Fast forward to now and he has been offered the opportunity to move districts much sooner than expected. Ironically, the official offer came on the same day I was laid off — along with my whole office. This job offer would be awesome for his career. The district is still in the same state, but it will be a good distance away. We have agreed that we can’t do a long-distance relationship. We both still want to make it work and really see a future with each other, but there are a few concerns, the main one of which is how long we’ve been together thus far. Also, we are currently in a big city, but the move would be to a much smaller mountain town. I don’t drive and currently rely on public transportation. On one hand, I’ve always wanted to live in the mountains and really need to finish getting my license anyway. I also have plenty of money saved up, and because I do not yet have a degree and have varied experience, where I can work is somewhat flexible. I have also considered the option of starting remote work because I’ve wanted to do that for a long time.
We’re both very independent and responsible people, and we understand that following all of the pointers in your post would be super important for making things work. He’s half-lived with someone before, and I’ve fully lived with someone I was dating previously, and thus we have learned from prior mistakes. So I guess my question is: Would I be crazy to follow him, all things considered? — Should I Move?
The post you reference – 8 Things You Need to Do Before You Move For Love — lays it out for you really well. If you can’t read through it and enthusiastically feel ready for the challenge and potential pitfalls of moving for love, then you aren’t ready. And it makes sense that you wouldn’t be – you’ve only known this person for three months. The lifestyle change alone In moving from a big city to a small mountain town would be enough to give couples who have been together a lot longer some pause, particularly if one doesn’t know how to drive.
None of this is to say you couldn’t be happy moving where your boyfriend is going. You could learn to drive, you could find a new job there or a remote job that you could do from there. But it doesn’t sound like you are sure enough. You haven’t had enough time. And, frankly, I have to wonder about why you are so opposed to long-distance, at least temporarily. If you took, say, six to twelve months to date long-distance, that would give you time to continue getting to know each other, you could learn how to drive, and both of you could get a sense of this new mountain town and make sure it would be a good fit for you. Whatever reasons make this an unappealing option for you — so much so that you’ve ruled it out immediately — are likely reasons that would make picking up your life and moving to such a different place for a guy you’ve known a few months a little – well, you said it – crazy.
Bottom line: If you can’t commit to each other a few more months across the distance of a single state to make sure that moving is the right move, then moving isn’t the right move – now or in the future.
P.S. My ex and I don’t see each other; we just talk over the phone. — Fed Up
It’s time to make your current boyfriend an ex as well. You’ll kill two birds with one stone that way: He’ll see how ridiculous and moronic is it to demand that co-parents not speak to each other and instead use their kids to relay messages, AND you will no longer be stuck with a jealous, controlling asshole for a partner.
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at wendy(AT)dearwendy.com.