Here’s another 3-in-1 column, a feature I’m thinking of calling “Three’s Company” (thanks to MaterialsGirl for the suggestion):
I am getting married in a destination wedding in less than two weeks. My bridal shower is this weekend and I am in panic mode. I was perfectly happy until last week when I found out that my fiancé lied to me about his bachelor party not including strip clubs. The two times he has lied to me (that I know of) involve strip clubs. The first time I explained that it wasn’t that I was mad he went; I was mad that he didn’t fess up until I confronted him. Now that he’s lied twice about visiting strip clubs, I am terrified of becoming the clueless wife who believes everything her husband says and looks like a fool to everyone that knows the truth. If things weren’t so far along in the process, I would postpone the wedding. I can’t see myself calling 40 people who have purchased plane tickets and backing out. I also feel like I can’t talk to anyone because I don’t want to let them down. What can I do at this point? — Clueless
Your fiancé goes to strip clubs. If that’s a deal-breaker for you, you should probably call off the wedding because if he’s already lied to you at least TWICE about going to strip clubs, he will likely keep on going and keep on lying. The good news is that a destination wedding without a wedding is still a vacation, so people who have already purchased plane tickets can go and enjoy themselves and you can use the trip to clear your head.
I broke up with my boyfriend of six years about 18 months ago. We’re both seeing other people and I’ve been very happy in my new relationship for the past nine months. My ex lost his father recently. I was also close to this man and attended his funeral at my ex’s request. It’s been several weeks and my ex has contacted me. I’m the only one in this area who knew his father, and he wants to get together to share memories of his dad. I understand his need to do this, and I don’t have a problem with it, but my new boyfriend does. He told me the idea of me hanging out alone with my ex, even in a public space for a short period of time, makes him extremely uncomfortable. I hate to deny my ex his need to remember his father when he is still grieving, and it is hard to do so after more than six years of friendship. On the other hand, I understand why my current boyfriend is so uncomfortable. How do I handle this? — Sad for Ex
You didn’t share “six years of friendship” with this man, you shared a relationship. And now it’s over and you’ve moved on. At this point, it’s inappropriate for your ex to lean on you emotionally when, in addition to you no longer being his girlfriend, you are someone else’s girlfriend now — someone who has expressed his discomfort with you continuing an intimate friendship with your ex. Let your ex find comfort in his new girlfriend and other family members who are grieving the loss of his dad. As for you being the only person in the area who knew his dad, there’s no reason he can’t “remember his father” over the phone with people he didn’t spent six years dating, unless he’s simply hoping to use his father’s death as a way to get you back in his orbit because he misses you, which ew.
Two weeks ago I chatted online, at his initiation, with a guy whose dating profile I really liked. We talked for a couple of hours, seemed to have lots of common interests and similar senses of humour and planned tentatively to meet in person once he had his work schedule sorted (again, at his initiation). I sent him a message last Wednesday pertaining to something funny we had talked about, he said he’d get back to me when his schedule was clear and I haven’t heard from him since. Ordinarily, I’d say, “Yup, he’s totally not interested,” but he is an upper-year medical student and I know they have crazy schedules that are often changed last-minute. Maybe, though, I’m just making excuses because he’s the most interesting guy I’ve come across in a while. Is it worth it to send one last message saying, “Hey, you seem really cool and I’d love to meet you in real life, are you actually going to be free any time?” Or should I just move on? — Interested
You should just move on. If a guy can’t get in touch with you in the very, very beginning, when he should be trying to impress you (and vice versa), then you can’t expect him to be very dependable later. Better to MOA before you start to actually care.
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