Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Time Out

Just an FYI that I’m going to be taking some time off from posting β€” a few days probably. So there won’t be any new posts, but the message board will be open and you’re free to take advantage of that.

135 comments… add one
  • rachel February 8, 2012, 5:08 pm

    You’re definitely due the vacation! Hope everything’s alright!

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  • rainbow February 8, 2012, 5:08 pm

    I hope everything’s ok over there. We’ll be here when you come back.

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    • MaterialsGirl February 8, 2012, 5:11 pm

      maybe that’s what she’s afraid of πŸ˜‰

      Well, in other news, check the Forum “CHICAGO” section for info about tomorrow’s meetup and *possible* hilarious instagrams (if we’re allowed to post such things)

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      • Addie Pray February 9, 2012, 4:46 pm

        T minus 3.25 hours!

      • Addie Pray February 9, 2012, 10:39 pm

        So great to meet you tonight, Liv Tyler! (Lookit, it didn’t take me long to get home and hop on Dear Wendy.)

      • Iwannatalktosampson February 9, 2012, 10:42 pm

        How did it go?!? Were you nervous? You guys laugh till wine came out your nose? Was it awkward? Did you drink too much?

      • Addie Pray February 9, 2012, 10:48 pm

        It was fun! It was not awkward… until these virtual strangers started recalling personal things about me that I forgot I had shared “anonymously” with the internet. … I thought I’d get drunk and over share tonight, but it was someone else who did. πŸ™‚

        Good times, all ’round.

      • Iwannatalktosampson February 9, 2012, 10:52 pm

        YAY!! So excited it went well. I think the Colo one is coming up. I’m so jealous all the rest of us dw’ers missed out on all the bonding.

      • Addie Pray February 9, 2012, 11:01 pm

        (Kidding, btw, no one got drunk or over shared – appropriate levels of drinking and sharing were had. I know, not at all the scandalous report that you (or I) had been hoping for.)

      • MaterialsGirl February 10, 2012, 9:03 am

        Great meeting all of you ladies!

  • jlyfsh February 8, 2012, 5:19 pm

    hope everything is ok and i’ll be looking forward to your new letters when you come back! πŸ™‚

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  • Taylor February 8, 2012, 5:22 pm

    Have a good time out Wendy! I hope you get to have some you time =)

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  • silver_dragon_girl February 8, 2012, 5:24 pm

    I hope you’re taking a real vacation, and aren’t just swamped with other things or “real life!” Enjoy the break πŸ™‚

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  • Ktfran February 8, 2012, 5:30 pm

    Crap sandwich. What am I going to do during this super slow work week?

    No seriously, enjoy your time out!

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  • Iwannatalktosampson February 8, 2012, 5:31 pm

    I hope this isn’t because of the whiny little 80’s babies getting all offended about totally sociologically based generalizations. (This is not my way of restarting the convo everyone!, I just really hope you’re not offended Wendy).

    I also hope everything is okay with you, Drew, and Baby Jackson.

    But no worries we can entertain ourselves!

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    • MiMi February 8, 2012, 5:41 pm

      I hope so too.

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    • katie February 8, 2012, 8:33 pm

      exactly what i thought…

      remember to breath wendy! a very smart lady told me that…

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      • MELH February 9, 2012, 12:01 pm

        I hope so too!

    • Addie Pray February 9, 2012, 1:38 pm

      I really really want to blame you Notebook-loving 80s babies on this… πŸ˜‰

      But I highly doubt Wendy would let yous guys get to her. If anything, you probably make her laugh.

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      • Painted_lady February 9, 2012, 2:00 pm

        Heyheyhey, what’s this Notebook business??? Call me entitled, call me self-centered, but don’t EVER accuse me of liking that awful movie/book! I draw the line there!

        Actually, as far as all this generation-gap thing goes, I’m not sure where I fall. But still, Notebook? GROSS!

      • lets_be_honest February 9, 2012, 2:48 pm

        You’ve obviously never seen the movie. I feel sorry for you. I really do.

      • Addie Pray February 9, 2012, 4:45 pm

        Thank you, Painted_lady, for having good taste! πŸ˜‰

      • painted_lady February 9, 2012, 10:12 pm

        Why thank you! That and Titanic vie for my least favorite movies of all time.

  • EmmieEm February 8, 2012, 5:36 pm

    Hope all is well and that this is the good kind of time off! πŸ™‚

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  • Lili February 8, 2012, 5:38 pm

    Hope you enjoy your time off!

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    • Lili February 8, 2012, 5:44 pm

      BTW I just wanted to thank you again Wendy for your consistently solid advice. Sometimes it takes a while to catch up to it, but I always feel like I learn something after reading your columns/letters.

      I’ve bookmarked How do you MOA and read it frequently. Like maybe once a week during rough spells. It helps me every time.

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      • Shell February 9, 2012, 9:21 am

        Lili, could you post that bookmark? I could use that reminder also – Thanks!

      • Lili February 9, 2012, 12:12 pm

        Hope it helps you as much as it has me πŸ™‚

  • L February 8, 2012, 5:44 pm

    Enjoy your time off, Wendy! You work hard and DEFINITELY deserve the vacation time. πŸ™‚

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  • Jubietta February 8, 2012, 5:55 pm

    And that’s how A Class Act takes care of herself while simultaneously taking care of us, too. Be well ginger-haired Mama!

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  • landygirl07 February 8, 2012, 6:21 pm

    Enjoy your time off.

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  • MELH February 8, 2012, 6:56 pm

    Hope everything is ok! We’ll miss you but you deserve the break!

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  • Trixy Minx February 8, 2012, 7:17 pm

    Have a good time! I don’t know what I’m going to do without this addicting site to keep me busy.

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  • LANY February 8, 2012, 7:19 pm

    what will I do without my (multi) daily Wendy fix?!? Have a great break, look forward to your return!

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  • Addie Pray February 8, 2012, 9:00 pm

    Oh thank god. I have got to – FOR THE LOVE OF GOD – get some work done. Having said that, I hope the hiatus is not due to something sad, Wendy.

    People, remind me that I need to confide in you regarding: (1) Young Balls (ie, my young friend that I have feelings for and want to tell him; (2) Engaged Balls (ie, my engaged friend that I also have feelings for – ugh, there is not way to present this story in a positive way – don’t fret, nothing is happening; and (3) that’s it, but 3 things seemed better than 2 things.

    P.S. For those who care: Today was Day 39 in a row of Bikram yoga. I am a machine.

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    • Iwannatalktosampson February 8, 2012, 9:03 pm

      I forbid you to talk about it unless you are going to share all the spiritual awakenings you have experienced because of it. Or at least how much weight you have lost. Or at least how much firmer your muscles have gotten. Okay now I’m all hot and bothered. But really. I want someone to talk me into doing it. I will have all this magical free time in March and I want to do it, but I need to be convinced and get pumped up for it!

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      • Addie Pray February 8, 2012, 9:08 pm

        I lost 10 pounds in January. (I then gained 5 pounds back in Mexico.) I am more flexible than ever. I can put my feet over my head. I can do the splits this way and that way. And I can curl myself into a shoe box. (That last part was a lie, but you know what I mean.) My skin is looking smooth as a baby’s butt. My hair – eh – that’s not going so well – it’s dry. I sleep solidly. I stress less. …. It’s all good. But it does get me hot and bothered. (Let’s try to use “hot and bothered” in every post.)

      • Iwannatalktosampson February 8, 2012, 9:13 pm

        Ah this is what I needed to know. I have gained ten pounds studying for the bar. I am literally eating my stress. So the second I take it I need to relax, lose some weight, firm up, and start sleeping better. Okay good. I’m going to do it. I swear. Maybe I can buy some new tank tops for the adventure? Like a present to myself for considering it? And then maybe a new one every week I don’t skip a day? Too much?

        Yoga in general kind of makes me hot and bothered. There are a bunch of scantily clad women doing insanely flexible things with sweat all over them (the healthy sexy kind) and then the occasional ripped guy doing it – and you find yourself imagining everything about him – like he’s doing yoga – he’s probably really sensitve – holy crap look at his six pack – maybe if I do yoga i’ll get a six pack.

        Alright i’m really doing this. You are my thinspiration. It can be my march new years resolution.

      • Addie Pray February 8, 2012, 9:18 pm

        Well, let me warn you: the sweat in hot yoga is not the “oh, this is sexy ‘hot and bothered’ sweat.” no, it’s disgusting. like, completely disgusting sweat. the kind of sweat that actual part-sweat and part-snot. It’s a coat of gooey sweat all over your body. And sweat is dripping from your forehead like someone left a faucet on. A faucet of gooey sweet. Oh, and it’s stinky. Bikram produces a very distinct, distgusting smell that is unmistakenly Bikram. And it stinks. Real bad. And there is NOTHING hot about the guy doing it with you. Because he is making foul noies. He’s coughing and spitting up stuff and being obnoxious because his insides are trying to come outside. And you don’t want to see or hear that. But you have to, for 90 minutes, because you’re stuck there.

        It’s not sexy.

      • Addie Pray February 8, 2012, 9:24 pm

        But: It’s all good. Because in those 90 minutes, you work your whole body from toes to head. It’s strengh, flexibility, and cardio rolled into one sweaty 90-minute workout. I recommend it. But last night’s class and this morning’s class almost killed me. I cam *this close* to passing out. Coconut water saved me though.

      • Lili February 9, 2012, 4:25 pm

        After reading all this and a rough week I’m thinking of going tonight. So coconut water got it.

        I’m already nervous about the sweat/grossness aspect of it because I had chinese food for lunch. Oy vey.

        BTW what do you suggest I wear for the first time?

      • Addie Pray February 9, 2012, 4:30 pm

        Definitely take coconut water with you (in addition to regular water). Just in case you feel faint.

        Wear tight clothes for sure. No loose fitting clothes – you’ll regret that. Spandex shorts and either just a sports bra or a tight tank top. And no jewelry. Oh, and take a little handcloth in with you (in addition to your mat and towel) – you’ll love having it so you can wipe the sweat from your eyes. (Just ignore them when they yell at you for that – that’s what I do.)

        And let me know what you think!!

      • Iwannatalktosampson February 9, 2012, 4:36 pm

        Check out lululemon.com. I am obsessed. Their tank tops are perfect for hot yoga. Sweating doesn’t destroy or really affect the fabric at all! Some of them are tight but some have an empire waist that I like too.

      • Lili February 9, 2012, 4:48 pm

        Oh man. I don’t know If I should go then tonight. I don’t own any of those things! Well I have the sports bra, but I don’t ever wear it alone in public. Ever. I ususally wear like a spandex blend yoga pants and a loose t shirt to work out, I will look into the lululemon empire waist stuff thanks for the suggestion Iwanna!

      • bethany February 10, 2012, 9:12 am

        I wear running shorts and a sports bra for class- Works great! I love the little sports bras from Gap Body- they’re perfect for class, and they sell them at the outlet for cheap. Lululemon stuff looks great, but I think their fabrics are way too thick for Bikram and frankly, they’re a rip off.

      • Addie Pray February 10, 2012, 11:54 am

        I agree with Bethany 100% about Lululemon. They look great – but dayum they are wicked expensive.

      • Lili February 10, 2012, 12:33 pm

        @Addie So I ended up just doing regular cardio and running, but I am on the lookout for a nice Bikram outfit and will be going as soon as I put one together πŸ™‚ So do normal spandexy crop pants not work? I am ok with heat and stuff (I lived in AZ after all, and frankly anything below 100 is like spring to me)

        Thanks for all the tips everyone!

      • Iwannatalktosampson February 10, 2012, 1:04 pm

        I wear full length spandex-y pants and i’m fine as long as I have a tank top. And I don’t like super tight tank tops, I kind of like them to be tight around the boobage area but then like fitted but not clinging around the middle area, I just find I get too distracted if it’s too tight. But a lot of people just wear volleyball shorts and sports bras. I call these people “in shape”. Or confident, haha. I just can’t wear that little becasue then i’m too self conscious about things like camel toes and love handles, but that’s just me. So I guess if heat isn’t an issue you can wear the spandexy crops, just know that whatever you wear you will leave drenched. Like one day I went in white crop work out pants. I don’t think I need to paint that mental picture for you, but just know I was hella thankful that was a girls only class that day.

      • Lili February 10, 2012, 1:14 pm

        Thanks Iwannatalktosampson! That is just want I needed to hear plus I SO AGREE about the ‘in shape’ people haha. I don’t mind being gross and sweaty when I leave (although I am 100% positive that after my first class will be the day I run into my ex) so tank top and pants it is. I got paid today and after a rough week i think I deserve me some lululemon! But I may have to charge it…don’t judge me too harshly people!!! *ducks*

      • Iwannatalktosampson February 10, 2012, 1:19 pm

        Haha yeah my mom gets me some pants and a tank top or top from there for every single birthday and has for the last like 7 years so I rarely actually have to buy it myself which helps. And I’m not kidding they last FOREVER. I have a pair of pants (my first pair – such a great memory) that I got when I was 16 (now 24) and they are just as spandex-y. So I consider it an investment πŸ™‚ Plus I am kind of weird and if i’m comfortable in what i’m working out I’m way more likely to go. (I also might have to match my work out clothes – but that’s too embarrassing to admit so shhhh).

      • Lili February 10, 2012, 1:27 pm

        I have a lululemon bra that i bought with a giftcard from above mentioned ex and I LOVE that thing. LOVE. capital letters, he also bought me my fav nike running shoes but i only like them because they are pink, and decently supporting.And OMG It never occurred to me til I typed it out how that sneaky bastard kept gifting me workout related stuff the last year. That POS. Well, it outlasted him so I guess I can’t be too mad. But still.
        I’ve always drooled over the lululemon pants and tanks, but never had the guts to just go on and buy them. I will now, and consider it a vday gift to myself, and my <3…(fine that was cheesy, but sentiment remains…) Most of my workout stuff is old navy shirts and gap yoga pants/sweats. I totally agree on being coordinated when going to the gym. Mainly because I have two 'exish' men that also go to my gym. I need to stop that and branch out, or move.

      • painted_lady February 9, 2012, 10:22 pm

        Re: not-hot guys next to you in yoga, when I was going regularly last year, there was this guy with a creepy rat-tail, clingy knit shorts, and no underwear. He was inevitably the last guy in, always sat by me, and made these really creepy moaning noises when he exhaled. It was horrifying!

      • bethany February 9, 2012, 9:05 am

        There are a lot of hot guys in my Bikram class (especially my teacher!), but they get their sweat everywhere. It’s gross.

      • Addie Pray February 8, 2012, 9:13 pm

        p.s. Are you really *still* commenting on the It’s a Generational Thing? Don’t think I can’t see you on the side bar. That was sooooo 10 hours ago.

      • Iwannatalktosampson February 8, 2012, 9:33 pm

        Well I was – but MissDre and I were commenting about how neat we think eachother is. So it wasn’t actually about the thread, more about our mutual awesomeness.

        But I do appreciate the vacation DW’ers are going to be taking. I need to get some stuff done the next couple days, haha.

      • MissDre February 9, 2012, 7:18 am

        Work? Pfft. You know we’re all going to be checking back to see who commented on what!

    • ReginaRey February 9, 2012, 8:09 am

      I promise I’m not ignoring your email about this…just super busy at work. But don’t think you can get away with NOT hearing from me about this!

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      • Addie Pray February 9, 2012, 9:47 am

        I’m scared to hear what you say. Also, Engaged Balls emailed again.

    • bethany February 9, 2012, 9:03 am

      Great job Addie! Were you able to practice while on vacation??

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      • Addie Pray February 9, 2012, 9:55 am

        I was able to practice in Mexico everyday, Bethany! But it wasn’t quite the same. Before I left I bought Bikram’s class on cd and downloaded it to my iPod. I also bought some cheap portable speakers. I was able to do it in the am on my balcony – which was the perfect size and right in the sun. Obviously iy wasn’t quite the same with all that sweat. But the owner of my studio said it counts – so I’m counting it toward my 60 days. (Today was day 40.). Maybe I’ll go 66 days to make up for those 6 “easier” days in Mexico. But I will say: without the sweat, it made Standing Bow harder, but other poses like Standing Head to Knee easier.

        P.S. After class this am I thought a McDonald’s breakfast would be a good idea. Now, on this jerky bus, I’m really regretting that. Oy.

      • CottonTheCuteDog February 9, 2012, 10:14 am

        What made you start Bikram?

      • Addie Pray February 9, 2012, 10:25 am

        Mostly to lose weight. … But also, sadly, it’s, like, the ONLY thing I can do that is hard, builds strength and flexibility and includes cardio. (I can’t run, jump around, or pivot, which means I can’t do most sports, because of a bad knee.) But now, it’s not just the weight loss that’s motivating me; Bikram helps me sleep and makes me feel good about myself and handle stress better. Plus, I use the 90 minutes of class to think – think about work, what I want, what I don’t want, think about relationships, how I handled things, how I want to handle things, etc.

      • bethany February 9, 2012, 10:24 am

        I didn’t know you could get Bikram’s class on CD!! I want to do that for when I travel!

      • Addie Pray February 9, 2012, 10:26 am

        It’s actually Bikram himself who teaches the class too! (Side note: he’s funny but kind of an ass. “Sweetheart, I said grab your ankle; don’t you know what your ankle is?” — If my instructors talked to me like that, I’d be so annoyed.) I wish I could just click my heals and zip you over the class. I know you can also download all the segments on iTunes.

      • Addie Pray February 9, 2012, 10:48 am

        Wait, there probably is a way for me to click my heals and zip the class to you. … But I don’t know how to do fancy things on the computer.

      • bethany February 9, 2012, 11:30 am

        I’ve heard he can be kind of harsh sometimes. But lets face it, sometimes we need a little harshness to get us in line! I’ve hear he’ll hold you in floor bow or full locust for like 2 minutes sometimes too… Or make you do a dreaded 3rd set! I wish we could take class together! If I ever visit Chicago, we will have to work something out. I will check it out on itunes!

      • Addie Pray February 9, 2012, 11:47 am

        If you ever come to Chicago, you must let me know!

      • Lili February 9, 2012, 12:58 pm

        I have a cousin in Chicago I’m planning to visit this year-once $ and time off align. And you are the second person I really wanna meet when I come visit!

  • LolaBeans February 8, 2012, 9:28 pm

    Hope everything is ok Wendy!

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  • GatorGirl February 8, 2012, 9:52 pm

    I hope everything is ok Wendy! Take as much time as you need! You will be missed!

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  • Hannanas February 9, 2012, 2:51 am

    Take as long as you need, I hope everything’s ok. I certainly hope it’s not because of that heated argument.
    Remember: you’re swell πŸ™‚

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  • MissDre February 9, 2012, 7:19 am

    Wendy, tickle those cats and that cute baby for me! We’ll miss you!

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  • honeybeenicki February 9, 2012, 8:04 am

    Hope everything is ok. Don’t worry, we’ll all be here when you get back πŸ™‚ We are quite good at entertaining ourselves.

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  • bethany February 9, 2012, 9:06 am

    Wendy- Take as much time as you need- We’ll all be here when you get back! Well, maybe not the trolls… Hopefully they have moved on!

    I hope everything is ok with you and your family!


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    • CottonTheCuteDog February 9, 2012, 10:13 am

      YES! I think a few days without posting will get the stupid people to leave and get bored. Then we will be back to the tried and true Wendy fans!

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  • Jess of CGW February 9, 2012, 9:20 am

    Hope you and Drew and Baby Jackson enjoy some time together. *hugs*

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  • lets_be_honest February 9, 2012, 10:08 am

    I’m not sure if this is a jackable thread, but I wanted to share with you guys why I’m feeling incredibly lucky today…
    Last night, my mom was driving with my 2 young siblings and my little kid on the highway, and got hit from behind by a tractor trailer. Miraculously, they all walked away from the accident just a little scared, banged up and bruised. Wear your seatbelts!

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    • jlyfsh February 9, 2012, 10:11 am

      Oh my gosh that had to be terrifying! Glad they are all ok!!

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    • Eljay February 9, 2012, 10:39 am

      OMG lbh, that would have freaked me the eff out! I’d never let my girl outta my sight again! I’m so glad for the happy ending & everyone came out ok. They definitely had an angel on their dashboard. πŸ™‚

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    • Addie Pray February 9, 2012, 10:43 am

      whoa – how lucky! And terrifying!

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    • honeybeenicki February 9, 2012, 11:04 am

      So glad they are ok! I bet you are feeling lucky after that. This is why I always wear my seatbelt. When I was a teenager I was a passenger and didn’t have a seatbelt on in an accident and screwed up my knee for life.

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    • JK February 9, 2012, 11:22 am

      Holy crap, glad theyΒ΄re all ok!!!

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    • cookiesandcream February 9, 2012, 12:04 pm

      Glad to hear everyone is okay! I’ll be sure to be more diligent about wearing a seat belt from now on!

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    • Lili February 9, 2012, 12:15 pm

      Glad they are all OK! Thats so scary to imagine!

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    • lets_be_honest February 9, 2012, 2:49 pm

      thanks guys!

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  • lets_be_honest February 9, 2012, 10:09 am

    I hope you enjoy your time off! Its well-deserved after over a year of posting every day. Hope all is well.

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  • cookiesandcream February 9, 2012, 12:06 pm

    Enjoy your well-deserved time off! Frankly, I was amazed at how well you were able to keep up with the site and upload posts even when you were on maternity leave and celebrating the holidays! Can’t wait for your return! πŸ™‚

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    • Wendy February 9, 2012, 12:48 pm

      Thank you. I actually would not recommend doing what I did. I really didn’t take any kind of maternity leave, despite having guest columnists help out. I worked myself crazy keeping up with this site and taking care of a newborn on little to no sleep for several months and now I am utterly and completely burned out and not sure I want to continue doing what I have been doing. I am unhappy. I’d say I’m actually very depressed and I only wish I wouldn’t have pushed myself so hard for so long because now I can’t seem to muster the energy the fight off these feelings of despair.

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      • iseeshiny February 9, 2012, 12:54 pm

        Your happiness in what you do is the most important thing. Far more important than this website.

      • AKchic February 9, 2012, 12:56 pm

        You need to take a BREAK. Seriously. Having suffered through PPD for all four of my kids, its not something you should be shrugging off or hoping that it will all go away on its own.

        Get some help with the house and Jackson, and take some time for yourself. A long time ago, women had support networks and had HELP. Now, everyone tries to do everything on their own to prove they are June freakin’ Cleaver, but even SHE had help during the first year of life for each of her kids. It was TRADITION.

        We can cope a few days (or weeks) without you. Your sanity comes first. You need to be in tip top mental health to cope with your family first, then your business. Us minions come a distant 4th on the list.

      • Rachel February 9, 2012, 1:03 pm

        πŸ™ So sorry you’re having a hard time. I hope you don’t quit because we would all miss you terribly, but you need to do what’s best for you and your family first.

      • JK February 9, 2012, 1:03 pm

        Wendy,you know that weΒ΄ve got your back for anything you need (well, mostly support, because of the distances). The first months of being a mother are so tough itΒ΄s not funny, and working the way you have is way too much pressure to put on yourself.
        Take all the time you need, IΒ΄m guessing you have everyoneΒ΄s emails if you want support/advice from anyone in particular, you know there are several mums on here!!!
        Start taking care of yourself, go on long walks with Jackson (weather permitting), nap with him, enjoy being a mum!!!!
        And donΒ΄t worry about me, IΒ΄m off on holiday next week until the 23rd. πŸ™‚

      • MELH February 9, 2012, 1:11 pm

        Aw, Wendy I feel so bad that you feel like this! Take as much time as you need! I think its great that you run this site and give such great advice to people who need it, but you have to put your health and happiness first, and we want you to do that!

      • Addie Pray February 9, 2012, 1:16 pm

        Oh man, I don’t like this one bit. I’m really sorry, Wendy. And you’re so responsive and helpful to me! How can I help you? How can we help? Besides not bitching about no posts for awhile.

      • bethany February 9, 2012, 1:34 pm

        I wish there was a way we could all go over and take turns babysitting/doing housework so Wendy could get rest!!

      • Addie Pray February 9, 2012, 1:36 pm

        I love housecleaning – so I’d take that job. But I also like playing with babies. I could play with Jackson until he starts crying or needing something and then I could pass him to you and go clean.

      • Iwannatalktosampson February 9, 2012, 2:26 pm

        I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way Wendy! In case I don’t thank you enough, I love what you have created here. And I’ve said it before but i’ll say it again – don’t feel about about the number of postings. Do NOT let it stress you. If you just had an open thread everyday called, hey it’s Wednesday, what’s on your mind? That would be fine. You don’t even need to do that now that we have the forums.

        Take care of yourself. If you need to see a doctor about depressing (I don’t know if it’s post partum or just general life stress) seriously do it. I’ve advocated it before but you need to do whatever you can to feel okay. Life shouldn’t be stressful 24/7, and if it is you need to let something go. Whether it’s every night when Drew gets home you leave for 4 hours and go work out or go eat ice cream by yourself in a cafe or go get a massage, seriously do it. I feel so bad that you don’t have more family around that can help you out. With the mom group your in maybe y’all could swap out full days of alone time. And i’m not saying this so that you then spend that day posting things, but so that you spend that day doing nothing!

        We will all be fine, and if we don’t hear from you for two weeks that’s fine too. We can entertain ourselves on the forums and frankly I need to get some studying done. But I feel really bad that you are stressed out. Is there anyway you could even pass off the administration of the site to someone else? I know some commenters here are tech savvy, maybe RR could fill in for a while and some tech savvy person could do the actual posting so that you are doing absolutely nothing. But I know when I am feeling the way you are sometimes even using energy to think about how to solve the problem is overwhelming, and if that’s the case don’t even worry about it.

        Get better and we’ll catch up with you in 2-3 weeks!

      • Painted_lady February 9, 2012, 2:27 pm

        As my boyfriend told me the other night (the night he tried to join me in the shower while I was excited at the 20 minutes of pure, uninterrupted alone time and I dissolved into tears), “You don’t have to be Wonder Woman all the time. You already are 90% of the time, so cut yourself some slack.”

        I’m so sorry you’re unhappy. I know I’ve said this before, but it’s still true – I just get worried when you don’t post like normal. The first time you didn’t post on a weekday without saying something first was when you ended up in the hospital, so the first time posts started showing up later than they normally do, I just worried something was up. And your posts have seemed…unhappier than usual, I guess. As good as they always are, but in a totally non-stalker way, I just worried about you.

        Please take care of yourself. You’re not weak or ungrateful or a bad mother for needing help, whether physical, emotional, or otherwise. You’re stronger for knowing when you need it. And we will be here when you come back, if you decide that’s the right thing to do. Which may or may not be a good thing πŸ˜‰

        If I may speak for the other commenters, despite the ridiculously up-in-arms nature of some of our more heated discussions, this site is such a great place to come. That’s not to put any pressure on you, but rather to let you know what you’re doing does make a difference. I’ve learned so much from you and from everyone on here. Even if the site were to dissolve tomorrow, as ridiculously sad as I would be, I’ve had so much fun hashing out the way other people think. So, for what it’s worth, thank you!

      • MissDre February 9, 2012, 2:27 pm

        Get well Wendy! As others have said, your healthy and well-being is the very most important thing. See your doctor, get an anti-depressant, get help with a housekeeper, surround yourself with the people who love you! Whatever you need, give it to yourself and don’t feel guilty! We are wishing you all the best Wendy!!

      • CottonTheCuteDog February 9, 2012, 2:36 pm

        I hope you feel better soon Wendy.

        This site is really wonderful. You have been able to keep it up with 3 posts a day for a year now and not once did you make us comment or share you on facebook to get you more readers (I appreciate that!). The readers here are unique, intelligent and funny. We are a small group but a good group of empowering women and men in this world all reading because we love your advice. We also love hearing other people’s problems. It’s good to make us all realize that life isn’t so bad for us afterall. Ever since I started reading you I know to speak up for myself, ask for what I want and move on if I’m unhappy.

        There is no other blog like this. Blogs these days have so many other websites within the blog. They have way more contributers. And the owner of the blog maybe makes 3 posts a week. You could do that Wendy. We’d love the blog all the same.

      • lets_be_honest February 9, 2012, 2:50 pm

        I wish you had a Wendy to turn to for advice on feeling better. I always ask myself WWWD. We’re pullin for you!

      • Lili February 9, 2012, 2:53 pm

        ReginaRay? I seriously think of her as Wendy 2.0.

        BTW I am so not tech savy or anything, but anyone know how to all chip in to buy Wendy a massage or something?!

      • lets_be_honest February 9, 2012, 2:59 pm

        You can donate to Help DW. There’s a link at the top of the page.
        Wendy claims all proceeds go to her tootsie roll fund, but I have my suspicions she could use it for a massage.

      • Lili February 9, 2012, 3:01 pm

        Ah yes thanks LBH! I totally spaced on the Support DW button-for some reason I kept thinking it was the way to become a guest columnist. So not ready for that responsibility…yet πŸ™‚ Maybe some day.

      • Addie Pray February 9, 2012, 3:36 pm

        RR is Wendy 2.0 — So true, Lili! I think RR and Wendy should team up and do a relationship talk show. I’d watch it! Well, I’d DVR it and then delete it if space got so full that I risked not being able to record new Mad Men and Sister Wives episodes.

      • Lili February 9, 2012, 4:15 pm

        I would watch it on HULU πŸ™‚ Or youtube. On youtube Miles can be the DW kitty mascot. I mean its youtube protocol that on every vlog ever recorded it is required to have one feline doing cute things.

      • FireStar February 9, 2012, 3:14 pm

        Oh honey. We all know what it is to be overwhelmed – a new business venture and a baby plus being a wife and everything else you are to all the people in your life? Girl – relax. Take a moment for you. And then take another one. Leave Jackson with Drew or a friend and steal away to a spa for the day. Turn off all computers and read Jackson a story. Do what ever you need to do to recharge your batteries – no one can go full steam ahead for any extended period of time without a break. We ALL need time to ourselves to relax every so often. And the longer we go without taking those moments for ourselves the more desperately we need that kind of down to the bone type of relaxation. If you think there are some meds that can help take the edge of anxiety off then see your doctor about that. For today maybe start with the fluffiest blanket you own and an appropriately spiked cup of coffee… with some whip cream on top. We are all wishing you health and happiness. And when you are ready to come back? We’ll all be here.

      • GatorGirl February 9, 2012, 3:46 pm

        Take the time you need Wendy. We all appreciate everything you’ve shared with us and only want the best for you and your family. Take a week or a month or 6 months or forever…get yourself happy and healthy again!

      • Marta February 9, 2012, 6:11 pm

        I tiptoed dangerously close to PPD. I was happier even in the early, waking-every-two-hour days than I was around months 4, 5, and 6. The baby stopped sleeping. My husband and I were starting a new company (great timing, us). And my brother, the recovering addict, was living with us, getting a fresh start. I thought I could handle it… hey, how hard could it be? I sailed through pregnancy. I felt confident as a new mom as the oldest of five kids. I thought I had it all under control.

        Nope. It was all too much.

        One day, I said to my husband, “I’m tired of feeling like a mental patient,” and I Googled PPD symptoms. Check, check and check. Looking at the Mayo Clinic’s list, I was unnerved seeing how many things lined up. I hadn’t even realized just how unhappy I was.

        Luckily at the same time, my brother left (we actually had to kick him out as he was using again sadly), my duties in the company eased up, and the baby started sleeping again (I think maybe as a result of my brother leaving – babies can sense stress and such… also he was noisy). For me, just seeing “hey I think I pushed myself into PPD territory” allowed me to cut myself some slack and start focusing on my well-being.

        All this to say: take care of yourself, Wendy. And don’t hesitate to ask for help. It’s the strongest choice you can make.

      • Wendy February 9, 2012, 6:57 pm

        Did you take any medications or go to therapy? Or was it just making healthier lifestyle choices for you that helped? I’m calling my obgyn tomorrow to talk about what’s going on. I felt pretty fine from about 6 weeks postpartum until about two weeks ago. I didn’t realize PPD was something that could emerge months after childbirth. I just figured since I was feeling ok (until two weeks ago) then I was in the clear. Then I Googled PPD yesterday and learned that for some women it can come on several months postpartum. And I do seem to have many (not all) of the symptoms. I feel lucky that I still feel bonded to Jackson and want to care for him and protect him, but this dark despair is a new place for me and it’s very uncomfortable. I’m hoping taking some pressure of myself and resting as much as I can will help, but I am open to other things if that isn’t enough.

      • Wendy February 9, 2012, 7:13 pm

        I should also point out (for anyone who might read this and be in a similar boat) that I have thyroid disease and the symptoms for that are very similar to PPD. I had labs done today to make sure I’m taking the right dosage of medication for my hashimotos disease.

      • WatersEdge February 9, 2012, 8:03 pm

        Please look for my email.

      • LolaBeans February 9, 2012, 8:37 pm


        take a true maternity leave and care for yourself during this time, it’s important! don’t worry about the site right now.

      • blarfengar February 9, 2012, 10:34 pm

        I have a friend dealing with depression related issues due to thyroid disease, and while I’ve never had a child, I battled depression for 8 months a few years ago. It’s a difficult thing to go through. Know that we all love you, Wendy, and I can speak for myself saying that though I don’t really comment much, I frequently read and I will definitely check back on the site and keep it part of my routine even if you take a few months off to take care of you.

      • anonymous February 9, 2012, 11:01 pm

        Hi Wendy,

        I went to a support group that helped me tremendously. I know you mentioned your husband does many of the night feedings but being having disrupted sleep (from just the noise) can contribute significantly to PPD. I’m sorry to hear you are in a dark place. I wish you some light.

      • Marta February 10, 2012, 1:18 am

        At the apotheosis of my despair (and despair really is the right word), circumstances luckily, coincidentally, fortunately all changed for the better – that coupled with reaching out to my dear friend who is also a mom and actually saying “I think this is PPD,” helped things start to improve for me. Also, somehow just realizing that my feelings of despair were bigger than me helped me start to feel better, if that makes any sense. If life hadn’t magically offloaded some of the major stresses as it did, I know I absolutely would have been in my OB’s office. I was a closed office away from making that appt. one night.

        Early on I remember thinking I was safely out of the danger zone but months later I really did start to feel unhinged. Things were just suddenly joyless and then it graduated into a kind of soul-crushing hopelessness with which I was neither familiar nor comfortable.

        In the first week postpartum, every day just about, around 4PM, I would just feel this strange dread creeping in. Looking back, it was just the hormonal crash (and perhaps sleep deprivation brought on by my 30 hour labor!) and those “baby blues” left quickly, much to my relief. Once I was even crying, by the clock, right at 4PM, and I said to my husband through tears, “I’m not even sad. I just have to cry.” It was almost funny and then it left and I thought I was in the clear.

        I, like you, never slowed down. I don’t even think I napped in that first week. I was mopping the floor on my hands and knees the morning after we came home. We welcomed guest after guest after guest. We never just chilled out. In addition to everything else, three weeks postpartum, we flew from CA to Mississippi for my sister’s wedding (which I was in, of course) ! The following month – CA to Iowa to visit the husband’s family (even though his parents came to visit the first week AND DID NOTHING TO HELP OUT… don’t get me started). Then at three months old, we went to upstate NY to have the baby baptized. And the day after we got home from that (lost luggage and all), we welcomed my recovering addict brother into our home (a mere 1000 sq ft).

        I should stop with the ridiculous laundry list except to emphasize my newly learned point: people should slow the hell down when they have a newborn! I mean, really. Take a minute. It’s the proper design of things. That’s why grandmothers exist from an evolutionary standpoint, I think. Living long beyond biologically useful years? It’s to help out! Unfortunately all my grandmotherly help is far away… (I think you have a grandmother shortage though too? Sheesh. Where’s that damned village it takes?)

        Hang in there. I hope that stepping back and looking at it starts to help you feel better like it did for me. Taking pressure off was key for me. I’m glad you’re taking a break. You’ll be in my thoughts! Hope it gets better very soon!

      • Marta February 10, 2012, 1:31 am

        I should have edited that more. Too long. Yikes.

      • Wendy February 10, 2012, 2:04 am

        Thank you, this really helps. I’m glad everything worked out for you! I already feel better just voicing what I am feeling, but I know the next step is to seek professional help. And to slow down. I wish I would have slowed down earlier, but it wasn’t in my nature to I guess and I think after a traumatizing third trimester (including two scary hospitalizations) and intense labor, my way of coping with everything was to keep busy, busy, busy. I went for a 2 1/2 mile walk days after giving birth and I would have gone for a run if my postpartum doula didn’t warn me that that was a good way to bleed out (something I hadn’t considered). People were coming over to see the new baby and I was cooking dinner for them. I never napped. I worked instead of slept whenever I had a spare minute. And maybe I’ve been depressed for a while and didn’t even notice it because I did such a good job making myself busy so I wouldn’t have to deal with my emotions so much. I don’t know.

        Anyway, thank you, everyone, for your concern and you kind comments and emails (and donations!). Know that I am going to get help. And I’m going to slow down. I don’t know yet what that means for this site, but I’m sure everyone will be just fine without me for a little bit!

        Oh, and Jackson is great (as are Miles and Simone!). He is so loved and well cared-for and a top priority. I don’t want to give the impression that he’s been neglected or not treated well. He is a very happy baby! And hopefully very soon he will have an equally happy mama.

      • fast eddie February 11, 2012, 7:01 pm

        ALERT to visitors coming to meet a new born.
        1. Call ahead.
        2. Bring dinner with you if it goes to meal time.
        3. Offer to infant sit while the new mom takes a nap or gets her nails & hair done.
        4. Do NOT offer unsolicited advise.
        5. Leave early, mama’s need all the rest they can scrounge.

      • DramaQueen224 February 12, 2012, 12:55 am

        Wendy, please do talk to your doctor about medications. I know a lot of people don’t like the idea of antidepressants and I’m a huge fan of encouraging exercise and counseling if that’s all they’re are comfortable with. However, PPD is clearly hormonally/chemically related and antidepressants can really help balance those out.

      • amber February 9, 2012, 8:56 pm

        we’ll miss you but i hope that you enjoy this break and you can figure out a plan for dealing with everything going on. i’ll be sending you and your family lots of positive vibes and prayers πŸ™‚ i know your loyal readers will be here keeping the message boards busy waiting for your return!

      • katie February 9, 2012, 9:11 pm

        wendy, this site wouldnt be what it is without you. and now that the you isnt the you that you want to be, or used to be, please take the time you need to get back on track!

        we will be here when you get back. i know i can speak for everyone here when i say that we care much more about you being happy and healthy before we want you to be supermom-relationship columnist of the year, who can post 10 letters a day while taking perfect care of Jackson in a single bound!

        it will be ok. just remember to breath.

  • FireStar February 9, 2012, 3:10 pm

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  • sailorbabe February 9, 2012, 4:19 pm

    Take care, Wendy!!

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  • Robin February 9, 2012, 4:52 pm

    I am thinking of you, Jackson and Drew. I hope you can rest up and enjoy your family. Come back if and when you feel ready. This should be a fun thing to do not something that is overwhelming. Even consider limiting posts to one a day for a while or taking a longer break. Your readership supports you in whatever you decide. I agree with Firestar….pamper yourself. Get some quality sleep. πŸ™‚ We’ll be thinking of you and sending all the positive thoughts we can muster.

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  • Meredith February 9, 2012, 9:57 pm

    Take care of yourself. It’s very normal for PPD to present itself several months after the baby’s born. I’m glad you’re going to the dr. Reading your last 2 baby posts set off alarm bells in my head, but I didn’t want to be presumptuous and say anything. Sending positive thoughts your way.

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  • Moneypenny February 9, 2012, 10:26 pm

    Best wishes for a relaxing and recharging break! I have no doubt that we loyal readers will be here when you come back. πŸ™‚

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  • AnotherWendy February 9, 2012, 11:42 pm

    I had a serious bout with depression when my daughter was 18 months. The doctor said that could have been a delayed PPD in a sense. He said some people absorb stress really well, and that is not good because then you crash. It was a scary time for me because I couldn’t understand where these dark, unhappy thoughts were coming from. I went on anti-depressants and went to counseling. Take care of yourself and embrace help. You absolutely will be ok again.

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  • absurdfiction February 10, 2012, 12:46 pm

    Wendy, I haven’t commented in months, but I visit your site almost every day. Just wanted to chime in with my support too. I’m sure I’m speaking for plenty of your other “silent readers” as well — just because we don’t comment doesn’t mean we don’t care! You’ve done an amazing job keeping this site running, to the extent that I often find myself wondering if you are in fact a robot, or had one of those trendy fake pregnancies like all the celebrities are having these days. You’ve won a tremendous fanbase through your hard work and great advice, so rest assured we are not going anywhere. Take all the time you need. Be well. <3

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  • Mandanoa February 10, 2012, 3:19 pm

    Hope everything is ok and you enjoy some free time.

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  • Skyblossom February 10, 2012, 5:25 pm

    Sorry to hear that things have been so rough for you. You’re both a stay-at-home mom and at the same time a working mom and that is a huge undertaking. I’m glad to hear that you’re doing what you need to do for yourself before worrying about the site. It’ll be here and we’ll all be here with it when and if you’re ready to come back. Most advice columnists don’t post even once per day let alone three time each day so I think you can feel quite comfortable cutting yourself some slack. Please don’t feel that you have to sit down and work on this site until you’re ready to do so. When you feel excited or happy to give it a go is when it’s time to be back at it. I think if you feel pressured to get more done you’ll continue to feel stressed. I promise to be patient and I’m sure the rest of the DW family feels the same.

    I hope that people begin to appreciate that stay-at-home moms work hard for no money and don’t just spend their days baking cookies because they have nothing better to do. We need a full appreciation for the contributions that all types of people make to society. Stay-at-home dads get treated even worse.

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  • mandalee February 10, 2012, 5:31 pm

    Sorry to hear you aren’t feeling great, Wendy, but please know we’re all thinking about you! I worked in a daycare and preschool throughout college, and saw a lot of moms struggle to keep up that “superwoman” speed we have somehow started to require of new moms. I was a nanny for a newborn years back and the mom went right back to her 12+ hour days well before her doctor wanted her to and tried to be supermom at the same time. She was stressed for months before I found her crying her eyes out in her closet one morning. She was suffering from delayed PPD and with her doctors help, began to feel better.

    Take some time for yourself and figure things out. We’re all routing for you!

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  • XanderTaylor February 11, 2012, 3:50 pm

    Dear Wendy,

    I am proud of you for reaching out & getting help! You rock! Good luck, God Speed.

    Take care,

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  • Jackie February 13, 2012, 2:06 am

    Another lurker here. Just wanted to echo the sentiments above, that we care about you and want you to be well. I’m so relieved to hear you’ll be getting help, and if there’s anything I (or the rest of us) can do, please let me know!

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  • crazyayeaye February 13, 2012, 2:07 pm

    Hang in there, Wendy! We love you!

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