I’m not sure what the financial status of your partner’s daughters has to do with a baby shower, especially since you don’t mention any relevance at all? I have to wonder if there has been some jealousy or resentment on your part that the daughters have picked up on and which has affected your relationship with them. Regardless, I can tell you that your skipping this baby shower after you were invited, simply because you don’t want to go, will surely negatively affect your relationship with them. I mean, you get upset that they are “too busy” to attend family gatherings you invite them to (which, you know, maybe they legitimately are!) and now you have a chance to be the bigger person and attend an important function and you want to do the same thing you’ve been upset with them for doing in the past? Come on, grow up.
Go to the shower, drink a mimosa or eat a CBD gummy if it helps you relax a bit, choose a gift from the registry (they’re not going to stuff it in the trash), stay for an hour or two, make some chitchat with the others guests, be civil to the ex-wife, thank the host for inviting you, and then be on your own. It’s such a minimum sacrifice from you that helps preserve at the very least an appearance of civility between you and your partner’s family. Honestly, unless there has been some horrible incident between you and this daughter, I can’t fathom why you’d even consider skipping the shower. And if there has been such an incident, you wouldn’t have been invited anyway. So, go. It’s two hours of your life, and, if nothing else, it will give you fodder for arguing to close girlfriends how unfairly maligned you are by your partner’s daughters when YOU at least go to functions you’re invited to.
Kevon has always cheated on me and even put other people’s feelings before mine. He’ll go get a new “girlfriend” just to cheat on her with me. But if I even remotely look at a guy, he becomes jealous. Kevon has publicly embarrassed me with social media postings of his new “girlfriend.” After everything I have put up with, while on one of our breaks again, Kevon told me he got his ex-girlfriend pregnant. She’s four months now and I am crushed. He was very apologetic and sad because he knew there was no coming back from this. My heart is broken and I feel as though I wasted years on him. I’ll be the laughing stock of town again, and I’ll have to watch him make someone else happy with a child. Although he expressed to the ex-girlfriend that he didn’t want the baby, it’s her body and she’s keeping it.
I can’t even fathom moving on. He wants to work on our friendship and possibly move forward. But I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forgive him for this. Any advice? — Broken-Hearted over High School Sweetheart
You and Kevon are not a “match made in heaven.” Even when things “are good” between you, you aren’t a good match. Being a good match means being treated with respect by your partner all the time and not just when it’s convenient for him or when he feels like it or when he thinks of it. Being a good match means being equally committed to the relationship, sharing goals and values, and wanting the same thing in a relationship. You guys don’t have any of that. And you don’t have love. I know that because love doesn’t hurt, and you say that what you have hurts. Being lied to, cheated on, manipulated, gas-lit, made a fool of – all of that hurts. Sometimes relationships can be hard, but that’s different from love hurting. If you ever again feel like love hurts, take that as a crystal clear sign you are with the wrong person. Kevon is the wrong person. MOA.
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at wendy(AT)dearwendy.com.