Guest columnists and contributors are generously sharing their talents and insights while I’m taking some time to care for my new baby. Today’s letter is answered by columnist and blogger, Billie Criswell.
I’ve been living with my roommate for the past year and a half and so far I couldn’t find a better roommate. We just moved out of a group home and in to a 2-bedroom apartment a few months ago. For the past 6 to 8 months I’ve became very attracted to her and now that we’re living together I have grown to develop feelings to the point where I think about her all the time. We have a great relationship and chemistry. We IM constantly about random things and if we’re not IMing, we’re texting. We have so many things in common and enjoy each other’s company. If we’re home watching TV we have a great time; if we go out we have a great time.
Often, if she’s had a few drinks she becomes affectionate towards me. I did make a pass at her once but got rejected. This was when were lived in the group home. I’ve had mutual friends ask me if we we’re dating by the way we act towards each other. My concern is that there is a bit of an age difference — she’s 26 and I’m 39 — though that’s not a problem with me but for some people it is. Plus, it’s a roommate situation (I’ve dated a roommate before and when it went sour the living situation was very uncomfortable) and I don’t want to lose her as a friend if the feeling isn’t mutual. We once had a conversation about about how she hates it when guys don’t speak their mind about their feelings, and it’s killing me that that’s what I’m doing now. My question is: do tell her my how I’m feeling or let it go? — Crushing on the Roomie
As a person who has lived with dozens of roommates in my life, I have one hard and fast rule about them: no dating! Now, of course, there are always exceptions to every rule, but this doesn’t sound like one of them. Look, you may have a crush on the girl, but you sound like you are her BFF. There are no indications that she has any feelings for you and you said yourself that once you made a pass at her, but she turned you down. There is your answer.
It’s 2011, if this chick liked you, you would know. I doubt that she is harboring any unrequited feelings, and I think that you should put a lid on it and find a new love interest. It sounds like the two of you are great friends, and I think you need to keep it in the friend zone and not confuse love with convenience.
As for your conversation where she said she hates when guys don’t speak their minds, I’m sorry to say to you that you are reading too much into it. Obviously you are looking for a sign that makes you feel you can express your feelings, but I think it could potentially add a lot of weirdness to an otherwise great friendship.
My advice is that you look outside your home for someone suitable for you to date. Let it go with your roommate–she is one of many people you probably click with. If things change in the future, let her take the lead, but don’t hold out hope. Just enjoy the great friendship you already have with her and leave it at that.
* Billie Criswell is a columnist and blogger from the “Delaware Seashore.” She loves zumba, bloody marys, and cooking. You can follow her shenanigans at Bossyitalianwife.com.