From the forums:
She went to Brazil with her husband, and that is when things got interesting. Both she and Eric would always be on Facebook chat at the same time, and log off at the same second. At first when I noticed, I thought it was a coincidence and just brushed it off. Then I noticed it was multiple times per day, and at weird hours. At first I made the excuse that he was helping her through a hard time, because she had told my ex that she was having issues in her marriage. I was a little taken aback that she did not tell me, because I thought we were good friends, but I just ignored it. One day when it was really bothering me, I asked him if there was something between them and he said I was crazy. After the third time I asked him, he turned off his Facebook chat just for me. I could still see when he was active though, and it was at the same times as she was.
When she got back, I limited my contact with her because her actions angered me. She and Eric kept getting more intense with the flirting, and they ,would always go to the back area at the same time. She asked me a few times “jokingly” if I liked him, and I always joked back that he was too young for my liking.
One day she came to work dressed up, which she never does, and had an energy about her that she rarely had. That night, he stopped texting me at 9, which is when I assume they met up, as she worked until 8:30. He had never just stopped messaging me, so I was a little worried something had happened, but I did not think too much of it. I went to visit my best friend, and, when I left her house, I noticed his car on the road. At that moment I remembered that our coworker lived in that area, so I thought the worst, and, sure enough, Eric’s car was parked around the corner from from her house. Her husband’s car was nowhere though.
Later that evening, he replied to the texts I sent previously, saying: “Sorry, I was sick. I was throwing up all night.” When I told him I saw his car, he told me he let a friend borrow it.
There are so many more little details, like neither one of them logged into Facebook that night, which never happens (I clearly checked for that after I saw his car), among many other things.
I told Eric I was going to talk to the husband. He begged me not to, and said that I should give him one more chance to prove his innocence. I gave him that one chance about four times.
Last Monday I said again that I was going to the husband, and within two days my co-worker messaged me, telling me some dumb stuff about how she is disgusted I could think so little of her. All I said back was, “I hope your husband finds out”. We had a work meeting Tuesday night, and they were BFFs, acting like their usual selves. Both told me they do not see how their friendship is inappropriate, they tried to make me look crazy.
After all that, I am fine not talking to either one, but I still wake up in the middle of the night with the guilt that I know something significant that her husband should know about. But I have not told him. It has been over a month now.
So should I explain to the husband the situation? I am so lost and never would have thought I would be in a situation like this. Please advise me! — Trapped in a Love Square
What?! No. Just… no. Let’s start with your sign-off name: you are neither in a “love square,” nor “trapped.” Eric broke up with you when you came back from your summer vacation. That relationship is over and has been over for months. Get over it. Move on already. It’s done. Now that you’re out of the equation, that leaves three other people, so at most it’s a “love triangle” — one that you are not “trapped” in because you are not a part of.
Let me repeat: you are not a part of this triangle of people, whatever the relationships between and among them may be. And those relationships are none of your business. Not only are they none of your business, you clearly don’t know what you’re talking about. You have no proof of anything. And you want to go to the husband with “what you know”? What you know is so meaningless and circumstantial, I’d think even the most jealous of husbands would probably raise his eyebrows at you and be like, “Huh?”
You sound like someone who’s dancing on the edge of Crazyville, just daring herself to topple over head-first into wacka-doodle-dom. Maybe you feel scorned or maybe there was something in the water in Greece or maybe your life just lacks anything of interest so you’ve got to create drama wherever you can, but seriously: you need to get a grip. This obsession you have isn’t healthy and it isn’t productive.
Log off Facebook. Better yet, delete your account. I went through a crazy spell a few years back where I was sort of convinced everyone was out to get me and so I deleted my account for eight months until I trusted myself not to act nutso anymore. Facebook makes it really easy to delete your account and come back with everything — your friend’s list and all that jazz — still intact. Do it. Take a social media sabbatical. Get some hobbies. Develop some interests outside Eric and this other co-worker. Maybe fire up an online dating profile and go on some dates. Make some New Year’s resolutions. Resolve to be less nutso. Make 2014 the year of healthy living and make the first step toward that goal the resolution to move on from this “love square” once and for all. The future you, far from the border of wacka-doodle-dom, will thank you.
You can follow me on Facebook here and sign up for my weekly newsletter here.
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org.