It’s time again for Shortcuts. For every question, I’ll give my advice in three sentences or less, because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great, being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go. Today we discuss texting ex’s and family shunning.
Last weekend, we went to the movies. It was just us two, but we rationalized it by saying we were rebuilding our friendship. Once at the movies, it became increasingly clear that our rationalization meant nothing. He began holding my hand, flirting with me, and getting extremely close to me during the movie. He kissed me once, and I let him. It was disgusting and horrible, but I kissed him again. After the second kiss, I pulled away and said “I have a boyfriend. I can’t do this.” After quickly explaining to him my regret and guilt, I apologized and left the theater. Now I’m torn. Do I tell my boyfriend, irrevocably ruining his trust of me and hurting him? Or do I live with this intense guilt, and not risk the end of our relationship for good? — Hopelessly Torn
If the only reason you have to tell your boyfriend that you kissed your ex is to alleviate your guilt, keep your mouth shut. You’ve already acted selfishly enough. If you’re ready to fully commit to this relationship, quit hanging around with ex-boyfriends and anyone else who tempts you to cheat; if you’re on the fence, have the decency to MOA before you hurt your boyfriend more than you have already.
Tell your boyfriend just what you said here: “It really bothers me that you text your ex, and, if it doesn’t stop, I feel I can’t keep going on with our relationship.” His response will tell you everything you need to know about how committed he is to you and your relationship.
Be the bigger person and humbly apologize to your brother and let him know how much it would mean to you to be welcome at his wedding. If he still refuses to allow you to attend, at least let your sons represent you. Family is important and weddings are no time to hold a grudge (even if that’s exactly what your brother is doing to you…).
*If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org and be sure to follow me on Twitter.