried.”
After everything was said and done, I appointed a bridesmaid to be Maid of Honor and made a phone call to a high school friend who I knew was coming to the wedding and got everything situated for her to be a replacement bridesmaid. The wedding goes off without a hitch, and at the end of the day it cost me roughly $1641.00 to fix the mess she created.
Now I’m receiving Facebook messages from her, texts, and phone calls. But I really feel as though our friendship has been stomped dead over her “all-about-me” attitude. My head tells me to MOA from our friendship, but my heart tells me she will change and not to throw away a decade-old friendship. The entire time before the wedding, she dragged her heels, bitched, cried and complained, and when another bridesmaid told her to stop acting like a child she screamed something about how she got married in a courthouse and blah blah blah. So I really feel as though my wedding ruined our friendship, or maybe she was always this way and I am just now opening my eyes. Needless to say my question is: should I MOA from my psychotic, vision having friend? — Brand New Wife
(And if you need an elaboration or justification for that answer, simply re-read your letter).
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