Fast forward to a few weeks ago when my doctor decided to adjust my due date to a week before the wedding. I stepped down as soon as I found out; I don’t want to ruin her day by being a no-show. She agreed it would be best for me to step down, and she asked another friend of hers to replace me as a bridesmaid.
My two other girlfriends had offered to throw me a baby shower, and they seemed excited about it, but then they clammed up. I couldn’t figure out what happened, and I asked if they were still up for throwing it. They said yes but that they’d like it to be a very casual party, with store brand soda and $1 frozen pizzas, maybe a veggie tray and a fruit tray also.
They finally told me that the original bridesmaid dress is not being produced anymore and they can’t find one for the other friend, so the bride has selected a new dress and now they all have to buy the new dress, but they can’t return the old dresses since it’s been too long and the store won’t accept them back. I feel terrible that my friends and the bride’s other friends have to go to this additional expense because of me. I can’t afford to replace all of those dresses, though.
The fact is that neither of my girlfriends can afford to throw the baby shower now, and it’s my fault. I talked it over with my mom, and we want to take care of the food, beverages, and decorations, but we know it’s not kosher for the guest of honor and her mother to host the shower, nor do I want to hurt my friends’ feelings or pride. Can you think of a diplomatic way for me to tell my friends that we want to foot the bill for the shower, but I still want them to act as the hostesses? — One Dress, Two Dress
I find it mind-boggling — yes, mind-boggling! — that the bride in this scenario is making five of her best girlfriends take on the added expense of buying a second bridesmaid dress for her wedding because she HAS to have seven bridesmaids, presumably to match the number of groomsmen because, God forbid, there be an uneven number and someone walk down the aisle alone or with, like, a flower girl or something, nor can she fathom the idea of one of the dresses not matching the others exactly (even though she was OK with your maternity dress not being an exact match…).
You say several times that this is all your fault, but it’s not. I mean, yes, when you got pregnant and realized the due date was a week after your friend’s wedding, there definitely should have been some conversations about what would happen if you couldn’t make the wedding or what you would do if whatever dress you decided on didn’t fit on wedding day, but that’s as much the bride’s fault as yours. I mean, all these grown women, and no one thought to say, “Hey, due dates aren’t exact predictions; that baby could easily come three weeks before then.” Even if none of you has had a baby yet, I’m assuming you all have SOME knowledge about how these things work. Or mothers who know how these things work! Really, for obsessive as the bride sounds, I’m shocked she didn’t call your OB and demand an exact hour you would be giving birth.
Anywho. This isn’t all your fault. Honestly, if there’s anyone most deserving of blame here, it’s the bride for being nuts. First, for making all of you buy dresses a year before the wedding and, second, for making everyone buy a second dress instead of adjusting the number of bridesmaids or accepting that one of the dresses will look a little different than the others. But I guess that’s all out of your control. I’m more surprised that none of the other bridesmaids spoke up and said, “What the fuck, dude, no, I already bought a dress and I’m not buying another!” But, then, these are the same friends who all stayed quiet when you said you’d be having a baby a week after the wedding, so.
And that brings us to your current dilemma: how to handle your baby shower situation. Here’s what you do: Have your mother contact them and say she heard that they’re hosting your baby shower and she’s so excited about celebrating you and her grandbaby-to-be that she would love to help with the cost of the shower as a surprise to you. Your friends won’t want to say no to your mother and they won’t want to tell you about it either — or blame you for offending them — because they will think you don’t know about it. Then, your mother can write a check or give them cash earmarked for food, beverages, and decorations, and you’ll have a lovely shower that your friends can plan without going into more debt. Boom. Everyone’s happy.
But, seriously, you bride friend is nuts.
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