Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Topic of the Day: Has a Pandemic Vacation Hurt Any of Your Relationships?


Annelise Capossela for the New York Times

Earlier this month I did something that, in this pandemic times, could fracture some of my relationships with friends and family and maybe you’ve done the same:

I went on vacation. With another family! We shared a house together and didn’t wear masks. The risk seemed minimal in relation to the benefit it brought for all of us. We rented a car (avoiding public transportation, we stayed in state (only traveling about 80 miles away, we didn’t even need to stop for gas), we spent the entire time at the house and didn’t see anyone outside our group (save for one trip to the grocery store at mid-visit), and we traveled with friends who had been in our little bubble of a handful of families this summer. We had such a great time getting a change of scenery and enjoying the outdoors and lots of extra space than we’re used to that I booked another weekend getaway in October (this time just the four of us). No one in my life gave me any beef about taking this risk, but that hasn’t been the case for many people choosing to vacation during a pandemic.

The Times explored this phenomenon in an article published this week entitled, “The New Pandemic Flash Point: Your Vacation.” In it, the author asks: “What kind of travel, if any, is acceptable? Opinions on what’s OK and what’s not are causing fights between family members and fissures among friends.” One gentleman who runs a travel blog, has traveled from Liverpool to Spain for a vacation, and has been on a handful of other trips within Britain said:

“I’ve been getting criticism in my professional life and from people in my personal life. Some come at it from an ethical point of view and think I shouldn’t be traveling and spreading disease anywhere, and then others come from the emotional ‘you shouldn’t be traveling because you’ll kill my grandma’ point of view.”

Obviously, there are different levels of risks in travel and as many opinions about what risks are ethical and which ones aren’t.

“Some people say that people should only go on essential trips. Others say pleasure trips within driving distance are acceptable. Others, like Mr. Huxley, who is from Liverpool, say traveling is fine, as long as travelers follow rules like washing hands and maintaining a clean environment and keeping distance between themselves and others. The various delineations of what’s right and what’s not are causing fights between family members and creating fissures among friends.”

So, I’m curious: Have you experienced any of these fissures in your own relationships with friends or family? Have you been accused of taking an unethical vacation that wasn’t worth the risk? Have you side-eyed others who have gone on trips you disapproved of? And what do you consider reasonable risks? *Are* there any reasonable risks, in your eyes, during a pandemic like this one?

43 comments… add one
  • avatar

    Ele4phant August 27, 2020, 10:45 am

    Honestly no. When my husband and I rented a cabin, everyone we told said “Good for you, what a good idea!” If anyone took issue they didn’t say anything to me.

    This whole rent a house/cabin/camp somewhere peaceful for a bit has become a popular move with people in my sphere, I know lots of people that have done similarly.

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    • avatar

      Ele4phant August 27, 2020, 11:07 am

      ETA – I’ve only encountered judgy attitudes well…online. I’m sure such people exist around me, but I don’t know about them.

      At this moment among my work/personal sphere there seems to be a consensus that we are in this for the long haul, so we have to figure out a way to make substantial changes to our lifestyle while acknowledging the full on hunkering done this spring isn’t feasible.

      That means everyone that can is working from home, indefinitely.

      People will see friends and family, but only in small groups, outside, and you space out your social get togethers.

      No one I know is dining indoors (even though it is allowed at a limited capacity where I am). Outdoors is borderline but honestly just getting takeout and eating at home far preferred.

      I have not had a drink in bar/restaurant setting since early March. Once to-go cocktails were green light by our state liquor board, what’s the point?

      Nearby getaway vacations where you don’t really interact with anyone seem fine, I don’t really know anyone that’s gotten on a plane unless they have a big reason (like sick family or something).

      I know some parents that have rehired in home help or are sending their kids back to daycare.

      I still try to limit my shopping trips to no more than once a week, but on occasion I’ve lightened up and made extra trips if I forgot something, which I didn’t used to do. I used to just suck it up and google what substitutions could be made.

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  • avatar

    Kate August 27, 2020, 10:59 am

    So, no, I wouldn’t do this right now, but I understand the concern. We opted out (along with another couple) of an annual trip to Martha’s Vineyard. The people who did go, didn’t post a peep about it on social media. If I did go on a trip like that, I wouldn’t post about it. Not that you did, Wendy, if you hadn’t said anything on here, I wouldn’t have known you were on vaca with another family.

    My friend rented an isolated beach house for 2 weeks and was really sad and disappointed that NO one would come down and stay with them even for a day. Her son is suffering a lot from social isolation and really could have used some friends visiting.

    I have no issues with this stuff. I just am not ready to do it.

    What I judge is when I see people posting PARTIES they’re at, with no masks.

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    • avatar

      Kate August 27, 2020, 11:17 am

      Actually, I forgot that we spent a weekend with another couple in July. They were about to have a baby – she was scheduled to be induced 3 days later. We trust them completely. Still, it was to celebrate my husband’s birthday, and not something I would have initiated.

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  • avatar

    golfer.gal August 27, 2020, 11:15 am

    We have done a few small trips – a weekend at a vineyard with private cabins, etc. We cancelled one tropical vacation, but are booked to go to Jamaica in October with another couple in our “bubble”. We booked a resort that is limiting to 50% capacity, have N95 masks for the plane, international health insurance, got a private villa with private pool, and they’re doing room service from all the on site restaurants. We haven’t gotten any shit, per se, but a lot of people expressing doubt we’ll be able to go. Which…I agree with. We got travel insurance and will be carefully evaluating the next several weeks, which i anticipate will be a shit show.

    The real question for us is holiday travel. I miss my family across the country dearly and would like very much to spend Christmas or Thanksgiving with them. But, again, a lot depends on how the next 6 weeks shake out.

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  • avatar

    MaggieB August 27, 2020, 11:17 am

    I was fairly tight-lipped about my vacation in June to stay in a house with my in-laws for a weekend. I told several coworkers (it came up naturally when communicating that I’d be taking time off), and didn’t get any judgment, but not a lot of encouragement either.

    Now that it’s a couple months later, many many people I know are doing the same hole-up-in-a-house vacation thing, including one or two who are flying to do so. In my circle, it feels completely fine and normal to share something like that. It feels pretty clear to me that public opinion around me has drifted.

    I felt somewhat self-conscious about my June visit, but actually, cases in our region were significantly lower than now, so it was an ideal time (insofar as anything can be in this situation) to do it.

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  • Copa

    Copa August 27, 2020, 11:21 am

    For myself, I currently feel fine going on trips within driving distance and with limited company. I went to my home state to see my parents and even set up a COVID test before hitting the road to be as cautious as possible. My boyfriend and I did an overnight in my home state last weekend and it felt fine, though not worth the hassle for just one night.

    My mom is recently-ish divorced, in her late 60s, and spends most of her time alone. My sister and I are trying to arrange a long weekend with her somewhere halfway between us in October, likely near or in a beach town on Michigan’s west coast, a 2-ish hour drive away for all of us. I think the mental health benefits for all of us — but mostly my mom — would outweigh the risks, and I’m happy to set up another COVID test and be a shut-in leading up to the trip and again after.

    I have side-eyed some plans — e.g., a friend of mine is currently planning a getaway to Mexico for the winter — but I haven’t said anything. It seems unnecessary to me and not something I’d be comfortable with right now. When winter comes and it’s dark at 4 p.m. and like 20 below freezing for days on end, I may feel differently about a beach getaway or going anywhere warm, even if it’s a plane ride away.

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    • avatar

      Ele4phant August 27, 2020, 11:36 am

      Honestly, my mom has kind of not been great about all the protocols. And she is high risk – she’s a cancer survivor and, duh, older. She never really stopped going over to her friends’, or having them over.

      BUT – as a cancer survivor, and as someone that’s been dealing with loneliness and depression the last few years following treatment, she feels that her risk of getting COVID is outweighed by her quality of life, right now.

      From her perspective, cancer taught her she’s not guaranteed decades more, so it’s important to enjoy life, right now.

      She’s always been kind of a homebody and I know she’s wearing masks so she’s not out there partying with 200 other people; she’s retired and I do think she’s doing grocery curbside pickup so she’s not really interacting with too many people outside her hangouts, but yeah, as a high risk person she was like f staying at home until there’s a vaccine, if there even is one. Who knows if I’ll live that long and even if I do, don’t think the quality of life I’ll have adhering to strict social isolation is worth it just to make it to the other side.

      I have mixed feelings on what she’s doing, but she’s going to do what she’s going to do and I do understand where she’s coming from.

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  • avatar

    shakeourtree August 27, 2020, 12:23 pm

    I’m getting ready for a beach trip. It’s within driving distance. I had to cancel my extravagant tropical vacation last spring, but it’s now been two years since my last vacation. My job has been very, very demanding of me lately, but things have cooled down a little finally, so it’s time to go. I’m going to take some cleaning supplies with me and will probably clean the place when I get there just for good measure. I have private beach access from my rental, and I’m going during the week to avoid weekend crowds. I’ll probably make one trip to the grocery store to stock up when I get there and will maybe get takeout or delivery a couple of times. I have no desire to interact with anyone else as the whole purpose of this trip is to relax. I’ve got a stack of beach novels waiting to go!

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  • MaterialsGirl

    MaterialsGirl August 27, 2020, 1:13 pm

    we went to a house in rural illinois with my whole inlaw family at the end of June. Everyone had been very cautious leading up to it, adn we went and got tested right before going because we were coming from a higher instance area and felt it would be best practice. We all talked about rules (if any) before going and decided it would be a no social distancing/masking during this time, but no going into town etc.
    It was awesome. i did feel i had to asterisks the trip with a “we got tested before going” which i don’t think i would need to say now later in the summer

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  • avatar

    Vathena August 27, 2020, 1:32 pm

    We are doing a beach rental next week (just me, my husband, and kiddo) and planning to drive nonstop, bring some groceries with us and do a curbside pickup for the rest. The cabin is in a residential neighborhood with beach access restricted to those homes. We’ll probably do some takeout, but otherwise it’s just back and forth from the house to the beach. We’re checking in one day late to allow for a bit of extra “decontamination” time. I only know a few people in my circle who have been on planes this summer – three of them moved internationally/cross-country (international moves were mandatory State Dept. rotations) and one friend visited her mom who’s going through chemo for breast cancer. But some family members flew from CO to FL in June for a vacation, and I side-eyed that real hard. My SIL had a family member fly to Disney World TWICE this summer, including once with another family, because it’s her “happy place” – and THAT I will judge harshly! I wouldn’t fly right now unless it were an emergency family situation. But I think driving-distance vacations where people are making thoughtful choices about distancing and risk are okay.

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    • Copa

      Copa August 27, 2020, 1:48 pm

      Yeah, flying for me is a no-go right now. One of my neighbors has been flying to a fro (Florida, then home to Michigan, then went to Glacier National Park with her boyfriend). I have another friend who had back-to-back bachelorette parties for her and one of her friends, and they went to Yosemite, Yellowstone, and Glacier National Park. And it looked freakin’ amazing! I’m sure it was easy to keep distance once she got there. But boy did it take a lot of flights to get them there. And like I said, maybe I’ll feel so desperate to get away six months from now when it’s bitter cold, constantly grey, and the sun is setting early that I’ll be willing to risk a plane ride — but for now, it’s a hard pass.

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      • Dear Wendy

        Dear Wendy August 27, 2020, 2:08 pm

        I don’t really judge people taking flights, but I personally don’t feel comfortable flying at the moment. I have a lot of travel anxiety under the best circumstances so I know I’d be a panic flying right now, especially with my kids, no thanks. I also think that if everyone who usually flies for vacations were to do so in the same way right now, the airports would be total Petri dishes. I’m thinking of the crowded TSA lines I’ve stood in so many times and the crowded gates waiting and waiting and waiting for delayed flights. they say planes themselves are relatively safe – although on CNN today there’s an article about a woman whose positive covid diagnosis was traced back to an airplane bathroom, weirdly – because the air is constantly recirculated, but the airports are still going to be filled with stagnant air. so safe air travel right now is kind of contingent on it being greatly reduced by the masses, which means those flying are among the very privileged, and not just because they can afford it but simply because so many others choose not to fly (and often in an effort to reduce spread). People who choose to fly right now are able to do so with relative comfort and without travel-related case surges because so many others are choosing not to, which makes their beautiful vacation photos sometimes a little hard to take. Like, I’m not judging people taking flights, but I’m jealous and don’t need to be reminded of what I’m not privileged to do right now, even if I could, theoretically, make the choice to do so. If that makes sense.

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      • avatar

        Vathena August 27, 2020, 2:12 pm

        Meanwhile, my daughter is on FaceTime with my mom RIGHT NOW trying to convince her that she can fly to come and see us (from New Mexico to Virginia, 2 flights) because kiddo can see the planes taking off, so obviously people can get on airplanes again. We haven’t seen my mom since last Christmas. LOLSOB

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      • MaterialsGirl

        MaterialsGirl August 27, 2020, 2:20 pm

        my mom called this week to talk about the plan for baby #2. She’ll be coming to watch materialstoddler while I go in. She’s flying (very very short flight on SW into MDW)… i’m actually more okay with this because at least they’ll make her wear a mask. AND i’ve put the fear of god into her about bringing the flu/sickness/COVID to me and the new baby.

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      • MaterialsGirl

        MaterialsGirl August 27, 2020, 2:24 pm

        but yea, i’m not getting on a plane

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      • avatar

        Fyodor August 27, 2020, 3:38 pm

        Beyond the objective COVID risk, I’d just be profoundly uncomfortable crammed in a closed space with a bunch of people for three hours. If we ever get a vaccine, I’m going to need some kind of social reentry therapy.

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      • avatar

        Kate August 27, 2020, 3:42 pm

        I also worry about, are these planes being properly maintained and checked? How long are they sitting? I saw an article about how if 737s sit for a while, this part will corrode and the engines could fall off.

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      • avatar

        Fyodor August 27, 2020, 4:37 pm

        I guess it *would* be refreshing to shift from COVID anxiety to my more traditional plane’s-gonna-crash anxiety.

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  • avatar

    TheOtherOtherMe August 27, 2020, 2:01 pm

    I went on a fantastic vacation to Yosemite National Park, Mammoth Lakes and Santa Cruz California last month and didn’t reveal ANY of it on social media (or even to some family members) for fear of judgment. Even though we were extremely hygienic, stayed away from ANY other people (no restaurants, no buses, no crowded tourist areas) and really just hiked/biked/camped in the woods, I knew that some people would criticize us with the old “NO TRAVEL IS SAFE NOW BECAUSE COVID!” argument. But the thing is, my mental health is really important, and if I didn’t take a vacation I would have slid into a major clinical depression. Furthermore, I don’t live or come into contact with anyone who is elderly or high risk, so I don’t think I was taking a huge risk. I just didn’t feel like trying to explain all of this to friends, relatives, or strangers on the internet, so I kept it to myself. I think a lot of the negativity towards travelers is simply displaced feelings of anger and despair about the pandemic being heaped on those who travel – we are convenient scapegoats. I feel like if there are pandemic safety guidelines for schools, stores and other situations, there can be rules for safe travel. As long as everyone abides by them, we will be fine. It’s those who flout them and do dumb things like attend packed pool parties who deserve the scorn, not average folks who just want to go camping or sit on a beach for a few days.

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  • CurlyQue

    CurlyQue August 27, 2020, 3:01 pm

    I had a beach vacation planned with a friend from highschool and her family. They were going to travel from Utah to the PNW where i am. I checked in when COVID started getting traction to see how they were handling the pandemic and it seemed fine, then a couple weeks before they were coming out my friend posted pictures of her at a CONCERT. Multiple selfies with people, no masks in sight. I struggled on whether i should say something but i ended up reaching out and saying that i didn’t feel comfortable. Her husband then went OFF on me about how i’m calling him a “plague rat” and i should treat them like adults, etc. It ended pretty shitty. In the end i gave them back the portion they paid and ended up taking some of my family who are already in my pandemic bubble. I enjoyed getting away for the couple days with people i trusted and hopefully my friend and i can mend and meet up post-COVID.

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  • avatar

    Lovelygirl August 27, 2020, 4:17 pm

    We visited my MIL and then went camping back in July. We also stayed at a virtually empty hotel mid-week that has a lazy river. There may have been 20 people in the giant pool area each day. It was a perfect vacation during a pandemic. I stayed away from work the following 2 weeks to make sure I didn’t bring any germs back to the office.
    It’s a mixed reaction to my travels. Some folks are fine with it and others find it to be the worst thing I could do. My coworkers respect that I work remotely for a while when I get back so there’s not much they can say.

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  • veritek33

    veritek33 August 27, 2020, 4:36 pm

    We did a beach vacation with one other couple we trusted. We drove our own car, we took a cooler of food so we didn’t have to eat out on the way down there, and we did grocery pick up once we got there so we could stay in the condo as much as possible and cook most of our meals. In 7 days we ordered delivery sushi once, got to-go pizza once and actually went out to eat once. The state we vacationed in seemed to be taking more precautions than our home state and we felt very safe. No one has given us flack for traveling but we were also super careful. Wore masks everywhere, washed hands religiously, basically stayed to our condo and the beach just the four of us and the toddler.

    I don’t feel comfortable flying at this point but I’ve seen several that have. No judgment just not something I’m ready to do.

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  • bittergaymark

    Bittergaymark August 27, 2020, 4:42 pm

    The fact that schools are stupidly opening all over and we’re all supposed to shop walmarts all across america while eating take out night after night makes it pretty hard to get angry at those who choose to rent a cabin in the middle of nowhere.

    That said — people are definitely railing against said cabin goers. Online especially.

    🤷‍♂️

    I certainly haven’t post much about my whereabouts since early June.

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  • avatar

    ron August 27, 2020, 5:22 pm

    Communities that exist financially on rentals, now have decided they don’t can object to rentals. Communities who thrived on building, selling, and taxing vacation homes, now expect the owners of said homes to stop using them, because they are a health threat, but to continuing paying taxes on the unusable properties. It’s reasonable to expect the urban escapees to mask and not congregate in crowds. Beyond that….

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  • avatar

    Anonymous August 27, 2020, 5:30 pm

    I would love to go to a cabin, but my anxiety has shot up during the pandemic, especially related to travel. I live in Utah and I don’t trust people. At first I felt fairly safe, but then I found out that people who were in my “bubble” had their own bubbles or didn’t have one.
    In July I tried to drive from Utah to Idaho to see my family. They had all decided to get together the weekend after my birthday. One brother, my SIL, and 2 year old niece drove from Oregon and stayed in a hotel. The other brother, my SIL, and two nephews decided to drive from southern Utah to Washington to visit my SIL’s mom who lives near the Canadian border. They had to go because my SIL’s brother and his family were also visiting from CA. It would be the first time they’d all be together in five years. Then my brother and fam would drive back down to Idaho for that weekend. They all wanted me to come. I tried. I tried to self-isolate for two weeks (I only order pick-up or delivery and use the drive-thru pharmacy). I got about half way (it’s about a four hour drive) and had to stop to use a rest area bathroom. It was busy and no one but me was wearing a mask. And I ended up having a major panic attack on the side of I-15 in the middle of nowhere.
    I headed back to my house. What really frustrates me is how my family treats this as a result of my anxiety. Like, it’s due to my anxiety that I didn’t come, not the very real pandemic where I could get sick or I could pass it on to someone.
    My mom has also used my apartment as a stopover to visit the bro south of me. She wanted to stay again to fly up to OR to visit my other brother and then on the way back. I said no. I don’t think a 61-year-old woman should be flying right now just because she wants to help out her son for a week (this is a total nonemergency). She, again, acted like it was due to my anxiety.
    So I am totally judging people. It’s just too risky. And I’m scared. And suddenly I don’t know when or if I’ll ever feel safe in public. I hate working from home, but do I dare go back? I was nervous and anxious the week before they sent us home. I want to be back in office! But I don’t know if I’ll feel safe there. It’s so scary. I hate it. I don’t want to be this way, but I don’t see any other way to be that doesn’t put me and the people around me at risk.

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    • Dear Wendy

      Dear Wendy August 27, 2020, 5:38 pm

      I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way.ive definite at days I feel similarly. I agree that this is a super anxiety-producing situation and I also agree that an anxiety disorder could amplify the anxiety, especially if you feel at all that you want to compensate for people who don’t seem anxious enough. Do you have an underlying health issue that puts you at greater risk? Is your area surging in cases?

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    • avatar

      Fyodor August 27, 2020, 7:28 pm

      I don’t have anything helpful to say other than to tell you that you’re not alone in feeling this way. These are terrifying times. When I drove to see my father (seven hour drive) after not going anywhere for five months I had major anxiety just leaving a controlled environment. My wife will not travel anywhere outside bathroom range because she doesn’t want to have to go into a public bathroom.

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  • avatar

    Ange August 27, 2020, 5:40 pm

    A lot of Aus state borders are closed so the states that aren’t currently in lockdown are promoting a lot of local travel. Granted we aren’t in the same predicament but that seems to be perfectly acceptable to do. I don’t think flying would be cool but little trips in the car are almost being romanticised at this point. It’s highly likely my scheduled trip to Queensland in October for my 40th won’t be able to go ahead so I may very well join the herd and do one myself.

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  • avatar

    anonymousse August 27, 2020, 6:32 pm

    You couldn’t pay me to get on a plane. It’s just not worth it.

    180,000+ Americans have died from Covid since March (that we know of.) Thousands of frontline workers have died. Many more now are suffering from PTSD. We had refrigerated trucks stacked with bodies outside hospitals not long ago because the morgues couldn’t fit them. It’s been FIVE MONTHS. People are still dying.

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    • avatar

      anonymousse August 27, 2020, 6:35 pm

      That said, I’ve been quaranteaming with other families that I trust. We’ve taken some risks. But I would just not be comfortable traveling on a plane, staying somewhere populated with others from all over right now. Nope. I’ll stick with driving a few hours for an escape.

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    • avatar

      anonymousse August 27, 2020, 6:38 pm

      I haven’t publicly shamed anyone for taking risks that I won’t, though.

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  • Moneypenny

    Moneypenny August 27, 2020, 7:20 pm

    I know a couple of people who have flown across the country recently. Both of them have gotten Covid tests when they got back and stayed isolated til they got the results. That’s how we have to do it I think!
    I haven’t gone anywhere and I probably won’t be anytime soon. I am taking the week of Labor Day off from work just for a break, but I think I’m just going to save my money to go somewhere when it’s more safe. Maybe a day trip drive would be nice, but that’s probably it!

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  • avatar

    kbean August 27, 2020, 10:10 pm

    My father has a decent sized sailboat, our family of four went on a 9 day trip off the coast of Maine with him. We went to smaller islands and went hiking. Then we did a 4 day sail last weekend and brought folding bikes and did a few short rides. This weekend we were going to go camping with another family who is being careful, the weather is not going to be nice, so that is cancelled. We are trying to keep our bubble small and safe. I am so glad I was able to get out of the house and do something fun and safe.

    I know most of our family thinks we are being overly careful.

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    • avatar

      kbean August 28, 2020, 12:04 am

      I see my parents because they are being safe, I however don’t see my in-laws right now. They have many contacts. I know this hurts them, it is sad for all of us. I hope we make it though this with understanding.

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  • avatar

    allathian August 28, 2020, 4:36 am

    After a very limited number of new cases in June and July, the numbers have started going up again in August. My son’s school is open, but he’s been at home this week because he got respiratory symptoms. He also got a COVID test, but it was negative. He does reasonably well in remote school, but given the choice, would much rather go to school. He has been podding with one friend from his class who visited us a few times during the summer and the first weeks of school. My son has a pretty limited social life outside of school, because his hobbies are currently still closed.

    We have visited with my parents and in-laws when all of us were symptom-free. Outdoors, but without masks and with shared food (single packages, like cookies and ice cream cones). We’re going to a friend’s daughter’s confirmation party a week from now (provided none of us get sick and our son is symptom-free on the day), which will be held outdoors under a canopy with open sides. There’s only about 15 guests so we’ll be able to keep our distance and the kids will be able to run around outdoors.

    Personally, I would not be comfortable flying, but we did take a trip during the summer to visit my SIL. There’s a zoo there too, and we went there. All indoor spaces for animals were closed to the public, although the cafe and shop were open. They have lots of space and a very high ceiling. We’ve been there before, and this time it wasn’t nearly as crowded as during previous visits, so social distancing was a breeze.

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  • avatar

    Hannah August 28, 2020, 7:01 am

    My ex-husband took our daughters away the other week. I was under the impression (from the kids, he wouldn’t tell me anything) he was staying with another family, which I wasn’t thrilled about but I have to trust him to look after our kids. Anyway, it turned out he was sharing a house with TWO other families (one of which my kids had never met before, so definitely not in any sort of “social bubble”) plus a mate of his.

    It’s things like this that remind me why I divorced him.

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  • avatar

    Sugar_Sweats August 28, 2020, 9:57 am

    I honestly think it’s great. If you can do it and feel comfortable. What I don’t agree with is not being honest of who you are with and where you were (this is not a dig at anyone here). My sibling-in-laws have been on trips as though there is no pandemic going on. They take precautions, yes, but when they get to the place and are doing excursions, like zip-lining. No masks. NO MASKS. And they are posting photos. And having a great time. Same when they were on a boat they rented with a driver. NO MASKS. They socially distance with 35 other families (1 to 3 families at a time. so anywhere from 7-15 people at a time) from their friend group because, they are super social people and the kids get lonely.
    So not knowing any of the above. In July we celebrated my father-in-law’s birthday. And we got really sick. The first few days it was a cough that got worse. By week 2, we found out it was Pneumonia. WE GOT PNEUMONIA! Tested negative for Covid 2 times. We find out later that my nephew was a little sick when we saw them. Got sick from spending the night at a friends…. I am by no means blaming them. We send our kid to daycare, where it’a a really tight ship. So basically we are quarantining with all those families. We all get temps taken. We can’t go in. They take him at the door. But we told our families. So they can make a choice about it.
    But that knowledge of knowing what everyone is doing or who they are hanging out with, would have changed everything, if we were going to see them or not. We found out about all of these vacations, after the fact. We found out my nephew was sick, after the fact. I think as long as people are being honest to let others have a choice. I haven’t seen my parents since January. My mom is bored so she going to visit family in WI, like every weekend. I’m like lady, WTF. Your husband is high risk and you’re bored.
    We facetime and she pouts she can see her grandchild. They don’t wear masks. And when we see my dad on calls he has a terrible cough.
    So, now as we recover, we aren’t seeing anyone.
    I am here venting about it. It bothers me to my core and I see red just thinking about it. And for right now there is no trust. So, we are on a full lock-down. My kid is back in daycare, we need him there. It feels safe and it’s the only time we can rest. We have no help. We are recovering as best we can.
    Long and short, go get out of your homes. Vacation. God knows we all need one. If you feel good about it and safe do it. Talk to friends in person, shit go have dinner in a nice outdoor restaurant. Just let people know.

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    • MaterialsGirl

      MaterialsGirl August 28, 2020, 1:07 pm

      exactly. transparency so people can make informed decisions. The risks are their own to make, but yea.. exactly. Pneumonia. jesus

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    Kali August 28, 2020, 1:21 pm

    Some of you know I’m fighting stage 4 cancer. I’m one of those people who’s on chemo for life. Well, so is my sister. Her cancer is actually worse than mine and she’s outlives the 18 to 24 months her doc initially gave her. Good for her. But.., she took her hubby and adult sons on a fishing/boating/river rafting weekend and they all flew to get there. I asked her beforehand if she was worried and she assured me they’d wear masks in the shirt, two-hour flight and were staying in a nice AirBnB. Great. Aside from asking that, I said nothing. I wouldn’t go it but she’s always been more of a risk taker. They’ve been back for a couple of weeks and seem healthy so I guess it’s all good. I just know I wouldn’t do it.

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    Hazel August 28, 2020, 1:32 pm

    we don’t really do holidays, which is fine, as where we live is pretty amazing and I’m happy to spend any time off at home being creative or relaxing. But covid has seen partner’s best friend who he rarely sees as he’s a couple of hundred miles away and has a low pay job with few holidays getting some time off, so they are off for a long weekend in the wilds. No planes involved, hopefully no mingling. I’m all for it, they both deserve this time, but we are both prepared for distancing if something happens and they end up landing their canoe in a remote place which has been mobbed by other people doing the same. So really hope that doesn’t happen, but our wild places are seeing some surprise holiday mobs, it’s a possibility. Distancing in our tiny house will be a challenge but if we need to we will- and I’m getting the cat. 🙂

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    Mumpsy September 1, 2020, 5:54 am

    I would love to get away for a long weekend and have looked into some options, but the bigger problem than accommodations is food. I’m not ready to go to restaurants yet, which limits us to bigger cities where we could get delivery or places where we can cook ourselves (hotels with room service are sadly out of our price range). And if I’m going to have to cook and do dishes, I’m honestly just inclined to save the money and stay home!

    I’m also assuming it’ll be at least another year before I can see my family, who are about a 24 hour journey away (2 or 3 flights). I’m pretty seriously immunocompromised and my parents are in their late 70s — so it’s hard to say who’s at higher risk! I try not to let my feelings about all this spiral, but it’s definitely a struggle every single day.

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    Anonymous September 1, 2020, 5:57 pm

    —–and that’s partner’s long weekend cancelled, there’s been a small outbreak in the city his friend lives and works in, so they are in semi-lockdown. Ah well. Good job I wasn’t planning anything nefarious during his absence then, except for probably being a bit more lazy. Worst thing is partner was planning to see his parents on the way there, he was really looking forward to that, but better safe than accidentally infecting a bunch of people.

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