From the forums:
Is it wrong for me not to tell him? I feel like I should just stay out of it. This is also making me question what kind of friend my girlfriend is (she’s done a few things before that made me question her judgment, and a lot of things she says make her sound entitled and “better than you”) though it’s hard since we’ve been friends for years now. She’s also my only close friend from college in the same town. — To Tell or Not
Tell the girlfriend how awkward and uncomfortable you feel knowing this bit of information about her/her relationship with her boyfriend. Remind her that he’s your good friend too and you hate that you’ve been put in a position now where you feel like you’re betraying him by not sharing what you know while you also feel like you’d be betraying her if you do share what you know. Tell her that you aren’t sure what you’re going to do, that you can’t guarantee you’ll keep it a secret, and that you want to give her the chance to confess to him before you say anything. But understand that even saying this might mean the end of your friendship with the girlfriend. But then, it sounds like you’re kind of done with her anyway, no?
If the girlfriend doesn’t say anything to her boyfriend, you’ll have to decide whether it’s worth telling him what you know. There’s no right or wrong answer — it depends on different factors, like the nature of their relationship, the nature of your friendship with each of them, the extent of your knowledge of the situation, whether you are prepared to lose one or both of these people as friends (and whom you think you might be more likely to lose if you tell vs. don’t tell).
Finally, knowing someone since college isn’t a good enough reason to stay friends. Even if you don’t have many other close friends in the town where you live. I’d start focusing on making new friends so that you don’t feel like you have to hang on to people you don’t like or respect very much.
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at [email protected].